His Only Girl

Chapter 10

Char's P.O.V

Time flies, about 2 months plus since 'M' and I had dated. Long story short, we separated too. In my mind i was thinking; other people will judge me for sure for ending each relationship so quickly, however i feel that i can choose not to say as it's my own business. i don't need an extra opinions from nosy people as long as i know that i know what i am doing and i know what's best for myself as relationships can't be forced too. if deep down i know that the relationship would not work, it would not work for real.

So far, school has been stressful for me. I feel that so many things are going on at the same time which are personal life, school, health and relationships. sometimes, i just want to curl into a ball and just hide in my room away from all the nonsense outside.. 

* Char's Web Journal * 

*Update on Life*

I'm single now... sighs... to be honest it is just tough to find someone who accepts you wholeheartedly and gets through all the bullshit that is thrown at your face with you. How i wish a genie can grant my wishes to erase whatever crap that i had done in the past in exchange for my money that i have, i low key want my wish to be granted which is impossible in reality. 

So far, my life in school is just a hot mess from all the drama that is thrown at me. People just choose to assume whatever they want about me when they don't even know me, they just choose to judge and rate me for the nonsensical stuff that i did which results in being not credible and trustworthy which makes me think that am i really worth for someone to love me wholeheartedly after they know the truth about my past. The thought of that really stabs me in the heart on point every single time, from all the people that i met within two years and the bad decisions that i made. 

It just feels like i'm just a slut that nobody would ever love... 

Even when it's my birthday, i still wish for 'him' to come back and give us a chance again but it is just wishful thinking of me. Till now i still haven't thrown away the things that he gave me as my heart just can't let go of the thought of him and the happy memories that we had and experienced together. 

Even though how much i pray and hope for 'him' to come back to me, in the end i still have to leave it to fate as it just hurts me so deep that i still know that i still love him with all my heart. I admit that i made a uncountable fair share of mistakes in my life especially my past, i just know that i really loved him as he is my true first love in my life and someone who would just be there for me even though before he ended things. 

I just wish i can turn back time to the day i met him for the first time and make things right again... 

Till now, my heart is just numb. I know that i would not ever meet someone like him again... deep down if he meets another girl that he falls for i just wish him all the best with her even though how i wish the girl is me.. 

Now, i'm still learning day by day to live my life without him... I don't know how much time i need for my wounds to heal but i'm just pushing through day by day and trying to make the effort to love myself more and take care of my health and body.

*****

 - Next Day - 

I feel so drained emotionally as i haven't had a good night sleep since forever, every night i just don't have a good sleep i think about too many things constantly causing me to have headaches every time i wake up. Last night, i was being really emotional because i thought of him again. I know that no matter how much i think of him or cry because i miss him he won't come back into my life again and how much i wish i can undo my stupid mistakes when i was with him, it would never happen.

So far, i tried going on dates. I met someone whom i'm able to click well with but he doesn't want to go on serious dating with me and doesn't have any romantic feelings for me so i just let him be and move on to other people to go for dates.

When i was scrolling through my 'apps' , i matched with a guy name 'D'. We clicked well...

We went on a date once for a movie together, it was really enjoyable as before the movie we walked around the mall at orchard road to window shop a bit. He was really sweet and i enjoyed his company a lot, our movie was 3pm and it was about 2.45pm. I said: Let's go up and purchase our movie tickets! He said: Okay Let's go ! (Smiled at me) 

During the movie, we leaned on each other closely and snacked on the food that we bought before we enter the cinema. I really liked spending time with him and he really liked my company too but for him he hasn't been in a relationship before so he told me he's confused of his own feelings about me.

After the movie, i asked him if he wanted ice cream. He said; " Let's go i'm also kind of craving for ice cream (haha)"  We went to this ice cream shop in the mall, it is a i********: famous ice cream store where it is eaten with a huge cookie. The ice cream was really good tho, i ordered the thai milk tea ice cream and he ordered a milk cereal ice cream. 

After finishing the ice cream, i suggested that we head home as i don't plan to shop around this area. He held my hand than we walked to the MRT together, he told me: he wasn't sure how he felt about me , so i said let's just be friends instead. 

When we reached the MRT station, we bid each other goodbye and went separate ways as we stay far away from each other. 

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