Freak (Book 1)

Autumn

                                                                     Living Nightmare

        I was trying hard to silence my entry into the house. Maybe they will yell at me or maybe they won't even care. Still I decided to be cautious. I did a slight jog to the landing of the staircase before something stopped me "I gave you everything!, I gave up my life for you!, I gave up BILLIONS to be with your worthless ass!" My father's voice was the lightning that struck down onto the earth making everyone jump. I wasn't afraid of his demeanor, I've seen him at worse stages of his anger. What scared me was that it was directed to the one person in the world whom he claimed he loved. Pulled away from the banister and walked towards the source of the booming thunder. As I walked down the hall to the kitchen, old family photos littered the walls those were the good days. Mom was sitting down on the kitchen island in one of my dad's white button down shirt, her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and the empty wine glass in her hands was the reason behind the worry lines on her face, other than that her beauty was indescribable. "Asher please.." my mother said softly pleading with my father. I hid in the shadows of the unlit hallway. My father stood there shirtless and pair of unbuckled suit pants. His suit laid on the floor a few feet away from him. He clenched his hand around the whiskey glass as he swallowed down the rest that swirled around in the cup "Shut the f**k up b***h!-" He screamed, he took a few steps towards her and stopped, she looked so calm and unbothered. No woman should be used to a man verbally abusing her. In that moment, I felt so much sympathy for her that it made my heart melt. "I have f****d my assistant, your assistant, and the secretary. Did you really think you were special? You're a washed up b***h, I can't stand to even look at you" his words were disgusting, and hearing of his infidelity I hated him even more and my mother less. She had to sleep in the same bed with this monster. A deep sigh filled the room coming from my mother's lips as she nodded her head "Okay Asher.." she put the wine glass down onto the island before pushing herself off of the island. For some reason that infuriated my father even more, as my mother walked off he threw down the whiskey glass right down in front of her causing her to jump backwards in fright avoiding the shards of glass. My father lunged for her and gripped onto her forearm grabbing her violently and pulled her up against his body "Oh what's wrong baby? Don't you know not to walk away from me when I'm f*****g speaking to you huh??!" He shook her as he stared down at her, fright flooded my mothers brown eyes and I couldn't help but feel responsible. Ever since my sister died, his anger has been off the charts. Every little thing sets him off. She was the one who had to deal with him. "Let go of her!" I screamed stepping out of the shadows, my voice echoed through the unnecessary large house. It caught the attention of my drunken father, I inched closer to my mother with my hand held out reaching for her slowly. When dealing with a drunk person any kind of fast movements will threaten them causing them to react, it's like dealer with a lion or a bear. I eventually felt the warmth of my mother's hand it was so familiar and somewhat reassuring, I spent 9 months inside of her well 9 and a half , I know I haven't been her favorite person but I'm always going to love her. My father's eyes narrowed eyeing me down, I was so afraid to breathe that I held in my breathe and felt my face heat up. The grip he had on my mother slowly eased up as he looked back at my mother, I'm pretty sure he picked up on the fright that flooded the room. He closed his eyes, pressed his lips together, and cynical smile crawled onto his face. Suddenly he dropped his grip from my mother pushing her away, she yelped and clung onto the edge of the counter of the island. He snapped his neck towards me "I'm going to kill you!" He growled before lunging for me, and tackling me as if I was some quarterback on the opposing team. My body landed on the granite tiled floor the image of my father's fist rushing to my face was the thing I remember. 

        I stood there silently watching Bella furiously forcing her textbooks into her locker, I opened my mouth to say something in a poor attempt to comfort her. Bella slammed her locker as she clenches her math textbook to her chest. "I'm sorry I put you in that position Autumn"  She looked at me her eyes looked glassy, the side of her lip twitched as she pressed a smile onto her face. Her beautiful features drowned in the cover up of what she actually felt. The natural glow she usually had was nowhere to be found. She looked down as she walked passed me. I turned around and took a few breaths before walking up to her. Those eyes also suffered in silence, I wanted to know what was going on in her head and what she truly felt. "Bella-" I started, she whipped her neck at me cutting me off "Don't tell Roxy okay?" she said, it was more of a demand than a request, I tilted my head to the side as I looked away from her shaking my head Why is it that everyone give him a pass on his malicious behavior, he almost hit Bella and she is acting like none of it happened. I    opened and closed my mouth several times before  finally forming words "Why are you trying to protect him?" I asked with a hint of disgust in my voice but concern concealed it. She took a deep breath before stopping  and faced me, I stopped and looked at her. Annoyance was written all over her face "I'm not protecting him, I'm protecting Roxy. She is madly in love with him and she deserves to have someone to get her mind off of things" She was convinced that not telling her best friend is protecting her. I scoffed finding what she said completely ludicrous. "Bella, you aren't protecting her!-" I said louder than I anticipated, she looked taken back and stepped a few inches away from me "This isn't okay, You aren't okay. You don't have to pretend..not for Roxy or him" I tried reaching for her arm because her eyes said nothing but pain, I related to that. Maybe me trying to her to open up to me was a selfish attempt so I can open up to her and just tell her all of my issues. She jerked her body away from me and looked at me up and down and once her eyes looked back into mine all i saw was anger and disgust shooting daggers at me. "I met you yesterday! You have no right to tell me what's good for me and my best friend!" she spat, instinctively I stepped back and nodded looking down at my beat up converses. "I-I was just trying to help.." I said softly, Dammit Autumn! you see what you did!. I overstepped once again, with my parents and now with Bella, I was just trying to make things better, I only wanted to help. "Well don't. Just stay away from me" She shook her head looking at me before storming off down the hall and took a right disappearing from my sight. I backed up leaning against the wall leaning against it as students quickly filled up the hall seconds after the bell rang. The world slowed down as did I, negativity filled my mind as if I was an i********: comment section But instead of millions of people hiding behind a black mirror it was me, I was my own troll. Why do I even try?

