Party of Four

Full Circle - Nica

The first couple of weeks after we brought Poppy home didn’t quite feel real. I was exhausted, but Cole and Riley did everything they could to help me manage my postpartum recovery and the transition to motherhood. Gwen and Odie were also more than happy to help out with Poppy. Gwen often would bring over food, and she and Odie both helped with the mundane tasks of keeping a house in order.

Cole and Riley both settled into fatherhood in different ways, but they did it quite well. I would often find Cole rocking Poppy to sleep. He would hold her for hours, even when he didn’t need to. Riley was already reading to her. Sometimes I’d catch him reciting Shakespeare while making a bottle. I couldn’t be more grateful to have such wonderful partners.

As my dad’s visit started to come to an end, I could feel an ache starting to grow. That same sense of loss that often came from the end of my annual vacation to Orlando with him. Only this time, he was the one leaving instead of me, and we weren’t in Orlando. It was part of our annual tradition that I always treated him to dinner for his birthday. I had missed his birthday this year due to the pregnancy. Better late than never though, right?

I wasn’t ready to take Poppy out in public yet. She was still so tiny. So Cole and Riley stayed home with her while I took my dad out on the last night of his visit. We went to his favorite restaurant, Casa Maria’s, and settled into a corner booth.

“You look wonderful, Nica,” my dad said, looking at me over the tin of his iced tea. “Tired, but happy.”

“I am happy,” I confirmed, stirring the ice in my water with my straw. “It helps that Cole and Riley are basically a multi-functional care unit. I barely have to lift a finger.”

My dad smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I noticed. They’re good men. I’m glad you found them.” He paused as he dipped a chip into the salsa and ate it. “I wasn’t sure before, you know, with the distance and everything. I try to trust your judgement, but…” He made an overly dramatic face, the corners of his mouth pulling back while his eyes widened.

I chuckled softly and nodded, “I’m not really known for making the best decisions.”

He nodded. “Hearing you talk about having two partners... Brothers, are that. It was a lot to wrap my head around.”

My stomach tightened and I sucked in a deep breath, waiting for the hammer to come down. It never did though. “Watching them with you, and with Poppy, knowing how Cole overcame his trauma for you and her, and watching Riley with his little schedule app… They’re a full team. I don’t think either one can function without the other, but what they have with you is solid. Poppy is the luckiest little girl.

A rush of warmth flooded me, a smile started to crawl across my face. “Thank you.”

“You know I’ve always said you can’t have too many people who love you.”

The conversation changed after that. My dad told me all the ways Poppy was just like me. It seemed she was a lot like me. Her eyes were blue when she was born, but they were already starting to darken. It was as if nature was hiding all the Holland traits, at least for now, in an effort to keep it a mystery as to which brother might be her biological father. There wouldn’t be any comments like, ‘Oh, her eyes are blue instead of green, so she must be Riley’s,’ or ‘Her hair is auburn, so she must be Cole’s.’ She looked and acted just like me.

In my heart and in my mind, I knew that even if she shared any traits with them, it wasn’t an indicator of them being the one. But I knew how people liked to gossip and assume.

The next morning, I hugged my dad bye as he got ready to leave. I promised to plan a visit once Poppy had her first set of vaccines. The ache of him leaving was still there, but it was dulled by the presence of the family I had created.

That afternoon, Gwen came over to help around the house. Cole was feeding Poppy a supplemental formula bottle. I had been trying to pump too, but it had been a struggle. It seemed like I was barely making enough milk for her to eat in the moment, let alone for storage.

Gwen and I were working on the perpetual mountain of baby laundry. She set a neatly folded burp cloth on the stack we’d formed on the coffee table, sighing softly. “There’s no big rush,” she started, her focus still on the tiny articles, “but we should consider dress shopping once you feel up to it. We have just over a year before the commitment ceremony, and alterations can take time.”

I nodded slowly. When I’d handed Gwen the reigns, picking my own dress was one of the few conditions I had. I hadn’t thought about it at all though since giving her the binder. “I suppose that’s a good idea.”

“We should get the girls there too. Willow, Emily, and Mallory. We can look at bridesmaids dresses too.”

“That’s a really good idea,” I smiled. “We could make a day of it. Her brunch in the morning and then go shop.”