Through Their Eyes

Chapter Nineteen

I woke up the next morning with the sun shining through a gap in the curtains. I groaned as I threw the cover over my head. I didn’t want to face today as I didn’t want to say goodbye to my mum. I felt my eyes filling up with tears as I thought about yesterday’s events. I was feeling lost and felt alone. I was staring up at the ceiling after the cover off of me. I wanted to wake up in my own room with my parents downstairs making breakfast. I let the tears fall as I don’t know why my Uncle would kill his own sister. I mean didn’t he love her enough to let her live? Was his revenge that much that he took away her life? I wanted answers but I needed to deal with the funeral first and make sure my dad would be OK. I felt my body shudder when I thought back to when my dad turned his back on me after his mate had died. Doesn’t he realise that I need him more than ever now? I wanted to be in my dad’s arms and for him to stroke my hair and tell me it was all a dream like he used to when I had nightmares. I was still lying on the bed when I heard a soft knock at the bedroom door. I shut my eyes as I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. I heard the person knock again before they opened the door. “Alex?” Ethan asked softly as he popped his head around the door. “Are you awake?” I tightened my eyes shut harder as I couldn’t face him as I couldn’t bare anyone especially him to feel sorry for me. I heard him open the door even more before he stepped into his room. I didn’t move and even held my breath as he sat on the edge of the bed. I knew the tears were running down my face. Why must I always be crying when he sees me? “Alex, I know that you’re awake.”He moved a piece of hair away from my face. “I know how you’re feeling baby. Keeping it in won’t help you. I wish I was faster and saved your mum so you didn’t have had to feel the way you do.” I opened my eyes as he was blaming himself for my mum’s death. He didn’t know what Dennis was going to do and it certainly wasn’t his fault. He’s only feeling that way through the mate bond. I kept staring up at the ceiling as I fought with Paige to comfort him. I slightly moved my head and saw Ethan with his head in his hands. “I-It wasn’t your fault,” I whispered making him look at me. “Y-you didn’t know what was going to happen.” Ethan smiled a little as he opened his mouth to say something but he decided not to say what he was thinking. I sat up on the bed and reached for his hand. When I took hold of his hand I felt the familiar sparks racing through my hand and up my arm. I knew that he was going to be there for me but I didn’t want anyone to get too close in case they leave me as well. I wanted to know if he knew where my dad was. “Ethan, do you know where my dad is?” I swallowed the lump that had started to form in my throat. Ethan rubbed his other hand over the back of his neck before placing it on top of mine. “ I haven’t seen him since the incident. I have been looking for him but he is ignoring all the communications from everybody.” I felt my heart break even more as no one knew where he was. I prayed to the moon goddess that he wouldn’t do anything silly as I needed him in my life. I didn’t say anything else but enjoyed the feeling of having my hand enclosed in Ethan’s big hands. “Alex, you need to get ready for the funeral now,” Ethan whispered capturing my eyes with his. “I don’t want to make you feel like I’m rushing you so take a shower and I will bring you clothes from your house here for you to wear. Anything special you want me to bring?” “I want the dress that I wore for the welcoming ceremony as it was my mum’s,” I gulped trying to hold back the tears. “She wore it when she met my dad and it’s special to her.” “OK, I will go and grab it for you. Do you want anyone here to help you get ready?” Ethan asked as he stood from the bed and pulling me up with him. I lost my balance as I ended up crashing into his chest. I wanted to stay like this forever but I wasn’t ready for anything to happen between us. I felt his arms go around my waist as he kept me in his embrace. He kissed the top of my head as he held me in his arms. I slowly moved my arms till they went around his waist. I suddenly felt safe and that’s when the tears started again. I mean I’m such a cry baby. I pulled away from his embrace and looked down as I didn’t want him to see me cry yet again. He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face to look at him. “Alex, I will always be there for you no matter what,” He whispered before leaning forward and planting a light kiss on my lips. The feeling of his kiss on my lips made me want more and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I stepped into his body. I deepened the kiss, I felt Ethan stiffen but surrendered to the kiss. He pulled me away suddenly panting from the lack of oxygen and I saw the need in his eyes. “Alex, as much as I want to continue kissing you this won’t make everything go away. I am willing to wait till you are completely ready and not when you are upset.” Ethan groaned as he moved away from me. “I will go and grab that dress for you.” I