The World Where She Fits

TWWSF 8: Have You Ever?

Shandra POV

After the incident in the main cafeteria, I tried my best not to cross path with Breena again. I'm afraid that I might not be able to hold back. I also tried my best to stay away from Chase but it was a very difficult task to do. Especially if we have the same circle of friends and we are both part of GSU plus the fact that he becomes involved with DC Org already. Staying away from him is like looking a needle in the greenfield.

Habang lumilipas ang araw ay lalo akong hahihirapan. Ang bigat sa dibdib na nararamdaman ko ay unti-unti ng naging pagrerebelde. Hindi ko maiwasang isipin na bakit hinahayaan kung masaktan ang sarili ko. Na kung tutuusin ay alam ko naman ang totoo na hanggang ngayon ay ako pa rin ang nasa puso ni Chase.

Why did I deprive myself from the happiness? Why did not fight for what is mine? Why did I allow Breena to take what's originally mine? Why? Just because of pride? Honor? Morals? Because this is what's right?

The hell with what is right!

It's never been wrong to fall in love, to love someone intensely. And it's never been wrong to fight for that love. As long as you don't commit a mortal sin it will never be wrong.

If others can do it, why can't I? When I accepted Ate Yen's decision to marry the Prince, there's only one thing in my mind. You have Chase back. I said to myself back then, whatever it takes I want Chase to be mine again.

Pero anong ginawa ko? I drown myself in heartache. I bind myself from doing anything just because Chase word also stand as his dignity. And I don't want to ruin him. Subalit hindi ko na kayang manatiling tahimik at walang gawin. Kung magagawa ko siyang mapasaakin uli na hindi kailangang masira ang kanyang binitiwang pangako ay gagawin ko ang lahat. I'll do anything to have Breena break the engagement and set Chase free.

****

Napakabilis lumipas ng araw. Noong nakaraang linggo lang nakatutok ang halos laht sa pag-aaral dahil sa midterm exam. Kaya ngayong tapos na ay nagkakasayahan ang mga estudyante. They are having fun with their group of friends.

A smile tugged in my lips as I watch everyone having fun. Bigla ko tuloy naisip na sana ay buo kaming magkakaibigan ngayon. Siguro ganito din kami kasaya ngayon.

My phone rang. Haven's calling me. "Oh, done with your exam?"

"Yeah. Let's meet at the main cafeteria, others are waiting." She said.

"Okay, I'll be there. Dadaan lang muna akong Professors office. May ihahatid lang ako doon."

"Sige, pero wag kang magtagal doon. Ngayon lang ulit tayo makapagbonding pagkatapos ng isang mahabang linggo." Exaggerated na sabi niya.

"Copy. Bye!" Pinutol ko na agad ang tawag at nagmamadaling naglakad patungo ng Professors office. Bakit kasi naiwan ng last Prof namin ang manual niya. Nagkataon pang ako ang huling umalis ng room kaya wala akong choice dahil walang ibang magbabalik ng manuals.

Pagkatapos ibalik ang manuals sa Prof ay nagmamadali na akong naglakad papunta ng main cafeteria. I pass by the music room and I notice that the door is slightly open. Curious, I stop and walk back towards the music room. Dahan-dahan kung itinulak ang pinto at sumilip baka may tao sa loob. I take a look inside and notice that it was empty. Baka hindi lang naisara ng maayos ng huling gumamit.

Inikot ko ng tingin ang buong music room. Any instruments that my eyes laid on bring back memories. So many memories that consist both happy and sad. I close the door and slowly walk inside. I forgot that my friends are waiting for me at the main cafeteria.

Maingat kung hinawakan ang mga instrumento na nadadaanan ko at naabot ng aking daliri. Tumigil ako sa tapat ng piano. Napangiti ako ng malala ko ang magagandang alaala pero agad ding nawala ang ngiti at napalitan ng lungkot. Umikot ako at tumayo sa harapan ng keys.

