SHATTERED BY YOU

BATHROOM STALL

JASPER’S POV,

Liz and John were sitting in front of me. John had his arm wrapped around her back, her hand resting over his other hand, the one with the wedding band. They both had a glass of champagne in their hands and they smiled occasionally as they looked into each other's eyes.

Newlyweds

Looking at them I wondered if I could ever have what they have.

I took the microphone from the hostess and cleared my throat in the mic. It shrieked. Fantastic start.

“Good evening everyone,” I greeted in a happy tone despite feeling nausea and the urge to flee before making a huge joke of myself. Speaking in an event like that was definitely not me.

“I hope you all are enjoying yourself.” I tried to say that in a cool tone but my voice came out weirder than ever. Liz chuckled, and so did most of the people in front of me, including her husband. It was clear that both Liz and John were enjoying seeing me in misery. Now thinking about it makes me question if they asked me to deliver the speech because of that. Taking a deep breath I continued, “I don't like talking in front of so many people, outside the office, or about any non-work-related things. So, this is going to be super short.”

“Not fear,” Someone from the crowd screamed. I bet it was one of John's distant cousins. John had like hundreds of cousins and they invited every one of them. So, fifty percent of the population was actually Asian. I thought they were joking when Liz said that John should all of his family members.

Boy was I wrong.

“So, I wrote this,” I pulled out the cards from my pocket and looked at the things I'd pointed out. “Well, first off I will like to start the speech by thanking each one of you for taking some time from your busy life and coming here to share the happiness of these two lovebirds. Also, I won't mind if you ignore the speech because as I can see half of you are too drunk and the other half are bored, because, well it's the most boring wedding I've ever attended. And I've attended more than fifty doll weddings planned by my sons, and Darcy.”

Everyone laughed as if I was joking, but I wasn't. The wedding was boring. My wedding had all its faults and drama, but it wasn't boring. Those two really planned it like they were planning a meeting. Everything thing was color coordinated, with no crazy music or drunken drama. The only exciting thing that happened at the whole wedding was Alex.

“But that's what happens when you attend the marriage of a cliche blond with a degree in management from ivy league and OCD, and an Asian who works in finance. The stereotype couple.”

That caused another round of laughter from the audience. Liz was shaking her head even flipped me off in front of everyone. Alex laughed from his seat next to her table. Both my sons were on his laps. They were playing with his jacket buttons and talking, and giggling among themselves.

Three of my favorite people on a single chair. It was a picturesque moment.

“See..see...and she's the woman who babysits my kids. Now I know who to blame, for the knowing giggle.” Jay looked at me and when I raised my brow, he hid his face in Alex's shirt, who hugged him tightly and kissed his head. He was doing amazing with my kids. And it was clear that the twins liked him too.

“I wrote a lot about our childhood, friends and how amazing she is, but I think it's all a waste because I don't have to tell anything to anyone who knows her. She is that amazing.” I meant it and put the cards away to speak the truth. “I am grateful for you, for always being there for me. For helping me with business, kids, and life when I was drowning. And I will be forever grateful for you.”

I started having tears in my eyes.

She was wiping her own eyes. For a second I looked at Alex and saw his head down. I looked away and fixed my gaze at John was kissing Liz on the cheek. “You won't know how lucky you are to be able to spend your life with the most incredible woman in the world. She's a great mother, a great daughter, a bearable sister ” It caused another laugh from the people. Liz laughed too looking at Alex but had her eyes wet. “And a best friend that I needed in my life. She's my anchor and I know she'll be yours too. Treat her like she deserves the world because, in reality, she does.”

I brought the microphone down. A thunder of claps rumbled. I walked to Liz who was standing with both her arms ready to hug me. I hugged her tightly and then hugged John.

He patted my back and whispered, “You told me that you weren't ready with the speech last night when I asked for help for my speech. So, how come you made everyone cry with just a few words.”

“Stop whispering and let me go. Your cousins are giving us weird looks.” I whispered in his ears, and he let me go.

“They are perverts.” He rolled his eyes.

I looked around to see Alex, but he wasn't in his seat or anywhere around. My sons were with my mother. He was gone once again. I lost him again.

“He went towards the bathroom,” Liz whispered in my ears before sitting down.

I excused myself and rushed towards the bathroom. As I neared the building, I saw him walking inside it, so I followed him. He disappeared inside the bathroom and without waiting for a minute I ran inside too. When I was inside, I saw him leaning against the sink, his palms resting on the marble.

