Beautiful Shots

“Beautiful Reasons Behind Everything”

“Mommy, why do we need to pray?”

May masuyong ngiting nilingon ni Sophia ang anim na taong anak na si Henessa. Nakaupo ito sa kama at naghahanda na para matulog ngunit tila hanggang ngayon ay gumagana pa ang pagiging witty nito.

“We pray after we wake up, before we eat, before we sleep… We pray a lot, but why?” nakakunot-noo pang tanong ni Henessa na sinabayan pa ng pagkiling ng ulo.

Nagpakawalang ng isang buntong-hininga si Sophia at naupo sa tabi ng anak. “We pray because it’s our way to communicate to God.”

“But I thought, God can always hear and see us. Bakit pa po tayo nagpe-pray kung palagi naman Niya tayong naririnig at nakikita?”

Sumandal siya sa headboard at iniakbay ang kaliwang braso sa anak sabay hapit ng maliit nitong katawan palapit sa kaniya. “God wants to talk to us and He likes hearing things from us.”

“Talk to us? But we do all the talking when we are praying,” Henessa said while scratching her small nose.

Sophia let out a sigh before speaking while thinking that surely they will have a long night time story telling ahead. “Okay… Here we go. Do you remember the time that you accidentally broke your friend’s new doll?”

Henessa looked up at her pouting. “Why are you bringing that up, mommy? I thought we’re fine with that. I already said sorry to Misha.”

She beamed at her. “I know… I know. This time I want you to remember what was the right thing that you did and not the wrong one.”

Henessa paused for a second before she answered. ”I admitted what I have done and then said sorry to her and her mom. You even bought a doll for her and for me because of that.”

“Uhuh. That’s right! How about the day you broke grandma’s favorite flower vase?” Sophia went on.

“Mommy?” Henessa protested.

“The good one, sweetie,” she reminded.

“I admitted that I’m the one who broke it,” she replied before turning to her. “But then, dad and you already knew that it was me who broke it,” she pointed out.

“And by admitting your mistake, that’s honesty, sweetie.”

“Hmmm… Mommy…” Henessa stared at her in confusion.

“Remember the times you’re telling us what you like to eat? Or those moments that daddy and I like hearing stories from you when you come back from school?”

Henessa nodded instinctively yet her face didn’t change. “I still don’t get it, mom. What’s with all of those?”

Sophia tucked some strands of Henessa’s hair behind her ear. “See those? We like that you know your mistakes, and you admitted them without us forcing you to do it. We knew that you broke grandma’s favorite flower vase, yet it’s good to know that you’re being honest to us. God, even though He sees us and watches us, loves to hear from us. God wants us saying sorry and asking for forgiveness if we made mistakes. He likes hearing stories from us. It’s making Him happy knowing we enjoyed His gifts, and that we’re thankful for those.”

“So, it’s the reason why we always thank Him before we eat and sleep, and even after I wake up in the morning?”

“Yes, sweetie.”

“Is God going to get mad if I’m not being honest? Or if I didn’t pray?” her voice suddenly changed into melancholic.

“He will surely be sad if we stop talking to Him. And speaking of not being honest, malulungkot rin siya.” Sophia paused for a while and stared at Henessa. “But you know what, sweetie… He’s an understanding God. Mas maunawain pa Siya kesa sa’min ng daddy mo.” Hinawakan niya ang kamay nito at pinisil iyon. “Naalala mo noong nagalit si mommy dahil pinakialaman mo ‘yung mga gamot sa cabinet? Nag-aalala si mommy sa’yo pero maling sinigawan kita.”

“Mali naman po kasi ako…” katwiran nito sa mahinang tinig.

“Mali ka pero hindi kita dapat sinigawan. I should talk to you in a nice way.”

“Pero okay lang naman po sa’kin iyon. Sabi ni daddy mahal mo pa rin ako at alam ko pong nag-aalala kayo sa’kin,” nakangiting saad nito habang nakatitig sa kaniya.

“I don’t know what God will do, but for sure, God will not shout at you the way mom did. Instead, He will correct you in His great way.”

Tumango-tango si Henessa. “Pero mommy, how does God talk to us? Why can't I hear Him?”

Sophia let out a soft and happy heave. Henessa’s inquisitiveness is just like Hector’s when they were young. Her husband really had a strong blood flowing inside this girl.

