SHATTERED BY YOU

COMING BACK

ALEC’S POV,

“Really!?”

He asked, trying his best to act unfazed by the words that came out of my stupid mouth. But it was as clear as a summer morning in a scorching hot desert that he was shaken, hopeful, and happy.

I was happy too by letting out the truth, but it was not the right time or the right place. Neither was I on the right mental ground to start something with him. I was still broken.

There were two parts of me, one that was really happy seeing him again and was the reason I accepted Ms. Luna's offer. The one charged by our separation and my desire. That part of me wanted to throw all the reasons in the drain and move in with Jasper. Colton being the person who only believes in reasons hated that part of me. Well, he hated both of the parts. He was convinced that there was more to me than just two halves.

I knew there were only two parts, the one who was in love with him and the other one that hated him. My love for him was endless, so was my hatred, driven by the memories of what he did. All of the pain and heartbreak was still fresh. The wound was still open.

I smiled, trying to not think too much into hatred or love l.

He smiled back, his cheeks were turning red and there was a sparkle in his eyes. “Alex I thought of us—”

He started but I cut him in the middle to channel to something else from what I actually meant, “You're a great friend, always has been. I mean, we were like brothers in high school. Of course, I missed you, and Liz and John, their kids, mom, dad, Mrs. Clear, and even Stacy a bit.”

“Oh,”

He gave me a tight-lipped smile and the feeling of warmth that was ignited between us was once again turned into a pile of cold ashes. The sparkle from his eyes was gone, replaced by the glistening in his eyes. He looked away, maybe to stop the tears forming in his eyes from shedding.

I hated seeing him in pain but loved it too.

Among the many things my therapist told me one of them was to acknowledge my feelings, including hatred and pain. I acknowledged them, accepted them as a part of myself but never worked through them as he instructed. I simply couldn't lose a grip on my hatred for him, just like I could never stop loving him.

I truly am my biggest enemy.

There was awkwardness between us as we danced. I followed his lead, as the music transitioned very slowly into a romantic song that he used to play sometimes on the radio. I had no idea about the song, but Jasper was kind of a fan of the singer because he used to play other songs by him when we were in high school or when we lived together.

The song was a slow dance, we were much closer now, our chest was touching and so did our hips. My thighs could trace the boner in his pants, pushing against me and it was quite clear that he could feel mine against his thighs too. We both were affected by the other. It was weird how his mere touch was enough to make me horny.

I tried not to look around, fearing that the others saw everything and that they knew what's going on, but one hidden glance at Liz told me that she knew nothing about it and neither did anyone else. Almost everyone was pushed against their partner like us and was enjoying the music. They all were enjoying themselves.

Suddenly Liz looked at me and smiled suggestively when she saw the way we were wrapped around each other. I rolled my eyes as she blew kisses in my direction. I acted like I was dodging them.

We both laughed like stupids in the middle of the dance floor.

“You two are something else,” Jasper whispered in my ears as we danced. My head was on his shoulder, and that's when I realized the actual reason behind her suggestive smile.

The terrifying thing is that I didn't even remember putting my head on his shoulder.

“No, we are not,” I answered, followed by a small chuckle. “However, I heard that you two got pretty close after I left.”

I tried so hard to make it not sound bad, but it came out like an accusation.

“Yeah, guess so.” he shrugged, trying his best not to seem bothered by my tone. “She's my life savior. I owe her everything. I would have lost everything, including my sons if it wasn't for her help.”

That hurt more than it should have.

Damm you Colton for rubbing your, ‘Think about Jasper, he must be hurting too because of the whole thing.’ speech.

“I am sorry for what I did. I should have done it differently, more carefully.” I apologized.

“I was at fault, Alex. It was not your fault. Never was. Everything was on me. And I will forever regret doing what I did.” He said, tightening his grip on my waist. “You were the most real thing in my life and I lost it because I'm an idiot.”

“You're not an i***t and you don't have to apologize. What happened is in the past. None of us can change it, and it's not like you were the only one at the fault. I was wrong too.” I said as we danced to the rhythm of the melody. In the past few years, the one thing I got really good at was lying. “Looking back I could only remember all the happy things. It's nice actually. All the memories I've are happy, good memories.”

Along with all the hurt and pain.

“Yeah, I just hope things wouldn't have ended as they did.” He said with a little laugh at the end. And I got what he meant. “After that day, the only thing I could think of till this morning is if I could ever change the ending.”

He was making it more obvious with every word. And I wanted to scream ‘I love you,’ but I couldn't.

I couldn't say it, it was painful to say the three words. I was scared of using them again. The reason why I never said it to anyone. Even when Colton said it, I couldn't repeat it. It was just impossible to let the words out of my mouth. And he was the reason for that.

How could I ever forgive him for that?

“You look good. It's nice to see you happy. Not pretending to be happy, but actually happy.” I changed the topic, pulling from his shoulder to look at his face. A hint of a smile was lacing on his lips.

He aged like wine.

Stronger and sharper than before. His physical features were more defined, his chest more muscular with a hint of soft chest hairs visible under his shirt, even his arms were bulkier than before. The way he presented himself or talked was also different than before. He sounded more mature.