Hearing me running inside, he looked up into the mirror; eyes red and his soft cheeks stained with tears. His hairs were pointing in all directions and the liquid discharging out of his nose. He wiped the nose and turned towards me.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, trying desperately to wipe his eyes. He wanted to hide the tears from me.

“I saw you coming inside and thought I can't let you run away from me again,” I answered, trying to cheer up his obvious foul mood. “I won't let you run again from me.”

“You can't say it like that, you just—”

“Why can't I tell the truth?” I said, stepping closer to him. “I thought I could let you be happy with that Brit, but I can't. I can't stay away from you. It hurts too much. You know that, I know you can feel it too.”

“I am sorry,” He said, pushing me away from him. “I am sorry that I ended things like that, and I am sorry for all the things you had to go through.”

“None of it was your fault. Everything happened because of me. I was the one at fault. I regret everything, but you know, the thought of being with you again, seeing you again kept me away from the darkness. I need you, Alex. You have no idea how much I need you. Without you, my life is a mess. I try to be happy and for the most part of the day I'm happy with my sons, but your absence is like a void in my heart that could never be filled by anyone else ” I confessed, my own eyes were teary.

I pulled his hands away and hugged him.

He smelt the same, he felt the same in my arms, yet very different. There was no warmth radiating from him, I could only feel the cold, the emptiness, and the distance between us. He never hugged me back. He stood like a rock. I tightened my grip, pulling him more, yet the feeling of warmth never came back.

“I can't—” He pulled himself when I loosened my grip around him. “We can't. We will never work. We...I ended things because we're not fit for each other. We were toxic and none of us deserve a toxic relationship.”

“That's your thinking. I never saw us,” I pointed towards us. “As toxic. And even we're toxic, I want you, love.”

“Jasper we're attending a marriage, let's just focus on that instead of focusing on us.” He sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. “I'm here to attend the marriage of my sister, that's it.”

“Yet here we are, in a bathroom when we should be attending the wedding.”

His nostrils flared and for a moment I felt like he was going to punch me. “I didn't come here to find you. You are the one who followed me.”

“Because you disappeared and I felt like I did something,” I tried to explain.

“Not everything is about you.” He pushed me away, but I grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to myself.

“Then why did you come here?” I asked, wiping away the tears from his eyes. He sighed and tried to step back, but I kept my hand around his waist to keep him close to myself.

“Because I feel terrible about breaking up things like that. I never thought it would affect you so hard.” He started, sobbing again and more tears followed. “I came here because I'm ashamed of myself. My doing.”

“I said it before and I will say it again,” I whispered. “It's not your fault. I was the coward who thought that keeping the truth from you will save you from the hurt, but in reality, I was saving myself.” I moved my hands to his shoulders and started massaging them slowly. One of the stupid things I've seen in Netflix YA shows. But it worked for them, so I followed.

“What are you doing?” He asked, but never pulled away.

“You are stiff,” I answered while getting closer. He didn't move so neither did I.

I kept massaging his shoulders and inching towards him until I had us pushed against each other. I could feel his entire body on my own, every single part pushing against me. He reached up and pushed the jacket off me.

“I am stiff, for you.” He whispered seductively in my ears before pulling my shirt out of my trousers.

“You're sure about this?” I asked, holding his beautiful face. He pulled from my hands and started kissing my jaws.

“I-” He sank down and started kissing my neck. “It's nothing related to any feelings or any of that stuff. This is just s****l desire. I missed having s*x with you. That's all this is.” He reached forward and pressed his mouth against mine, lips trembling, breathing slow and deep.

“We're really doing this?” I asked for confirmation once again. He nodded his head and started unbuckling my belt. “What about Colton? He is your boyfriend, right?” I tried not to look at him, because I know all my reasons will be drowned down if I look into his eyes.

“We are in an open relationship. We can do whoever we like, whenever we like.” He answered, unbuttoning my pants. The pants were about to drop on the floor when I grabbed the waistband.

He looked at me with a confused stare, before his eyes went neutral.

“The door is open, anyone can walk in. We shouldn't have it here, we can—”

“The stalls,” He grabbed my right hand and pulled me towards the stalls, while I tried to not trip over. “No one will see us here.” He said once we were inside and he closed the door.

“My jacket is on the floor outside, and the people could still hear us if—”

But before I could complete, Alex without saying a word dropped to his knees and pulling my boxer-briefs down he took me in his mouth.