watched Ethan leave the room with his werewolf speed leaving me on my own and to my thoughts. I knew he was doing the right thing but I wanted to forget everything for a little while. I headed for the bathroom. I stripped before standing under the shower and grabbed the sponge and shower gel. I scrubbed myself everywhere before rinsing and stepping out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around myself and went back into his room and saw the dress laid out on the bed with a pair of black shoes next to it with underwear beside the shoes. I smiled remembering the way my mum fought to get the stain out of the dress and it took her a few days to actually get the dress back to its perfection. I walked over to the dresser and looked in the mirror. I was shocked by my appearance as my face looked seriously pale and my eyes were red and puffy from crying. I had lost the sparkle that I had in my eyes when my mum was alive. I sighed as I ran a brush through my hair before throwing it in a messy bun. I didn’t want to put any makeup on but after seeing myself I settled for a light foundation and mascara and eyeliner with my clear lip gloss. I tried hard to keep myself together as I looked at the dress on the bed remembering how excited my mum was when she gave me it. I gripped the dress in my hands and brought it up to my nose. It still had my mum’s scent all over it and that’s when I lost it. I crumpled to the floor and screamed tears running down my face. I didn’t know how long I was on the floor crying and screaming but I must’ve have been loud as I had gathered an audience. Ethan, Faith, Czarina and their mates came crashing through the door. “Oh my goodness Alex,” Faith said falling to the floor in front of me and pulled me into a massive hug. “It’s OK,” she repeatedly whispered to me as she held me. I let all the emotions pour out of me before I was finished. “Guys, can you go and get yourselves ready? I will stay with Alex and so will Czarina,” I heard Faith tell the guys. I looked out the corner of my eyes as I watched Zack and Lionel leave. Ethan was hesitating as he looked like he didn’t know what to do. He took a step towards me but then decided to leave me with my best friends. “Alex, I’m sorry about your mum,” Faith said helping me to stand up with her and making me sit on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what I will do without her,” I wailed as fresh tears started running down my face. “Alex, she loves you and she will always be with you,” Faith reassured me as he stroked my back. “She would want you to carry on and live your life to the fullness and to be happy.” I smiled at my friends. I knew she was right and I suddenly felt tired. I just wanted today over with but I needed to be strong and brave so that my mum would be proud of me. I laughed a little as Faith was trying to tell me a stupid joke. I felt slightly better apart from being tired but I had to carry on. “We better help you get ready Alex before you have another meltdown,” Faith said prying the dress from my hands. I nodded as Czarina started brushing my hair again and Faith redoing my makeup. I finally got the courage to put the dress on and it brought tears back to my eyes as I admired the dress on in the mirror. “Alex, will you be OK for a couple of minutes while we run and get dressed? We will be right back,” Faith said nervously. “Yeah, I’ll be here,” I say trying to sound stronger than what I was feeling. “OK, be right back,” Faith said as both she and Czarina ran from the room to get dressed. I sat at the window looking out when I decided to have a look around Ethan’s bedroom. I don’t know why I have never noticed it before but his room was just what my dream bedroom would be like. The walls were a pale green and there was a four-poster kingsized bed and all the furniture were of light oak wood. I was wondering if it has always been like this as I swear when I first saw his room it wasn’t like this. I was deep in thought when Ethan’s scent hit me making me realise he had come into the room. “I am here to escort you to the funeral,” Ethan said sheepishly. “What were you thinking about?” I stood and sighed feeling nervous because I was caught checking his room out. I felt my blood rushing to my cheeks as I tried to find the words to say that wouldn’t make me sound creepy. “I was just admiring your room as if I had a dream bedroom this would be it right down to the furniture,” I mumbled hoping he doesn’t find me strange or worse weird. Ethan chuckled. “I have a confession, I had the decorators redo my room as a surprise for your birthday.” I felt my jaw drop as I was shocked that he had his room redecorated as a surprise for me. I felt shame as I should’ve noticed what he had done before now as I had been in his room a few times now. “I’m sorry I haven’t noticed until now,” I whisper quietly, knowing that he would’ve heard me. “I love it.” Ethan looked at me and was in front of me in a flash crushing me in a massive bear hug. “ I’m so glad you like it!” I melted into his hug even tho I was getting crushed. He quickly let me go before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the