        "Autumn?", present day came crashing in. No matter how much I wanted to live in the better past, I was sitting in chemistry class preparing for a science experiment with Roxanne. "Y-Yeah?" I responded lightly looking at her. Her eyes searched mine before they searched my face, and I already knew what question she was going to ask as her eyes widened "Autumn, what happened to your fa-" A brooding male walked into class causing everyone to lose focus at the task at hand, even Roxy. "Late to class yet again?" Nile stopped to stare at the teacher, he seemed confused. His glance darted around, head turning, as if looking for an answer. Nile shook his head violently and turned back to Mr. Woods "No, I uh-" Nile started as he looked up at the ceiling tapping his lips with his index finger. The class slowly let out soft snickers as Roxy leaned towards me smiling "He is so faded" she whispered as she gazed at Nile dreamily. I looked at her then back at him and flashes of him moments away from punching Bella littered my mind. He was a monster, a violent one, but his apparent looks made up for it. "Ah yes well I decided to take the responsibility of being late, and what that shows to the student body is not to be late" Nile finally said, it's like he was searching for a decent lie or just a flat out bullshit answer to cover him. But my nose picked up the scent of m*******a the minute he walked into class. While the whole class erupted into laughter, I didn't get what people saw in Nile, yes he was attractive but that's only physical. Nile was mean, and vindictive. These days people aren't attracted to the morals of a person or what they have going on inside their head. "Or you could just come to class early. Just go sit with Roxanne and Autumn. We are doing an in class experiment" Mr.Benson  said dismissing him and pointed Nile in our direction and as Nile scanned the class I immediately put my head down focusing on the loose fabric of my sweater. A loose thread came from the end of the sleeve and I knew it was the end of my favorite knit sweater. I took a deep breath as I heard the stool scratch against the floor and his heavy breathing signaled that he sat directly in front of me. I didn't want go cower in fear so I lifted my head up slowly and immediately met his silver eyes, they pierced through my skin, I shifted as I grew uncomfortable it felt like he was in my head reading all of my insecurities and faults of the past. "Roxy and Allison" he slurred slowly, his eyes peered away from mine as his attention was caught of the v-neck of Roxy's shirt. Wait, did he just call me Allison. I pressed my lips together and started to trace the hair tie that tightly hugged my wrist, I would correct him but I'm pretty sure if I did he would throw acid on my face."Her name is Autumn you i***t" Roxy said, snapping her fingers in front of his face which grabbed his attention from her exposed breasts and onto her face. Nile crossed his arms and leaned onto the table smirking "Allison, Autumn, Freak. I'll call her whatever I want okay?" He snapped, but a smirk still laid itself on his face. When he spoke he never acknowledged if I was here, he couldn't care less if he were to hurt my feelings. I breathed softly as I stared at him and Roxy who stared back at him completely under his spell. I blinked slowly taking a deep breath as I pushed my tongue against my right cheek irritably. I slipped the hair tie from my wrist and combed my hair into my palm,gripped it, and tied my hair up in a messy non-effort high ponytail.