“God talks to us not through our ears only but through our mind,” she pointed at Henessa’s temple, “heart,” she went on as her finger moved to her chest, “and soul,” she finished holding Henessa on her both shoulders.

“But how?” Henessa asked, sounding impatient as she shakes her head.

“Do you remember the day that mom was sick and dad was at work? Baby Sanya cried and even though you wanted to play, you took care of her until mom got her milk.”

“Eh? Dapat naman po ganoon talaga ang gagawin,” katwiran nito.

“When we pray often, it’s so easy for us to hear God’s sweet and good whispers. Praying helps us to have a better connection to Him.”

“So iyong whisper na gumanti ako kapag inaway ako, hindi si God ang nagsasalita?”

“Yes.”

“Pero paano kung kaya po ako lalaban ay para hindi na nila ako awayin?”

“God was protecting you, and honey, magkaiba ang dedepensahan mo ang sarili mo sa gaganti ka.”

Henessa pouted again though her eyes were blinking in fascination.

“Sweetie, praying is like vitamins. No, it’s way better than that. The more often you pray, the closer you are to God.”

“Oh…” Henessa grinned, her eyes growing wide. “Is it like the vitamin C?” Henessa’s voice hitched up.

“Yep!”

“Ohh! The vitamins for the soul! Vitamin C with ‘C’ as Christ! Jesus Christ!” Henessa muttered giggling.

Lumapad ang ngiti niya sa anak. “What a witty girl.”

“I heard it from Tita Hannah while she’s scrolling on Facebook.”

“I see. So, ready to pray and sleep?”

Henessa tilted her head up. “Not yet, mommy.”

She blinked and asked, “Why?”

“I still have lots of questions…”

“Like?”

“If praying will help us come closer to God, why do we— you, daddy and grandma always read the Bible? My teacher also told us stories from the Bible like Noah’s Ark and David and Goliath.”

Hindi alam ni Sophia kung matatawa siya o ano dahil sa mga tanong ng anak. Maliit pa lang ito ay biba na at mukhang habang tumatagal lalong lumalago ang curiosity at awareness nito sa mundo.

“Oh I’m sorry, sweetie. God’s other way of talking to us is through His words—and that’s the Bible.”

“Kung word po ni God ang nakasulat sa Bible, bakit magpe-pray uli bago magbasa ng Bible?” Hindi pa nakakasagot si Sophia nang magpatuloy si Henessa. “Si Lola Sabel bago magbasa ng Bible nagdadasal muna.”

Oh geez.

“Because a bad whisperer may deceive and lie to you.”

“Bad whisperer? Like the snake who told Eve to eat the apple?” Henessa inquired, her eyes growing wide.

“Yes, but it’s not an apple, sweetie,” she corrected with a grin. “That’s the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil.”

“But why doesn't God want them to eat the fruit? They just wanted to be wise.”

Sophia caressed her hair. “There are certain things that God doesn’t want us to know, because it might harm us. Or we cannot understand them.”

“Like?”

Hindi kaagad siya nakasagot sa tanong ng anak at sa halip ay bumalik ang mga alaala ng kahapon. The day when her dad died, those days that her mom, though still alive seemed a walking dead, and died at the end because of sadness. She remembered those days that everything has gone and everyone left her alone. All alone…

Wala siyang nauunawaan noon. Until Hector came into her life and shed some of his light, showing that God never really forsaken her. God heard her cry and remembered her.

“Mom…”

Napakurap siya nang maramdaman ang pagkulbit ng anak. “Sorry, sweetie.”

“Okay ka lang, mommy?”

Ngumiti siya. “Yeah. Naalala ko lang sina mommy at daddy,” pag-amin niya.

“Do you miss Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Sometimes…”

“Is that one of the reasons why God doesn’t want to let Eve and Adam eat the fruit?”

“Oh sweetie,” she whispered.

“Teacher told us the story of Adam and Eve, and she said that if they didn’t disobey God they wouldn’t die. Is that true?”

“Perhaps….Mommy actually doesn’t know. No one knows what might happen next. Only God knows.”

Natahimik si Henessa at nilaro-laro ang unan na nasa kandungan nito.

“Sweetie…”

Tiningala siya nito at parang piniga ang puso niya nang makita ang lungkot sa mga mata nito. “So one day, mommy… You and daddy will also die?”