room. I was getting nervous on one hand but on the other hand, I was hoping to see my dad. I was worried that he wouldn’t be there to say goodbye. As Ethan and I walked towards the back garden I felt other pack members whisper about what had happened and the fact I was walking towards where we were having the funeral holding hands with the Alpha. I mean didn’t they already know that I was his mate since the welcoming ceremony? I stopped in my tracks which made Ethan stop and look down at me. “I can’t do this,” I whimpered. “ I’m saying goodbye to someone who should still be here with me.” Ethan pulled me into yet another hug and held me till I stopped shaking as much as what I was. “Alex, I will be right beside you, I promise you,” and with that, he took my hand again and squeezed it as we started walking towards my mum. I felt like I was watching myself from somewhere else when I stood there looking at my mum being lowered into the ground. I scanned the area and finally the one person who I wanted to see. My dad was hidden behind a tree looking like a shell of his former self. I couldn’t concentrate on what Ethan was saying as I kept staring at my dad. He looked a mess, his hair hadn’t been brushed and there was a day stubble on his chin. His eyes were red and puffy and you could tell he had been drinking. After the funeral had finished I started making my way over to where he stood in the forest line. I kept getting stopped by people telling me their condolences. I tried to keep from sounding rude but I needed to speak to my father before he disappeared again. I stopped walking when I was a couple of steps away from him. I could smell the alcohol off of him which made me cringe. My father was never a drinker and only ever had a drink or two at celebrations. “Daddy?” I said quietly making him look at me. “How are you coping?” I knew it was a stupid question but I needed to let him know that I still loved him. “Where did you go after you walked away yesterday?” My father kept staring at me and didn’t say anything. I moved slightly nearer and reached out for his hand. He watched me but didn’t move from where he was. “Dad, why don’t you come to the pack-house and get freshened up? Then we can talk,” I asked nervously as I held his hand. I couldn’t look up at him in case he walked away from me again. I held my breath as my dad didn’t say anything. I got the little bit of courage I had left and looked up into his eyes. He was just staring at me before he fell to his knees. I fell with him since I still had his hand in mine. I saw my dad’s face crumble as sobs racked through his body. I threw my arms around his neck hugging him with everything that I had in me. I felt my dad’s arms creep slowly around my waist as he continued to sob. I stroked his hair and tried to soothe him. I sat with him on the ground for hours letting him get all his grief out. We didn’t say anything to each other as we just held each other. I was stiff from the position I was in and noticed that its night time. “Dad, why don’t we go to the pack-house and get something to eat, yeah?” I said to my dad as I stood up supporting his weight. He still hadn’t said a word to me. We started walking towards the pack-house and I hefted my father’s body further up so I was taking most of his weight. He was heavy. Once I got us into the pack-house I sort of threw him onto a couch and I slumped into one of the chairs in the living room. I just sat there looking at my dad and wondered what he had been up to since the last time I had seen him. I was sitting in the chair staring at my dad when Ethan walked through the door looking worried. As soon as he saw me he ran to me and pulled me into his arms. “Where have you been? I have been looking everywhere for you,” Ethan whispered/shouted. I smiled and pointed towards the couch that my father was currently sleeping. I saw him look to where I was pointing and saw the surprise register over his face. I found it very difficult to keep a straight face. “I saw him during the funeral hiding behind a tree and I went to talk to him, Ethan,” I whispered to him. I managed to get out of his embrace and picked up a blanket that was over the other couch and placed it over my father. I smiled as I leant over and kissed my dad’s forehead making him slightly smile before turning to Ethan. “I’m sorry you were worried,” I say walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his neck. I tried to give him my most innocent look and it worked, as Ethan relaxed and returned the hug. “Don’t do that again babe, please,” he murmured into my hair. He pulled away slightly and gave me a really weird look. “What? Is there something on my face?” I started to scrub my face with my hands thinking something was on my face. Ethan was full-blown laughing now. “There’s nothing on your face babe, just makes a change not to see you crying. I mean nearly every time I see you you are crying. OW!” I pouted as I punched Ethan in the arm before I spun around on my heel and headed up the stairs. I knew he would mention the fact that I was always crying but I knew that already. Why do men have to point out the obvious by the way?