Crush

Chapter 12

Things seemed to calm down from the trip.

I had continued talking to Ysander over the phone... But a part of me still couldn't cope with the fear of rejection.

Apparently Mandy and Marvin knew I was...well... batty.

But I found it comforting that both of them said they would stand up for me if anyone picked on me, albeit in their own ways.

Mandy had started channelling her inner Japanese ninja, talking about justice and honour and all that whereas Marvin...

I can't help but remember his words.

" Ill uh... Tell them begone and uh.. Run before they give me a wedgie."

That had given me a good laugh and lifted my mood.

I fast realised... Outside of what I was.... Who I was, came more rare and valuable.

If Ysander wasn't the one, it didn't matter.

Maybe I was a passing fling to him and he was the only one I could open upto at first.

But now... Some reason... He felt like... On parr with my friends.

They accepted me too!

Ysander: Hey wanna go to the theatre?"

I glanced down at my phone and frowned.

Me: Not today. Sorry.

A lot of our messages had been like that recently.

Ysander: Boys?

Me: Sorry, promised to help Marv with something.

Ysander: After school?

Me: Can't busy.

It was cold I know.

But truth was I was getting closer to Mandy and Marvin...

He didn't seem to make an effort to come and talk to me anymore... He was busy with his own friends.

What's worse was...

Jason and Michael now had girlfriends.

Chloe and Annie stuck to them like glue but that also meant their other friend Clarisse followed them around too.

The more I saw him with them... I realised. Maybe I was right.

He had moved on.

And honestly... It hurt a little.

But I sucked it up. I had friends, I would have college and Uni to worry about things like love.

So when I got the familiar text:

-Boys? We need to talk.

I panicked like crazy.

- I'll call you later. I can't right now.

Break time was another rainy day as my friends and I discussed a comic for a change, Mandy really immersing herself with the marvel universe.

So when Ysander walked in with Clarisse on his tail I felt the familiar pang but ignored it.

Only this time I noticed I was the first person he glanced at on arrival.

The both of them sat down talking and I noticed how close they actually were.

Even if they weren't dating they looked like good friends.

They look cute together

a voice in the back of my mind nagged.

I swallowed hard not focusing on them but now even Mandy was frowning at me.

" What's wrong hon?"

I exhaled " Nothings wrong. I'm okay."

She frowned " You're telling me your boyfriend is sitting across the room and you're not gonna skedaddle to the boys loos like before?"

I exhaled looking back at Ysander as he chuckled away nodding at whatever Clarisse was saying.

I sighed realising... I was only prolonging the inevitable.

- Hey... I'm sorry I've been so distracted. If you want... Can we talk?

Boys?

-

I felt my heart pound as he walked into the stall moments later shutting the door behind him.

" Alright Taylor. You wanna talk? I'm ready to talk."

I bit my lip. This was it. We were done.

I realised now in the moments ensuing that... Yeah. I still liked him. Yeah he was still the best first love a guy could have. Yes I would be jealous for a while but ultimately... Yes I wanted him to be happy.

Even if that meant being with somebody else.

He frowned at me " You know why I wanna talk. Right? "

I exhaled " Yeah... Um... We've been away for a while huh?"

I couldn't help but focus on the floor.

This was my own principles office.

He chuckled softly " Yeah. Its been... Ages... And I've... Been worried about you but..."

He swallowed hard " I need to... Know something. "

Now I was worried. What could he possibly wanna know.

I exhaled knowing exactly where this was going.

" Look. I saw you with her. You guys are adorable... If that's... Where you wanna be Issy I support you."

His eyes widened at me.

" Tay... What are you talking about?"

I hummed " Um...Your girlfriend?"

He looked mortified when I'd said the words.

Instantly he was taking steps back leaning against the stall hiding his face.

It took a moment before he softened and glared at me.

" You.... Thought I was dating her, Clarisse?"

I nodded softly as he groaned " Taylor! That's low! Why would you... Assume that stuff when you know how I am about you! I know how you get sometimes when your scared but... Baby I'm gay! f**k I didn't even know it before you."

I inhaled hard when I realised this wasn't going where I was expecting.

" Wait... So... You're not seeing her?"

He shook his head with a frown " No!"

My mouth fell open.

" Oh... But... How come... You always tell people you're here with girls?"

He scoffed " Taylor. That's what I wanted to ask you! You're.... Out right?"

I blinked up at him " In some ways... I guess. The people who wanted to know.... They know."

He smiled " It must be real nice... Babe the reason why I said s**t like that is... You've seen Jason and Michael. I... I'm not... Out. "

I shut my mouth instantly.

Oh.

He exhaled hard.

" It was never about... f*****g around with you I mean it... I hate that I have to ask you here of all places... I wanted to ask you after a movie... But... We are... Dating right?"

Oh my God.

I had been the worst asshole ever.

My eyes filled with tears as I tried to bite back anger at myself.

" I'm so sorry! I'm such a f*****g idiot."

He groaned " Don't say s**t like that. You know you're perfect to me."

Fuck I could melt.

I loved him.

I lunged at him in a hug.

" I was praying on some answer to hit me in the head. I've been a right knob. I'm so sorry. I was scared that you... Didn't want to be with me... Publically so."

He held me tightly against him with a chuckle.

" I wanna be with you... So much so I'm wondering... When to come out to my friends and family."

I met his soft gaze. He was definitely worth it.

I whispered over to him " When you're ready. I will wait patiently instead of running this time. I'm ready too. "

He smirked down at me. I took that as an invite to kiss my boyfriend... At long last.