The only thing similar was his spicy scent, still compelling.

“I am happy.” He smiled and turned his head towards his two little sons who were talking to my dad about something in an animated fashion. “I've reasons to be happy. Two amazing reasons.”

“I am glad,” I said truthfully. I was happy about how he turned his life, but jealous more because it didn't bother him as it bothered me.

“I am glad too,” He repeated, bringing me closer to him. “What about you? Are you happy?”

“Well, I am. I am happy.” I lied, looking straight into his eyes. It was one of the things about lying I had learned over the years. Before it was impossible to look into someone's eyes and lie straight to their face, but now it came naturally.

“So, how's life?” He asked, genuinely interested. I looked for some kind of jealousy, but there was none and it bothered me to the core. How could he move on from me so easily? “And it's okay if you don't want to say anything.”

And when did he learn to be considerate of others?

“My life's pretty much the same,” I answered without any hesitation. If he's happy with his life, the least I could do was make him believe that I was happy too with my life. “I am still a chemical engineer, living in a huge house with my boyfriend in Los Angeles. Everything is just the same.”

I meant more than I said because my life was still just like it was five years ago. I was still an engineer working for the chemical industry. Living in a luxurious house with a man that I love, still we lack something. We slept together in the same bed. Share the same room, sometimes even clothes. Still, I was not happy and neither was the man with whom I was sharing the roof. Both of us were hurting, but neither had the guts to say anything to the other.

“Someone is sharing,” He teased.

“Because it's already been five years. I missed home.” I rolled my eyes.

“So are you coming back to New York or staying in Los Angeles?”

“Coming back?”

He smiled awkwardly, “I read about Colton signing the contract with Purple House, so I thought…”

“We are coming back,” I answered his question, trying not to sound much excited. “Truthfully, I never liked Los Angeles. I always wanted to come back. Manhattan is where I belong.”

“When are you planning to come back?” He was excited about learning the piece of information.

“I am not planning to go back,” I smirked and his eyes widened when he realized what I meant. “Colton got into Purple House and right now you're talking with the president of Luna House.”

“Wait you meant that—”

“I am staying.” I completed for him and his face brightened up. I couldn't see my face, but I am sure my expression must be a mirror of his. Not because I was that glad, because I was mirroring him.

Just then the song playing ended and another one began. As the voice filled the atmosphere we looked into each other's eyes. “Of course, they are playing this song.” Jasper laughed softly.

It was our wedding song, the one on which we slow danced. It was Liz's favorite. She and Jasper won their prom king and queen on that song. It was their song, but that night, seven years ago it became our song. The night my life took a sharp turn. And to this day I don't know if it was for good or bad. Maybe never will be able to figure that out.

“Why wouldn't they, it's her favorite?”

“True,” He shook his head. “You have no idea how much I hated hearing it every morning. It's s the only song she used to play on our way to school.”

I started laughing. It was real, not fake.

He pulled me closer to himself again. My one hand was on his back and the other against his chest. He smiled smugly. I hated that look. It reminded me of how perfect his life was, unlike mine.

“You remember Chris slipped dancing on our wedding night on this song?” I said the first thing that came to mind about that night and laughed like it was the most hilarious thing in the world.

And just like I hoped the smile on his face faded away. He looked to his left, at the center of the stage where Liz and John were dancing, probably remembering the moment we had that night. Although the whole marriage was a setup by our parents for their gains, still I knew it felt real to some part of him too.

For the first time that evening, I saw the same pain in his eyes that I was feeling. He was hiding behind a facade too just like me. He was also trying to hide himself from everyone, playing the part of a cherry man. He was unhappy too under the surface.

“He blamed it on Mia’s dress.” Jasper smiled tight-lipped after saying. Sadness was in his eyes, and a closer inspection told me that it was not for himself.

‘Does he know?’ I questioned myself. At the same time, I cursed for bringing that up as more questions started coming up.

‘How much he knows?’

Who else knows?’

‘What will he do?’

“I don't know much, but from what mom told me they had an ugly divorce.” He said in a sad tone, his eyes down, and a sigh escaped his mouth. He knows. But what amazed me more was seeing him feel bad for Chris of all people.

“Yeah, it was pretty ugly.” The horrors of the divorce and the aftermath came back to haunt me. I looked away just as the song ended.

“Can I've everyone's attention please?” The wedding planner spoke into the microphone. Everyone stopped dancing and looked at her.

“s**t, I've to go,” Jasper said, patting his pants pockets, looking for something. “Where is it?”

“What happened?” I asked, pulling from him as he started checking the pockets of his jacket.

“I've got to get ready for my speech.” He said in the most casual tone.

“You're delivering a speech? At a wedding? ” I asked in amusement. “What happened to you?”

“Shut up!” He rolled his eyes and took out a few cards as we walked to the side. “I am already freaked out, don't say anything else.”

“Okay,” I raised my hands in surrender.

“Wish me luck.” He said walking away as his name was called from the stage.

“All the best!”

“Thank you and yeah.” He turned back at me with a smirk painted on his pink lips. “I'll come back soon. Don't run away again. Wait for me.”

I laughed, “I will try, no promises though.”