I start touching any keys just to hear the sound of the piano. My friends don't know that I can play piano, even Yana. They are only aware that I am capable of playing drums and guitar. Playing piano is one of the happiest memories I shared with my Mom when I was little. It was so special that I can't let others know besides my family. Also, I am much more fascinated by drums.

Umupo ako at pumikit, nag-isip ng magandang tugtog. The music that suited what I feel right now. And one song came to mind. I delicately place my fingers on the piano keys and started to press to start the music. Since I am all alone in the music room, I started singing.

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over

Knowing there's so much more to say

Suddenly the moment's gone

And all your dreams are upside down

If only I could change the way the world goes around

Exactly! How I wanted to change the ways of the world. How much I wanted to turn back the time. When I came back and learned that he promised to marry someone else. All of my dreams together with him come crashing down on me and world turn upside down.

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody

Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry

Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking

Lookin' down the road you should be taking

I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

When I am alone so many what ifs comes to mind. What ifs that I can't provide the answers. It will remain a question that can be answered but can't be concluded. The pain still remains every time I looked back the time I let him go. If I never let him go what do you think is our situation now? If I only choose him rather than doing my responsibility?

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together

Back in your arms where I belong

Now I've finally realized it was forever that I've found

I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

Lately, I've been thinking that it was wrong to comply with his word. His the one who made the promise and not me. I can I do something to set him free from the promised that bind him, without making him the one to break it, I am willing to do it. I will do everything and anything to change the situation we are in.

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody

Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry

Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking

Lookin down the road you should be taking

I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels

To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see

Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow

Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

I didn't mind as my tears started to fall. I let it flow hoping that it can help washed away the pain that I felt this moment. Na baka sa pamamagitan ng pagluha ay unti-unting nawala ang paninikip sa aking dibdib at makahinga ng maayos. Dahil sa ngayon ay ramdam ko ang pagsisisi sa mga naging desisyon ko.

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody

Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)

Can't you see, (ohhh)

That's the way I feel about you and me, Baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking

Lookin down the road you should be taking

I should know, (I should know)

Cos I loved and lost the day I let

Yes I loved and lost the day I let

Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

As the music dies I feel a little better but my tears are yet to stop. Sa halip na tumigil sa pagluha ay napahikbi na lang ako habang nakayuko.

"Yes, I do. I've love and lost."

I stilled when I heard someone talk. Pa-simple kung pinunasan ang aking mukha at nag-angat ng tingin. I was momentarily shocked when I realized who is in front of me. He sits beside me, with a handkerchief in his hand he reaches out my face and wipe my tears.

"Prince Daisuke," I whispered.

"I'm telling you the truth. This is not the right time to say this but you know that I loved you, Shan. Since the first time I met you. Though I lost not because I let you go but because your heart belongs to someone else."

"Prince Daisuke," again, I murmured. The only thing that came out from my mouth is his name. I really don't know what to say with what he said. I am aware about his feelings but seeing him here in an unexpected time made me a little bit shock. And before I can compose myself he's already telling something I'm not expecting. "Why are you telling me this?"

"You said about it a while ago." He answered with a frown. Then he sang the line of the song that I just sang, "Tell me, have you ever love and lost somebody. Yes, I loved and lost the day I let you go." He smiled, "I just answered you."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. I understand that he did it to make me smile and I'm grateful for it. "Thanks for making me smile Pri --"

He put his finger in my lips in order to stop me from talking. "We're not in the Palace so, stop calling me that. Call me Heiji. I don't want to see you hurting and crying. Unfortunately, that's the first thing I witness when I saw you again. Ah, how annoying."

"I apologize for annoying you Mr. Heiji. Rest assured I won't cry again when you're around." I jokingly said while standing up from my seat. "I haven't eaten yet. Let's go grab some," aya ko sa kanya at nagpatiuna na ng lumabas. Napatigil ako sa pinto ng makita ko ang isang lalaking naglalakad palayo ng music room. All I saw is the back but I am certain who he is. It's Chase. I know him too much to know it was him even though I didn't see his face.

