Dear Crush

Crush 9

Dear Adrian,

September

It had been four months since I last saw you.

During those months, I admit, there were days where I suddenly smile with an image of you in my head.

I had you in my youtube search history all the time because your voice gave me butterflies.

And also because sometimes I missed seeing your face.

It was hard.

Yes it was just a crush, a puppy love, or whatever you call it-- but my feelings were involved and when feelings are involved, it's never easy.

It will never be easy.

Every time I thought about you, my mind reminded me of how you rejected me.

When the feeling of rejection came back to me.... I would shut down my thoughts of you.

That was how I kept going.

My feelings were basically... static then.

I was in that stage where I wasn't sure anymore.

Heck you were the guy I basically liked for the LONGEST time in freshman year. It's kind of a big deal.

September came and I wasn't sure if I had moved on like I said I was going to do.

I was anxious.

Nervous.

Scared.

Excited.

First day of school came and I didn't see you.

I was disappointed.

Not because I really wanted to see you but because I was tired of being in that stuck-in-between stage.

Stuck in between 'I hate you and I have moved on' and 'I hate you but I still have some feelings left' stage.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Days turned to weeks.

It was unexpected.

I saw you. You saw me.

My world stopped just how it did four months ago.

Yes feelings came back.

But they weren't that strong anymore.

I wasn't sure what those feelings were honestly.

I saw you and yet I was still confused.

I needed to see you again, that's what I thought to myself.

And it was as if cupid read my mind.

I saw you again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Unexpectedly.

We made eye contact many times.

I didn't realized anything.

I just knew for sure this time.

It was like my feelings were finally confirmed after I saw you many times.

And now I really am sure.

I am completely over you Adrian.

Those many months that I was crazy over you was a long fun ride.

I don't regret any of the "dumb" things I did because now I have something to look back on.

Something my friends and I can laugh about.

I hope you will achieve your goals for this year.

I hope you get into medical school.

And if we ever see each other again in the future, who knows, I might actually have the guts to come up and talk to you.

Maybe I can tell you that I used to be crazy over you too.

But that is only when we meet again.