Napakagat-labi siya sa tanong ng anak. Niyakap niya ito nang mahigpit bago bumulong, “Oh, sweetie.” Humiwalay siya rito nang maramdaman ang pag-alog ng katawan nito. Nagsisimula na itong humikbi.

“Even Lola Sabel? Or Mama Marianne?” Bahagyang humina ang tinig nito nang banggitin ang pangalan ng totoong ina.

“Henessa …”

“I hate Adam and Eve for disobeying God!” Henessa suddenly cried out.

“Oh look, Henessa,” she calmly made Henessa face her. “Death may be painful. It’s not a good thing, but you know what? We have God who could turn bad, broken, painful or sad things into beautiful ones.”

Tinitigan siya nito. “But how?”

“Bata ka pa kaya hindi mo pa maunawaan pero imagine mo kung kaya nating gawing isang malaki at magandang parol ang marurumi at lumang mga bote, how much more God can turn those bad things and mistakes we do into a beautiful one.”

“Pwede pang buhayin ni God ang mga taong namatay na? Doon sa story ni teacher may binuhay si Jesus na patay na. Bakit hindi niya buhayin sina Lolo at Lola? Baka dapat ipag-pray nating mabuhay sila,” sunod-sunod na ani ni Henessa.

Pinagdiit niya ang mga labi at huminga nang malalim. Hindi niya lubos akalaing sa murang gulang palang ni Henessa ay napakaraming tumatakbo sa isip nito. “Walang imposible kay God. Kaya niyang buhayin ang mga namatay na. However we have to die for us to be with Him. Nawawala lang ang katawan nating ito dahil mahina lang ito at pansamantala. Tumatanda, nagkakasakit, nasasaktan at kalaunan… We died… Pero kapag nawala na tayo sa mundong ito. God will give us a new life, a new body that will not get hurt, sick nor starve. At mas maganda ang buhay na iyon kesa sa buhay na meron sa mundong ito.”

Ilang segundo siyang tinitigan nu Henessa bago ito nagsalita. “We will not die there again?”

“Uhuh.”

“Mommy… Pupunta tayo ng heaven if we died?”

“When God said so…”

“Hmmm… Mommy…”

“Yes, sweetie?” she turned at her, smiling.

“Hindi na tayo magkakasakit doon?”

“Absolutely,” tumatangong tugon niya.

“O masasaktan?”

Tumango siya at naaaliw na pinagmasdan ang pabago-bagong ekspresiyon na nakalarawan sa mukha ng anak.

“Hindi na magugutom doon, mommy?” kumukurap-kurap na tanong nito.

“Yes.”

“So, wala ng chocolate doon?” inosente pa ring tanong nito at bago pa mapigilan ni Sophia ay napahagalpak siya nang tawa.

“Mommy!”

“Sorry, sweetie.” She gave her a hug. “We’re truly blessed to have you,” she whispered, giving her nose a soft pinch.

Henessa scratched her nose. “You’re always doing that.”

“Ang cute mo kasi.” Niyakap niya muli ito at ilang sandaling natahimik sila, pinakikiramdaman ang bawat isa. “Still not sleepy?” she asked after a few beats.

“Malapit na, mommy… Pero may last two questions pa po ako.” Humiwalay ito sa kaniya at tiningala siya.

Sophia stared down at her. “Dig in, sweetie. Mommy is listening.”

“Mom, God loves us, right?”

“Of course.”

“Makikita ko ba Siya kapag namatay ako?”

Tinitigan niya ang anak at bago pa siya nakasagot ay nagpatuloy ito. “Kapag nakita ko Siya, yayayain ko Siyang maglaro. Naririnig Niya ako at nakikipag-usap Siya sa’kin through prayers and Bible… But we don’t have a chance to play. Do you think He will play with me?”

Ngumiti siya at marahang tumango. “Surely He will love to,” she whispered above her head. ‘Or maybe He already did…’

“Mommy… I’m sleepy. Can we now pray so I could tell Him what I did in class and say sorry because I’m being nosy again.”

“Sure, sweetie, but to tell you, you’re not nosy.”

Henessa gave her a soft smile and began praying. Sophia stared at Henessa as she prayed. Her small slit eyes were half-mast due to sleepiness yet she went on praying, giving thanks for the food they ate, for helping her get high scores in their exam, for making them safe. She also prayed for the whole family, her friends, Grandma Sabel’s health, and for her true mother, Marianne.