****

Chase POV

Tahimik lang ako habang nakaupo sa tabi ni Breena. Since Shandra's back I've never occupied my seat before, the seat beside her. Hindi dahil iniiwasan ko siya. Wala akong tiwala sa sarili ko kaya wala akong lakas ng loob na maupo sa tabi niya. Seeing her but not able to hold her is enough torture. Paano pa kaya kung tatabi ako at ilang dangkal lang ang pagitan. Being able to smell her scent but not able to touch and hold her hand like we used to. Just thinking about it makes me crazy.

Maingay ang mga kasama ko sa mesa maliban kay Breena na abala sa hawak niyang phone. Pinag-uusapan ng iba ang mga gusto nilang gawin ngayong tapos na ang exam. Abala sila sa pagpaplano habang hinihintay sina Haven at Shandra. Haven came few minutes later but she's alone.

"Where's Shandra?" Ember asked Haven and look at the entrance to check if Shandra is just behind.

"Dumaan lang ng Professor's office. Sinabihan ko na siya na sumunod agad dito dahil naghihintay kayo." Haven answered.

"Professors office? Anong gagawin niya dun?" Kunot noong tanong ni Laxus.

"Naiwan ata ng isang prof yung manuals kaya inihatid niya." Sagot ni Haven at umupo na sa upuan niya.

Few minutes pass but still no Shandra show up. It will only take 5 minutes from the Professors Office to the main cafeteria. Kaya nakakapagtaka na wala pa rin siya pagkalipas ng sampung minuto.

Ilang sandali pa ay natigilan ang lahat sa cafeteria ng marinig mula sa mga speaker ang isang musika. The sound of music coming from a piano was heard follow by a soft voice that starts singing.

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over

Knowing there's so much more to say

Suddenly the moment's gone

And all your dreams are upside down

If only I could change the way the world goes round

I was stunned when I realize it was Shandra singing. I never knew that she can also play the piano. Ang alam ko lang kaya niyang tugtugin ay gitara at drums. Though she preferred to play drums the most.

Everyone stop eating or whatever they are doing and listened as Shandra continued singing. Most probably she doesn't know that the Broadcast Room was left turned on by someone.

"That's Shandra, right?" Vash voice out.

"Yeah, she probably doesn't know that everyone heard her," Ace commented.

"Who must be the unlucky guy that left the Broadcast Room without turning it off and without logging off the connection to the Music Room." Laxus said while grinning.

We know the possible outcome once Shandra knows that she was heard singing in the whole campus. She hates to be the center of attention knowingly. This is something she can't pretend that never happen, not when every student knows. That unlucky person will face the scary Shandra that has been dormant.

"Oh no!" Ash slammed his hand on the table. "I was the last one to use the Broadcast Room."

"What?" Everyone looks at Ash and started laughing.

"You better run and turn off that speakers Ash, before Shandra know this." Ace said and tap Ash shoulder.

"Damn!" Ash got up and hurriedly run like his life depending on it.

I stand up from my seat. "I have to go somewhere." Hindi ko na hinintay na may sumagot sa kanila. Tumalikod na ako at naglakad palabas ng main cafeteria. Tinunton ko ang patungo sa Music Room. Malapit na ako sa Music Room ng hindi ko na marinig ang pagkanta ni Shandra. Malamang ay na-off na ni Ash ang Broadcast Room.

Soundproof ang Music Room kaya kahit nasa labas na ako ng pinto ay wala pa rin akong marinig mula sa loob. Dahan-dahan kung itinulak ang pinto. Naudlot ang pagtangka kung pagpasok ng makita ko na may kasamang lalaki si Shandra sa loob. It's a guy I never expected to see again.

What the heck is that Prince doing here?