Beyond redemption

*Warning, not for sensitive viewers * *Description of child abuse, drug abuse, s*x addiction etc* Celine Coner How did I get myself into all this...? I have been asking myself this for nearly 5 years. I am only 17 but my life, it's been nothing like the movies or books. In reality its been nothing but regular abuse and addiction, s*x and self mutation. How did I get here. My memories are fulled with endless beatings and hoared cries. I guess it all started the day my mother allowed one of her numerous boyfriends to actually have s*x with me. I was only 4,but I remember every part of that ordeal as if it had happened yesterday. Remembering the man force himself into me, my mother laying passed out on the floor, remembering the smell of blood as my flesh was being torn apart, the pain that became so incredibly overwhelming, till finally I was completely numb... Remembering the doctors and nurses rushed me into the operation theater, yelling amongst themselves to try and save what's left of my mutilated body.... Remembering waking up to see I'm all alone, no one but the emty beds inside the hospital room... This is one of many memories I recall, and till now I am still fighting nightmares every day. After that fateful night my mother disappeared from my life right up until the birth of my brother. My grandmother had taken me to tje hospital to go and pick up my mother and new sibling. I watched as she carried something in her arms and got into the car. "The doctor said his fine, we just need to come back in a few days..." My mother said to my grandmother. "Thats good... Let me see him.." Said my grandmother. My mother was a bit reluctant but showed my grandmother. "Where is his head, mommy?" I asked when I wasn't able to see him. "He doesn't have one, now get back into your seat.." She said and pushed me back into the back seat. Later years I would find out the reason she was so reluctant was because my brother was the child of her uncle, my grandmother's brother. The next year was like a dream, my mother was always around but unfortunately she had no time for me. She didn't stop seeing different men either. Its was her occupation. A prostitute. The one man who left a deep impression on me was an Indian man. Uncle Abee. He was a very kimd man and always gave us money and food and took great care of us... When he finally stopped coming my grandmother told me the truth... The man I had come to adore was actually married and when his family found out about his relationship with my mother they forced him to leave the country and go back to his country... We never heard from him again and thats also the last time we were happy. My mother couldn't be a mother so instead she left me and my brother with her twin sister and ran away with her boyfriend. My aunt was a very kind woman and unlike my mother loved me and my brother endlessly, but her husband was a different story. He would get drunk and than beat my aunt till she was unconscious, and than turn to me and my brother. I always protected him and took the beatings, although I was only 5. My aunt finally had enough and to save me and my brother called child protective services. But little did she know she would come to regret her decision years later. I wasn't the best child but I wasn't bad. Yes, I had little manner and alot of behavior issues, but the first family we were placed with made things worse. After nearly 3 months the day we left finally arrived. We were placed with an older couple who had two grown children. Annisa and Aiden. 28 years old at the time. They were twins, yet Aiden showed me more concern than Annisa and most often I would creep into his room and sleep with him. I felt safe behind his back. He never once touched me and always allowed me to sleep behind his back clutching his shirt as I slept. I would wake up early every morning when Aiden would leave for work and go back to my room. Mu days were full of endless hours of hard labor. I would be made to clean my romm and than help feed the animals on the farm. And while doing all this, I had to still take care of my baby brother who was only one year old. This wasn't bad, but I had to learn early on that I could only depend on me, no one else, under no circumstances, ever. I was living with them for around 5 months until one day Annisa found me in Aiden's bed. I had crept into his bed like numerous nights before, and fallen asleep soundly when suddenly I was yanked of the bed by my hair, and thrown on the floor. "You little w***e, you're not even 6 and yet you are already throwing yourself at my brother..." I looked up at Annisa who was raging with anger. My eyes were like that of a frightening deer staring into the headlights of an oncoming car, just before it get struck. I didn't say anything, she grabbed my hair again and pulled me out of Aiden's room, down the stairs and into the bathroom. "Today I will teach you a life lesson..." She ripped off my clothes and than pushed me into the bath tub. She than open the tap and started spraying me with cold water. This all happened in tje middle of winter. "Let this be a lesson, you little slut, you need to know your place..." I shivered but didn't move or make a sound. I was to scared of what she would do if I didn't submit myself to her punishment. I was starting to see stars when suddenly I heard Aiden's voice. "What the f**k Annisa, she is just a child... Why would you do this.." He screamed at Annisa as he took the shower from her hands and than proceeded to wrap a towel around my body before picking me up and taking me to my room I shared with my brother. I was shivering so much my teeth started clattering together. I started feeling numb. "Celine, are you okay... Celine..." Those were the last words I heard before fainting. When I woke up 3 days had passed and I was in the hospital. I had contracted bronchial Nimonia. I was admitted to the hospital a day before and that's also the last time I saw that family. After spending a week in hospital a familiar face came to visit me. She was our case worker. Bothle Hamadi "Hi baby are you feeling better?" I just looked at her and kept quiet. "Celine, you are going to a new family tomorrow... Don't worry okay, they are good people. I promise.." My brother was placed with my grandmother while I was going to a family who was also friends of my grandparents. I can't wait to meet my new family. I was waiting anxiously by the hospital room door when a middle aged woman and her husband approached me. "Hi you must be Celine?" She asked I just smiled as she was the most beautiful lady I ever saw. Than I nodded my head sheepishly. Her husband came and crouched in front of me. "Hi there.. Im Uncle Francis, but you can call me dad, if you want.." I was a bit surprised, because I never had a father,but being only 6 years old I had the naive believe that things would be different. But in fact it was only the beginning...