“… And God, may you let Mama Marianne visit me this weekend so I could give her the book I bought last time, and so we could pray together. I will tell her to always talk to You. Hmmm… Do I forget anything?” She paused for a while then went on. “Let us play someday. I love you, Jesus. Good night…”

After praying, Sophia let her lie down. Sophia was about to speak when Hector’s voice came up. “Still not sleeping?”

“Daddy!” Henessa cried out after seeing her father. She tore away from Sophia and got up to see Hector who’s grinning at her knowingly.

“Still awake, honey?” Hector asked while sitting beside Henessa.

“I’m asking mommy some questions,” Henessa answered smartly.

“Some?” Hector questioned then glanced at Sophia.

“Yup!”

Nangingiting umiling-iling si Sophia. “Tulog na si Sanya?” tanong niya sa asawa na ang tinutukoy ay ang isang taon na nilang anak na babae.

“Kanina pa.” Lumingon ito sa anak. “At mukhang tama ako ng desisyon na puntahan ka dito. Napakaraming tanong na naman ng ating prinsesa,” may halong birong dugtong pa nito.

“Sabi kasi nina Lola at teacher tsaka ni Tita Hannah sa inyo na lang daw po ako magtanong kaya naipon na ‘yung tanong ko,” humihikab na paliwanag nito.

Nagpipigil na matawang nagpalitan ng tingin ang mag-asawa.

“Well, we still have a lot of time to deal with your inquisitiveness. But for now, it’s time to sleep, sweetie,” Hector dismissed her softly.

“Okay, daddy,” she nodded, yawning again as she settled on the bed.

“Good night, honey.” Hector gave her a kiss on her forehead. “I love you. Sweet dreams.”

“Love you too daddy.”

“Sleep now, Henessa. I love you…” Sophia leaned on and kissed her forehead. She’s about to move away when Henessa abruptly touches her cheeks.

“I love you, too, mommy. And thank you for loving me even though I’m not your true daughter.”

“Oh sweetie…” Her eyes began to water, but before she even said another word Henessa’s eyes began to close and her hand fell down. However, her lips continue to move, softly babbling, “God is truly amazing. He made everything beautiful…” It’s a vague phrase yet it didn’t halt their hearts to be at ease.

Nagkatinginan silang mag-asawa at tahimik na sabay tumango. Pinatay na nila ang ilaw at isinara ang silid ni Henessa. Tahimik silang naglalakad pabalik sa silid nila nang hawakan ni Hector ang kamay niya. Sophia looked up at him with a puzzle expression.

“Thank you for being patient with Henessa,” Hector muttered, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

She shook her head. “She’s our daughter.”

“Her inquisitiveness, though it’s good, sometimes brings everyone on edge.”

“She’s a child, Hector.”

“That sometimes didn’t fit the way she talks and behaves.”

“You’re a good man, Hector, and she’s a good girl. Her behavior may somewhat bring everyone on edge, but that behavior also helped us to let her understand our situation.”

Hector squeezed her hand again. “It’s so easy for Henessa to accept that her true mom left her.”

“Marianne left Henessa years ago, but if she didn’t…” Sophia stared at him… “Kung kaya bumalik si Marianne ng Pilipinas ay hindi lang para iwan sa’yo si Henessa… Siguro… Wala tayo ngayon sa kung nasaan tayo… May be Sanya wasn’t even born or—”

“Oh heck! Stop it, honey,” Hector butted in, gathering her in his arms.

Umiling-iling siya habang nakasubsob ang mukha sa dibdib ng asawa. “Henessa’s questions remind me some memories of the past, but it also reminds me that God never abandoned me. God gave me you… He gave me Henessa, Sanya, and everything. He turned those sad past into a beautiful one…”

“Sophie…” Hector whispered in her ears.

“Henessa loves Marianne and she loves me also… and I think that’s enough.”

Hinapit lalo ni Hector ang asawa palapit, ikinulong sa malalakas niyang braso at hinalikan sa tuktok ng noo. “Jesus is absolutely correct when He told that we should have a mind like a child…” Hector whispered at the top of her head.

Sophia smiled and mumbled, “Yeah, He is.”

*****