If Only

Chapter 4

I played with my fingers looking down at the ground as I waited for him to answer.

"Wow," Nick said as he leaned his head back.

Nick saw the whole thing that happened at the party and there was no way I could lie about it either. We were outside sitting down at the water fountain in front of their house. Nick was nothing more than a mere stranger but yet I just spilled my gut out to him.

"I knew he was an asshole but I didn't know he also was a d**k,"

I giggled.

"Ya well, every once in a while he can also be a jerk,"

He smiled at my comment before we both burst out laughing. Nick was very sweet. I liked that he made me feel comfortable almost like we have known eachother our whole lives. In some ways, he reminded me of Spencer and how much they had in common. Maybe that's why it felt normal with him and it was easy to talk to him.

"How are you holding up in all of this?"

I looked up at the sky and shrugged my shoulder and said: "I don't know. I guess I am okay with it because I honestly didn't care what he did. It's not like it's any of my business,"

"He is your husband which makes it your business,"

"I know but I don't love him in any way which is why I don't care. he is a stranger to me,"

That was the truth. It's not like I can love him because he isn't mine and never will be. Part of him still loves Spencer and I can't change that even if I wanted too.

"Why don't you try to get to know him?"

"Because that's not going to change anything. I have tried to make this marriage work but he doesn't want anything to do with me,"

I remembered couples months into the marriage where I decided to give us a shot since we have decided to stay together but he yelled at me telling me to stay away from him and mind my own business. And that's exactly what I did.

"Why don't you get a divorce then?" He asked

"Because it was an agreement between both of us to stay together for the sake of his reputation and for him to leave Spencer alone," I said.

"Man no offence but I hate your friend,"

"You're not the only one that said that,"

-

After talking for almost 2 hours Nick and I made our way inside. Everyone was gone and the house was empty. I assumed that Adam's parents went to bed.

"Elena," Adam said walking into the living room where I was standing with Nick. "We are staying here tonight since it's too late for us to drive home in the dark," he said. I nodded my head and he looked over at Nick.

"What are you still doing here,"

"I was just with Elena. I am going home now I am beaten," he said smiling over at me. "Bye El," he said.

"Goodnight Nick,"

After saying out goodbye Adam and I made our way upstairs to his old room.

I removed all my makeup and jewelry. But I was struggling to remove the zipper from my dress.

"Adam can you help me with this,"

I looked over at him. He was sitting on the bed scrolling through his phone when he looked up to see me struggling. He groaned loudly before getting up and standing behind me.

He gently places his fingers on the zipper pulling it down my back. I shiver at how cold his fingers felt on my bare back. I closed my eyes as he touched my back with his soft hands completely enjoying the feeling he was giving.

But I quickly snapped out of it and awkwardly thanking him once he sat back down on the bed.

I changed into some comfortable shorts and an oversized shirt and made my way to the bed. I buried my face against the pillow and covered my self with the blanket.

"Has she ever contacted you?" I turned my head to face to only find him looking straight back at me. The tone in his voice sounded sad. For a moment I had to think who he was really talking about. But it only took seconds before I realized he was asking about Spencer.

Even after all these years he still thinks about her. Wondering and not being able to move on.

"No, she hasn't. I tried much time but she never spoke or contacted me after you know.... we got married," I said.

There was a long silence and for a second I thought he fell asleep.

But he placed his arms around my waist pulling me closer than ever. I was surprised at the sudden action. He tends to do this when he was asleep when we slept at home but this time it was different he spoke with his voice shaking and begging "Please let me,"

I didn't say anything. I let him hold me.

I didn't know that she hurt him so much. All these years he never said one word about her never even mentioned her name but the looks he gave me told me I was just the replacement. I thought all that might change in the end. I wanted it to change. I needed him to forgot I want him to heal. And if I needed to be his wife truly then that's what I will do. Even if he didn't want me too.

-

The next morning I was helping Mrs. Wilson with breakfast. She had asked me to set the table and that's exactly what I was doing when the men of the house came down.

"Look who decided to wake up," I said crossing my arms staring at them with a smirk.

Adam yawned as he stretched his arms coming to stand in front of me and said: "it's not my fault I love to sleep,"

I smiled at him. "But not as much as I love you," he said kissing my cheeks.

"Okay children I don't think we need to see this so early in the morning," Adam's dad said looking away pretending to be embarrassed.

"Oh come on they are cute," His wife said kissing his lips tenderly and he looked at her with full of light in his eyes.

"Guys we don't need to see that early in the morning," Adam said wrapping his arms around my waist and covering his face in my neck.

Before we knew it we were all laughing.

"Ok ok let's eat now!" I said turning to look at everyone. who also nodded and agreed.

We all ate enjoying the company of eachother. No sense of awkwardness present and I enjoyed that.

"So Adam, you and Elena have been married for 2 years and we aren't getting any younger. When are we going to see grandchildren,"

I spad my orange juice right out. All eyes turned to look over at me and the awkwardness just like that it returned. Adam grabbed a towel passing it over at me. I smiled in gratefulness and wiped myself.

"Ah, I think Elena and I agreed not to have any children for another 5 years,"

"5 YEARS!" the rest of us said at the same time.

It came to a surprise for the rest to hear him say that. They wanted to have grandchildren but I still wanted kids. I have wanted all my life. But I knew being married to a man I didn't love won't grant me the gift of children.

"Nope that's not happening we aren't waiting that long. You better have kids soon," Mrs. Wilson said and Mr. Wilson agreed.

"Dad, listen I have the company to work on right now and I don't think that having children is in the card for both of us," Adam said. I knew he was right. We weren't exactly ready for kids either.

"I do not care. I will manage the company till you both have children if I have too,"

"Mr. Wilson, Adam and I thought that to have children is hard work since we both work it will almost be impossible for us to take care of them," I said.

"Like we said we don't care. We really want to be able to see grandchildren before we die," Mrs. Wilson said.

Adam and I both sighed looking at eachother. Giving up.

They are never going to stop until we do give them grandchildren.

-

We arrived home late in the afternoon from his parent's house. I was watching tv in the leaving room and Adam was sitting next to me on his laptop.

I swear he never stops working.

"Should we order pizza," I asked him looking down at my stomach who continuously growled in hunger.

"Ya ok," he said. I took his phone which seemed to be closer and ordered pizza from my favourite place downtown.

It arrived in about 30 munites. I devoured it and groaned at how delicious it was.

I looked to see Adam eating a slice as he continued to work. I couldn't help but wonder what it would like to have Adam's children.

He truly was a good looking man and I could never deny the facts. His feature was sharp and his piercing blue eyes were angelic. He even had a slight dimple when he smiled. I could only imagine what his child would look like.

The thought of us having children seemed not to be a good idea but I couldn't help but ask:

"Should we have kids?"

Adam looked at me with his eyes doubled in size. Staring at me in surprise his mouth slightly open.

"Are you out of your mind?"