If By Chance

Chapter 7.

Mae POV.

"Can you atleast try to listen to me once in your life?.."

She stands up from the way she sits at the couch.

"Why would I??do I really have to update you everyday from where I am going and who's I am with the entire time??"

"If you're still mad at me then I'm sorry..I'm trying my best to be a good mom towards you but everytime I wanted to be close to you again you're always like this!!you're always avoiding me!!you're always making me feel invisible!!"

"Did I tell you to be good at me???maybe you already forgot it all but all of it is still fresh in my memories.."

"Mae,can you atleast talk to me the way you always did when you were a kid..?mom miss you so much,my child.."

If she does know how hard it is for me to live my life alone in London with dad, she'll understand why I'm being like this!!

However,there a thing inside of me that's move,it feels like a needle pinch my heart when I saw her cry.i haven't seen her like this before because when dad decided to leave her and bring me with him,I haven't seen her crying she just sit in the couch like a tired person and just watch us as we leave this house.

"I don't want to fight again,mom..I'd rather lock myself in my room.."

I ended the conversation and I was about to leave when I feel something touches my skin...

It was her,holding my wrist.

"Mae,I know it's hard for you to be here,I know that you're just here because Dew plead you,I know you're sick of me and I'm sorry if I'm always pissing you by getting close to you,I'm trying my best my child..I know I've never been a good mom towards you before but I'm here right now,I want us to start a new life again..please let yourself learn how to forgive me..."

I listened to every words she said without turning my head to look at her,I feel pity to mom, honestly.I want to take it all back but my pride is getting along the way..

"Did you know how hard it is for me to live out there,mom?"

I refered to London,and she take off her hands that's around my wrist.

"Did you know how hard it is for me to prepare to go to school each and everyday alone without a mom to wake me up every 6 in the morning while dad is busy at his work,he even had no time for me,we got a big house there bigger than this place but I was so alone,no friends,no one to talk to,no one to fuss when I'm tired of school,no one to cry on when someone bullies me,no one to tell that *mom I got a star at my wrist,teacher said I did a great job today* or *mom we had a assembly meeting tomorrow,teacher said you should attend*"

I can help but to let all of the pain inside of me,maybe I just really keep it for too long..

I turn my back at look at her,as I saw Khun Sam entering the living room,I don't care about anything right now all I want is to get rid of this stupid pain that I kept for almost half of my life..

"Did you know how hard it is for me to go to school alone while my classmates had their parents with them,holding their hands and let them brag those parents around the school..and did you know that when I graduated on highschool,dad wasn't there to attend it because he's at the hospital,and you??you're just right here at Bangkok, I'm a valedictorian during that time,I got almost 10 medals on where I am best at...and you know what's the most painful thing about it??"

I wipe my tears...

"Even my teacher doesn't volunteer to put those medals in my neck,I do it all by myself,I take all those medals in my neck and received the diploma with my bare hands...and no one...no one ever take the picture of me holding my diploma except to that school photographer.."

"Mae....."

"I came home alone,I didn't know how to drive a car so I decided to walk while I'm wearing those thing with me...random strangers greeted me telling me they're proud of me because I'm so determined that I did a good job..and when I came home,no one ever approach me and praise only the maids..."

"I didn't know everything th---"

"I grew up independently,at the age of 17 I plead dad that I'll build a clothing mall to start a business and he agreed..I came in a lot of heart aches while I keep seeking to a parents love which both of you and dad are not good at..so tell me how can I forget those things,and forgive you??"

I can't take it...It just makes me breakdown..she just watches me sitting at the couch while I'm still bursting in tears while Khun Sam on the other hand is in shock..

My mom slowly comes close to me,she slowly take a sit besides me and embrace me with her arms..

She hug me so tight and let me cry to her shoulder..

This...this right here is the only thing I want to feel eversince I got here, eversince I keep longing for a parents love and care,everytime I want to fuss..

This..this is the only thing I want to have in this cruel world nothing more,nothing less..

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm sorry mom...I love you but I just can't take all the pain within me,it's...it's too hard to handle,I can't take it all,I...I can't bare it all.."

She tighten her hug and this time I lose it and I hug her back..

"You don't have to say sorry Mae,I know your pride just get in the way,I don't want to hurt you.."

"I'm sorry again..."

.

.

It was already 9pm but I still can't sleep,I figured out to forgive mom after what happened just this morning,I don't know that this is the feeling when you finally get rid of the pain in your chest and you already shout it all out to the world..

"Mae..."

Someone knock on my door so I opened it..

I tilt my head to take a peek as I open the door.

"Yeah??you're still awake?"

I ask him as I finally see who's standing Infront of my room..

"I can't sleep..can we hang outside and talk about things?"

I just nodded.

******

"You like her??"

I was so shock and stunned as P'Dew telling me something..

"Lower your voice,mom is asleep.."

He shhhh me..

"So you really do??"

"Yeah,in a long time,let's just say eversince college.."

"Did you already tell Khun Sam that you like her?"