        Roxy and Nile wandered lost into conversation as I sat  there third wheeling terribly mixing vinegar and baking soda, and the usual reaction was foam spilling out of the beaker. Simple middle-school experiment. "Hey!.." someone's quiet holler caused me to look away from the foam spilling onto the table. I pushed the goggles up onto the top of my head as my attention landed on the table next to me. He had this glowing brown skin, almond shaped eyes, a wide bright smile, and those lips. Stop it. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath snapping my attention back onto his beautiful face. "Hi" I said faintly waving with a tiny metal spoon in my hands which were covered in yellow rubber gloves. "Can you help me?, my lab partners are out somewhere getting it on in some janitor's closet" he chuckled softly which my body drop the spoon on the table and nod my head with my jaw on the ground amazed at his smooth deep voice. He definitely drinks a lot of tea..Wait what? I cleared my throat as I stood up from the stool and slowly made my way to his lab bench. I stood at the edge of the lab bench as I stared at the veins on his forearm. Well that's one way to make a girl drop her panties. "Too many concussions to the head" he said with a faint smile as he stared deep into my eyes, Oh God those eyes those beautiful brown eyes. "But nothing will ever distract me from you.." He said, at first I thought it was my overactive imagination, my heart did a skip..Is that medically possible?? Should I call 911??? I let out a nervous laugh and looked down at the three beakers that were in front of him one empty and the other two filled with vinegar and baking soda. My heart sped up and I was convinced that there was something medically wrong with me. Say something freak! "You must have 20/20 vision.." I said softly, immediately regretting it afterwards I reached out to the beakers embarrassed  "Hair tied and sleeves rolled up while doing experiments. You know the drill Autumn" Mr.Benson said across the class, his voice brought attention first to him then to me. I tightened my grip around the beakers and looked back at Mr.Benson who sat there conducting his own experiment to demonstrate to the class. "W-What?" my breathing became shaky, I heard Mr. Benson but I hoped that if I acted like I didn't he would dismiss what he had just said. "Its a safety hazard. Come on, you knew this.." he said, I could feel 24 pairs of eyes lingering on my skin. My scarred up skin. I forgot to put on bandages this morning. My mother was rushing me, she wanted to make sure we both avoided my father. No no no. Everything but this. The gorgeous man who sat there watching me finally said something "Ah screw him, do where were we?" He said inching closer, a nervous smile made its way onto my face my body started to relax as people lost interest in me and went back to their own business, even Mr.Benson. "What are you waiting for? Roll it up" and just like that the relief that flooded my body was sucked up by him. Nile Cale stood dangerously close to my side with his hand on the table and the other resting on his hip. Everyone's attention made its way back onto me and closed my eyes hoping that I was in my bed and that this was all an elaborate nightmare closeting my true fear, which was exposure and vulnerability. "What are you waiting for?", I looked up at him with pleading eyes but all I saw in his were amusement. "Just roll up your sleeves Autumn" Roxy said whispering over to me, I looked passed Nile and caught Mr. Benson standing up and crossing his arms over his chest. I looked around for help, even to the strangely attractive Male but no one was going to save me. "Please don't do this.." I whispered desperately looking back at him. His silver eyes had no sympathy in them "Roll them up Freak!" His booming voice made me jump, as my breathing became heavy I felt my heart jump through the roof. The entire class now shared Nile's amusement even the gentleman that sat a few inches away from us. Nile leaned forward and smirked "What do you have to hide?" He stared me down before backing up away from me and crossing his arms. My hands shook nervously as I put the beakers back onto the table. I dropped my arms in front of me and looked down at them. I gently caressed my scars through the black fabric before wrapping my fingers around the end of my sleeve and pulling it up slowly, I did the same to the other. An odd breeze danced on my now exposed forearms. New red scars danced over the slightly healed ones, and those scars laid on the old ones that just left marks. You are so..ugly. I  turned back to the table and gripped onto the beakers to keep me from making a fist. I looked back at the guy who brought up a fist to his mouth covering his curled lips, once again disgust was written all over his face. My chest rose and lowered quickly, I bottom lip shook with fear, and I stared down at the beakers as I felt his breath tickle my ear "You are such a f*****g freak.." he said it slowly and in a low voice that shook me to the core. I tried sucking in the rest of my pride but instead my face became hot and before I knew it tears made their way down my face. Stop f*****g crying! You are so f*****g weak! I slowly put the beakers back onto the table and nodded my head accepting  that the only thing people will think when they see me is disgust and embarrassment. From him from everyone in the class, Mr. Benson still stood there clueless. I few people masked their amusement with their disgust but I saw it in their faces. Finally, I looked back at the devil incarnate. He stood there with a huge evil cheek to cheek grin. The best kind of tears are the silent ones. Because no one will hear you, but in this case everyone saw me. It was like I was naked, they see my insecurities and flaws. My imperfections and ugliness. I couldn't do this anymore, more tears streamed down my face as I stepped away from the lab bench and back to mine bending down to pick up my bag from the floor before brushing passed Nile and running out of the class, wanting sanctuary desperately. As I ran, it felt like they followed me, their laughs, stares, and judgments deepened the scars mentally and physically because sooner enough I'll be on the bathroom floor deepening my scars to get away from this feeling. I forced my sleeves down and once the first tear escaped more and  more came as if they have been locked up for eternity, I couldn't stop running, the tears came endlessly as I ran through the endless maze of this damned school.