You look like hell
1767 Words
C H A P T E R F O U R
Y O U L O O K L I K E H E L L
“Yoo, Ella !” I heard someone yell my name as soon as I made my way inside the building.
I took off my headphones and turned around, facing where the noise came from.
“Theo ! What’s up ?”
“So accepting his offers that Theo over here is the football captain and playboy of our class. He and some guys always place bets on girls, I did not think that you would like to be involved with that. Again, I am sorry for not giving you the freedom of answering yourself”
“Do not even apologize. Thank you. I would have never known otherwise. He seemed quite sweet on the first day”
“Yeah I fell for that too” She sighed as we headed towards our lockers.
As soon as we arrived, a big crowd of people were standing there and laughing along with the squad. All faces were familiar, but it was unexpected and.. a lot.
Oh god not now..
I am not socially anxious, yet my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself but eventually it was clear that I had to escape. Before I could even say hey to the group, I turned around ready to run, but his voice stopped me.
“Ella”
“I… gotta go to the bathroom” I said while walking away as he just stood there.
I tried convincing myself the rest of the day that there is no bloody way that Nik could have figured out that I was having a panic attack by looking at me for one second, so I hopped at least. Ever since I got diagnosed with my panic disorder, I never liked mentioning it apart from the times where I absolutely had to. I hate people’s pity and attention that’s only there because of my mental health. I would also be lying if I said that I am not scared, hell I am scared to death…
The rest of the day was alright, same routine as it has been. Go to class, go to another class, eat, go to three or four more classes, and then head home. The only difference today was that I told Kayla that I would be going home alone and there is no need for her to drop me off. I might have made it sound like I had somewhere else to be…
I put in my headphones, and took a deep breath feeling relieved at being alone for once. As much as I loved being social, I needed some time to re-charge. Especially nowadays when I could not even sleep and recharge during the night.
It had to be ruined of course because nothing can go as planned.
“Yo Ella!” I heard Theo yell as he ran towards me.
“What?”
“Woah” He replied at me snapping. “Anyways.. I was wondering if you knew what time-“ he kept on speaking, but I could not care less the second I saw some guys standing a bit from us and staring towards us as he kept talking. Had we not been the only people standing here had I suspected that I was just being dramatic, but after what Kayla told me today, I knew that I was not.
“Theo, no offence but could you just stop?”
“Stop what?”
“You know exactly what. It is not going to work on me, I am saving us both time and asking you to move”
“Ella.. look whatever you heard”
“Theo I really do not care, I just want to go home” I said as he kept blocking my way. God damn it.
“Ella, you have to listen to me. I promise, I am not the same guy as the one you heard about-“
“Is it really that f*****g hard to move?” I said cutting him off once again, having had enough of his bullshit.
“Is it really that f*****g hard for you to listen? Look, I want us to-“
He got cut off again, only that this time it was not by me.
“She told yt seem to find that amusing.
“Why?” he added, as if my comment was never uttered.
“Nothing important, just tired. Now tell me, are you always this straight forward with girls?” I joked, attempting to change the topic.
“Only the cute ones”
“Oh so you think I am cute?” I teased him.
“What makes you think I am straight forward? I might have been sugar coating it” He added and to be fair, he had a point. A kind of hurtful point…
“Oh thank god you had me relieved, I did not want to break your heart and tell you that I don’t date men with no personality”
“I do have a personality…?” He said, absolutely offended.
“Oh yeah? Whatever you tell yourself”
“What do you mean whatever I tell myself, I am f*****g hilarious”
“Alright then, make me laugh”
“Ahh.. well okay.. How did Voltaire like his apples?”
“How?”
“Candied”
He looked at me with a concerned face before we both burst into laughter, so loud that I am sure the people surrounding the car could hear us.
It was not even that funny, but the more one of us laughed, the more it would make the other laugh. It just kept going and going til I was holding my stomach from laughing too hard and he complained about his cheek hurting from laughing so much.
“Could you kiss it for me?” He joked, with a little pout.
“Yeah in your dreams” I joked before getting out of the car as we had arrived at my house.
“Thanks for the ride”
“No worries, see you tomorrow”
“See you”
I truly hoped that the rest of the night would still have the same energy, but it obviously did not. 3.37am, she was up crying again because of ‘the monster who took mommy and daddy’. Elena had still not replied to my message and my anxiety was eating me alive, not having any idea how I could help her. I sat with her through the night, held her in my arms and sung a little song watching her fall asleep. How long would this happen though? She’s a little kid, she should not be up all night crying like that.
I dropped Liz off at her school next morning and then met up with Keven and Kayla at the coffee shop. We drove to get Nik and then headed to school. During class, Elena had finally replied.
‘I am so sorry to hear that, dear. I would recommend for now that you get her a babysitter. It will be good for her to see other faces at the house. You have to be strong, I know it is hard, but it is totally normal for her to experience a hard time the first while. Please call me if you would like to talk’
I typed back a reply and let out a deep breath, making Keven look at me and ask if all is well.
“Yeah, I am good”
“Okay, now how are you actually?” He asked making me sigh.
“To be honest, s**t. Liz has been waking up every night from nightmares. Neither one of us has been getting any sleep”
“You thought of having her talk to a therapist?”
“No. You don’t think it is that serious, do you?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I am just letting you know that there are help options out there”
“Thank you Kev, for everything”
“Don’t mention it” he said, putting an arm around me and rubbing my arm for a few seconds before standing up.
“I am heading to the coffee shop, anyone want anything?”
“Yeah, a coffee would be f*****g lovely” I sighed, with my head leaning on my hands and my arms on the table.
“Damn, you leaving your girl?” Andrea teased him, as Keven looked confused as hell.
“My girl?” he asked, and I heard Nik sigh all the way to here.
“Oh get outta here lover boy and grab me a water bottle thanks” Andrea joked once again before Keven did just that. When he came back, class was over, so we started packing our stuff before we got out.
“What else is on your mind?” He asked as we walked a bit behind the rest of the group, to fit in the corridor like usual.
“It is the first Christmas for us without my parents, I am afraid that this will just make things harder on me.. and Liz”
“Why don’t you bring her to our house? We could all chill at ours and she can come, a change might be good for her”
“No.. I am not going to disturb you guys like that”
“Yo shut up, what have you got tonight?” He asked making me answer with a “nothing” hesitantly.
“Alright, perfect” he said before dragging me towards the rest of the group.
“Yo guys, chill night at our house tonight and Ella will bring her little sister Liz”
“YES! I miss that cutie” Kayla spoke.
“I am so down” Andrea said.
“Count me in” Haiden added.
“Y’all go ahead, I got some stuff tonight” Nik replied, quietly.
“All good?” I asked feeling a bit concerned.
“Yes”
It was not alright. Nik would never say just yes, he always had to add a ‘ma’am’ or ‘sir’ after the yes, he never ever left it alone.
What is up with life nowadays huh?
- Writer
