The World Where She Fits

TWWSF 9: Should I?

Chase POV

Before Shandra and Prince Daisuke notice me, I turn back to where I came from with an evident frown in my face. I have a bad feeling seeing the Japanese Prince here. I know how close he is with Shandra. I wanted to keep her away from him but I can't.

I walk away from the music room with a heavy heart. When I'm about to turn into the corner of the hallway, I notice Breena leaning on the wall and looking at me with a smirk on her face.

"Why? See something you didn't like?" She taunted.

"Huh?" I stop and look at her with a questioning look on my face.

She shrugged her shoulder, "Your walking away from the music room frowning. Your fists are close tightly from holding back." She reaches my hand tried to open it but something caught her attention from the back. "Uh, uh, is that Shandra? She's with a guy, huh!", she looking behind.

I didn't bother to reply with what she said. I just stand still and didn't look back to where Shandra and the Prince might be.

"Is that the reason why you're like this?", she asked raising her eyebrow to me. "Well, from this distance I can tell that he's one good looking guy."

Walang salitang tinalikuran ko si Breena at ipinagpatuloy ang paglalakad pabalik sa cafeteria. Malamang naiinip na ang mga nandoon sa paghihintay.

"Do you know him, right?" Breena continued her monologue while following me. "Wow! She was so confident saying that she loves you just a month ago. But look at her now, she's with another guy already. I can't believe --".

I suddenly stop. Dahil hindi niya inaasahan ang biglaang paghinto ko ng paglalakad, bumangga siya sa likuran ko at napatigil sa pagsasalita. Hindi na niya natapos pa ang balak niyang sabihin.

"Stop talking, will you?" I snap at her being annoyed with what she is saying. Hindi na nga ako natutuwa sa biglaang pagsulpot ng Prinsipe tapos wala pa siyang tigil sa pagsasalita.

She has a surprised expression in her face. She must not be expecting that I will snapped at her. I felt sorry with my action but I am too proud to admit it. All I did is brush my hands on my face, sigh and walk away. I leave her standing there like a statue.

"Why you are so indifferent when it comes to that girl, Chase? Is she telling the truth? Do you still love her that much?"

She shouted when I was a few meters away making me stop. What she did gained the attention of the students not so far from where we are. Those students who heard her shouting. I just let out a deep breath and did not bother to even look at her. I continued walking as if it was nothing. But what she said echoes in my head repeatedly.

Do I still love her that much?

I silently ask myself about it over and over again. And the answer is always the same.

Yeah, I still love her so damn much.

*******

Shandra POV

It was Chase indeed. When Hideki and I came out from the music room, I immediately ushered him in the opposite direction. From the corner of my eyes I saw Chase talking with Breena. For a month I did my best not to cross path with Breena again. I don't want to create another scene which is likely to happen if ever we are in one place. It was also thanks to the exam that made me busy.

"Where do want to eat?" I ask Hideki.

“Is there any place that I’ve not visited yet?” He asks.

“There is,” I answered after thinking for a few minutes. Hindi pa namin napuntahan ng pumunta sila dito ang restaurant na palagi naming kinakainan na magkaka-barkada noong high school. They have an amazing and superb food there. I texted Haven that I will not be able to join them because of an unexpected visitor. “Where are you staying, by the way?”

“RH. I asked permission from your sister.” Hideki said though I didn’t ask.

“And why are you here?”

“Visiting you? I wanted to see you before I start my journey.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just like the Crown Prince, I want to see the world too. I will travel around the world to learn. I want to experience and understand the culture of another country, how people we didn’t often saw live their lives. Anything, I want to do anything and find I want to be.”

“In short, you wanted to find the direction. You wanted to be responsible and grow. Whoa! Knowing you, it’s kind of new to hear.” I joke.

He stops and look at me. He holds my hands firmly and, “I want you to find yours too, Shan. I want you to find the right place where you belong. When I look at it,” he looks around, “as of now, you don’t belong here, this place where he is. Don’t torture yourself.”

“Should I runaway?” I quietly ask leaning my head in his shoulder.

“It’s not wrong to runaway sometimes but I’m not saying you should do it. Just take a break, recover yourself and then, start again. I just wanted you be happy, as always.”

“How can I be happy if my happiness is taken away from me?”

“The Princess Yuki I know will do everything she can for the sake of their people. I may not know how Shandra live her life outside the palace but I know that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of her responsibilities.”

“What are you trying to say?” I cut him off.

“You’ve been doing everything you can for the sake of other people Shan. I think it’s time for you to do something for yourself. Can’t you do it? Can you do everything and anything to get the happiness you deserve?” Hideki said.

I look at him and I saw the flicker of pain in his eyes. He’s hurting. Hurting because of me. Since then and now, he only wants me to be happy.

“But he already gave his word to them.”

“He did but you didn’t Shan. You can do something to set him free from this mess.” Pagkukumbinsi sa akin ni Hideki. Tama siya. I can do something if I wanted to.