I can't believe I'm questioning my big brother about feelings but at the same time it hurts me knowing that he likes Khun Sam serves me a good shot of pain and it feels like I just want to get drunk right now.

I know,I admitted I do like Khun Sam,she's nice, naughty,silly and also likes kissing..see how many times she kissed me??speaking of that after she witness what happened earlier she didn't even try to send me a message at Line and even dm me in Insta.

"I'm afraid to confess..I'm pretty sure she'll be mad at me if she finds out..she hated guys so much and all of the guys is redflag to her that's why she haven't dated any guys eversince.."

He bow his head and I feel sad towards my brother.

He's right Khun Sam is such an allergy person when is comes to guys,she believes that they're dirty because they already slept with a thousands random girls..well,I don't trust men either after Nop cheated on me..

"Is there anything I can help??I'm pretty sure if she find it out from others she'll be totally mad.."

"Can you confess for me??"

"What!!!??are you insane!?!?"

What does he thinks!!

"You just gonna tell her that I like her tha--thats all.."

He flattered..

"Khun Sam will think that I'm just messing around,she'll never believe me.."

She totally gonna be like that,we like to piss each other off that's why she'll gonna take it as a joke.

Even though,I'm still in pain..how can I be like this?

"You're right..."

He take a deep sigh.

"I'll tell it to her...I'm just gonna find a good timing for me.."

.

.

.

"Why you're so quiet?did someone bullies you this morning?"

She ask me and I just shake my head and look at the window,it's been a week now since Dew and I had this painful conversation (for me)

I take a deep sigh as I still keep looking at the window while we're sitting here at her car,she oftenly drive me to school back and forth and we even get more closer..

Khun Sam is a person who I just want to spend my life with,but knowing that big brother likes her really makes me doubt..

There are times that I wanted to confess so that I can get rid of this feelings and I won't build my hopes up because she always given me a mixed signals,there are times that she makes me feel that she likes me,wanted me and love me but there are also times that she treats me like I'm nothing,I'm worthless and useless to her..I don't know what's happening to her she's...she's so hard to understand this past week..pftt..

"Is there something bothering you, Mae?"

I look at her and I shake my head.

"Mae..."

She stops the car in the middle of the road and place her hand in my hand that's resting in my lap.

She holds my chin and let me face her using her other hand..

She look at me so intently,and...and..

Romantically.

Her eyes is full of worries and confusion at the same time but it wasn't new to me,she's always like this everytime I'm silent.

"I want to bite you badly until you shout in pain because you didn't talk to me today.."

She's so gorgeous in this kind of expression.

"It'll hurt me.."

I pouted.

She scoffs.

"What do you want then?just tell me.."

I look directly at her eyes.

"I want you to kiss me.."

I said out of nowhere,I don't know what's got in me but I really want to have it right now..

Maybe because she let me used to it??

Wait why I'm not sure about my thoughts?!

"Is that the only thing that makes you feel better??"

I nodded.

"If I kiss you would you talk to me normally now?"

I pout again as I nodded..

Honestly,I'm like a kid now wanting a lollipop.

"Ok.."

She then slightly tilt her head to find a right angle to kiss me,and when she already did,all I can do is to close my eyes when her lips touches mine.

It's just a chaste kiss and she let go of it immediately but me,on the other side don't want a chaste kiss,I decided to wrap my hands on her nape and slowly lead her to kiss me again.

She suck my lower lips just like how she've done it before,and then she take the upper one,she bite my lower lips to ask a permission to enter my mouth and when I open it she then gently explored my mouth using her tongue.I love the way she makes me feel so pleasure without even touching my body because it is just a kiss..

This kiss is different from those other kisses we both shared,those are just intimacy but this...

This is a longing,I feel it in the way she kiss me..it's so embrace and real,I feel the worries,doubts and even the love..

Our lips parted and she look at my eyes so seductively,I like it..she's so sexy with this look.

She lick her lips and attack my lips again but this time my hands run to her chest and rested it there.She apply small kisses to my chin and tilt my neck to let her do what she wants..

My hands gently run to her head as she start to bite my neck and suck it at the same time.

She knows how to make me weaker than ever.

She really knows my weak spots.

I can't help but to bite my own lips as she travel her kiss at my chest...her hand travel at my stomach and ready to enter my pants when suddenly I remember something.

"K--khun--khun Sam~~"

Did I just moa----nevermind.

"Yeah?"

She stop and look at me, dissatisfied.

"It's...it's already 1pm...I'll be late at school.."

She was stunned..oh yeah we almost forgot we're in the middle of the road 3 blocks before we reach the school..

"Ow..yeah..you're right sorry,I forgot.."

She scratch her nape and started the engine again..

"Are you blushing??"

I ask her when I saw that her face just turn red.

"I'm not.."

She focused herself to the road..

We normally like nothing hot happened,right??

Aren't you confused?

Because I don't, we're always like this..serving each other without any relationship label,but I do like her I'm just so denial..I wonder if she likes me too..