“Chase never stop me when I decided to leave him to fulfill my duties as a Princess. Is it right to stop him from honoring his word?” I asked Hideki with pleading eyes. Pleading him to say the word that I wanted to hear. To tell me that it’s alright. That I will do the right thing.

“When you decided to fulfill your duties, would you allow him to stop you? Chase is aware that he can’t stop you, Shan. Let me ask you, now that your free, is Chase never wanted to break free from his word?”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Bumalik sa isip ko ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Chase noong engagement party nila. If only I can take back my word, I will gladly do it. If only you could me make free. Umalingawngaw sa isip ko ang mga salitang binitiwan ni Chase ng gabing iyon. He agonizingly asked me to set him free.

“He did, right? He wanted to get out this mess the moment he realizes you are free Shan.” Hideki stated without any doubt. “Are you willing to do it?”

Silence engulf us. Hindi ko siya agad nasagot sa kanyang tanong. I’ve been thinking the same thing. I want to do it but no one said that I should. Until Hideki came.

“I think we have to go to that place your saying.” He said it cheerfully while looking around. After saying those things and made me think, here he is, asking me to bring him where he can eat. “We better get out of here, some of the students are looking at us. They might think we are wierdos.”

I chuckled with what he said. When I look up, I understand what he meant. We are having our moment in the entrance gate where many students are.

“Thanks, Hideki.” I murmured. He made me realize something today. Yes, I have faith in fate but fate won’t aid me if will do nothing. If I wanted the man I love back, I have to do something to take him back. No more selflessness. No more considering other people feelings. I want to be selfish just this once. I want Chase.

*****

After lunch with Hideki I decided not to go back to school. Since I just finish the exam this morning I am free this afternoon. Hideki went back to the RH after we eat. Ang paalam niya lang kasi doon ay sabay kaming maglunch at babalik siya agad. Dumaan lang talaga siya dito para magpaalam. Mamayang hapon din ang flight niya sa unang bansa na pupuntahan niya. He didn’t mention what country it is though. And he will be living there alone until he decided to leave. Natutuwa ako sa naging desisyon niya. He wanted to learn and I know that he also wanted to give time to his self to move forward.

Gamit si Green Flare ay inikot ko ang buong Prefecture 5 habang nag-iisip. Pinag-iisipan ang lahat ng sinabi ni Hideki kanina lang. Are you willing to do it? Paulit-ulit na nag-replay sa utak ko ang tanong na iyon ni Hideki na hindi ko nagawang sagutin. Should I do it? And the answer is yes. I want to do it. I want Chase back.

Bago ko pa namalayan ay nakarating na pala ako sa Sanctuary ni Chase. Our sanctuary. The place that holds many of our memories together.

Bumaba ako sa motorbike ko at naglakad patungo sa nag-iisang puno sa pinakagitna. The tree in the center is our silent witness. The silent witness of everything that happened here.

I close my eyes and leaned in the tree. All of our memories together are replaying in my head one by one. Since the start, I’ve been hurting Chase. I only made him happy with those stolen time we spend. I’ve never been his from the start. I’ve never been able to give him the whole me. He did everything he can for me but I never did something for him. I only hurt him countless of times.

Gusto kong bumawi sa kanya sa lahat ng sakit na naidulot ko. Alam kung nahihirapan at hindi siya masaya sa sitwasyon niya ngayon. Kung wala siyang magagawa upang makawala sa binitiwan niyang pangako, ako meron. Sa ngayon ako naman ang gagawa ng lahat para sa kanya. Hindi ko siya hayayaang patuloy na masasaktan. If he can do everything for me, I can do everything for him too.

“I never thought to see you here.”

Someone interrupted my thoughts. I slowly open my eyes, and there he is, standing a few meters away from me. “Chase,” I murmured his name, “why are you here?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” he said with his eyes fix on me. He slowly walks towards me and stop a few inches away. “Why are you here Shan?”

“I was thinking something and before I know it, I am here.”

“I want to look back that’s why I’m here,” he said looking at me sadly. “Looking back is what keeps me going, Shan. Because that’s the only thing I can do now.”

“Are you having a really hard time Chase? Do you think you can live this way?” though I already made my decision I still want to hear his answer. Whatever it is, it will affect of what I will have to do.

“It’s hard Shan, so much harder than I thought. And I don’t think I can live this way. Seeing you and having you close but not able hold you are making me insane in every minute.”

“Same here Chase, same here.” I sigh, “You’ve done everything for me and I haven’t done anything but hurt you. I want to do everything for you too, Chase, and for myself. For once I want to be selfish. If it is really hard, then, I will do everything to set you free. Should I?”

“Will you?”

Just two words but I can see a flicker of hope in his eyes. It is now my time to fight for our love. “I will!” I answered him with conviction. “Will you wait for me at the end?”

“I will always be waiting for you Shan, how long it may take.”