Flashbacks: Head Versus Heart

Chapter Seven: Don't Forget to Breathe

We finished getting ourselves around and headed out to his apartment, it felt like the longest, quietest drive, I had ever taken. Not much was spoken, except nostalgic conversation of the area. Colt pointed out that the old cornfield by the high school had been turned into a huge truck stop. It was the saddest thing to see. He coyly reminded me of the time he left football practice to rendezvous with me in the field. Even as adults, it was still something we felt so rebellious about doing. During our break, up I had obviously casually dated other men, had a few semi-serious relationships, and only slept with two other men… yet, something about being with him reminded me of being young and carefree. That feeling where all you want to do is stay in bed together.

Our favorite place to eat when we were young was a little diner right down the road from the High School. I could not stop looking at everything when we walked in, nothing had changed, after the truck stop being put in, it was nice to see this place hadn’t lost its shine. Colt and I both ordered burgers, I really needed the staying power of beef, if I was planning on drinking later tonight. We laughed and carried on like old times. I could feel myself becoming more at ease with being around him again. It felt right, like this is where I needed to be.

We finally made it to his apartment, it was right down the road from the college he attends. It was a beautiful townhouse, with two bedrooms upstairs, two in the downstairs level, and the main floor had the dining room, kitchen and living room. They even had a cute little laundry room. It didn’t smell at all like a locker room, but I wasn’t disappointed. When we went downstairs to Colt’s room, I noticed a picture of him and I, a normal photo, taken at a football

game – my sophomore year, his senior year. To anyone else it was nothing special, two young kids having a good time. It reminded me of one of the happiest days of my life. He placed right out in the open on his desk. How did he explain that one to girls that came over? Hell, the girls he hung out with probably didn’t even care. Tacky and classless women had a way of gravitating toward him and his friends.

It was so weird to see him living as an adult. I tried to keep the image of him in his youth in my head, the images of us together. Two years doesn’t seem like a long time, but even his face has changed. His jaw line is more defined. He really looks like a man, not some high school boy. I found myself distracted by him, simply watching him grab a few things, and tidy up his room. As if, I cared how his room looked. You could tell it was completely occupied by a bachelor. Football legend posters littered one wall, a bulletin board, calendar, his old football jerseys, and photo collages on another. His desk had a laptop, a half empty bottle of whiskey, textbooks, and notebooks. He kept looking over at me and smiling a soft little smirk while he tidied up.

I noticed he had his college football jersey framed on the wall – right next to his old jersey from high school. Knowing the kind of guy that he was, it wasn’t to brag, but more of a reminder of his accomplishments. He had gotten into college on a football scholarship, everyone was so proud of him. We knew he played well, and he had finally been recognized for his athletics.

However, during his first year playing, he sustained an injury that cut his football career short. I wasn’t around for it, I never spoke with him about it, but Vera told me all the details when he got injured. The college let him keep his scholarship, since he was injured while

playing for them. Vera said he never really talked about it. I guess I wouldn’t talk much about the event that crushed my childhood dreams either.

While I was busy daydreaming, and looking around, Colt walked over and shut his bedroom door. I could feel my stomach fill with butterflies. He walked over to me and pinned me against his wall. He held my hands above my head and kissed me so aggressively – I could feel my knees turn to noodles.

“Anyway… I need to shave… you can watch Netflix or something on my Xbox if you’d like.” He said as he pulled away with a devilish grin.

“Yeah, sounds great.” I dramatically said, feeling the need to roll my eyes at him, while turning every electronic on. “Colt, what’s your ‘parental pin code’?”

“Trying to watch adult movies, Pericetta?” he thought he was so clever.

“No, something with my future husband, Mark Wahlberg – obviously.”

“Alright, hand me the controller. ” He said as he put in the parental pin.

“So, am I not allowed to know the parental pin?” I passive-aggressively joked.

“No, not ever in your life. ” He jokingly said… “It’s embarrassing, so no. ”

“Okay, Colt… go shave. ” I may have been more dramatic than I needed to be, eyeroll included.

“0-5-2-4, same pin for everything important.” he tossed the controller on the bed and walked off like a little kid who had to give up his dessert.

I left it alone. I didn’t want to fuel an argument. May 24th was our anniversary. Well, the anniversary when we were in high school. It was the weekend before Memorial Day – which ironically, is this very weekend. I guess it proves he isn’t only using me for a good time – I

hoped. . .

It was very reassuring to know he thought about me enough to keep me on his mind as often as he played video games. Colt finished shaving and came out of his bathroom. He didn’t say anything to me, he immediately sat on his bed, and started fidgeting with his phone. I wanted to ask what was wrong, instead, I stayed silent.

“Don’t read into it, Peri. ” He finally spoke up.

“It’s fine, I’m sorry I pushed the issue with you.” I wanted to take some responsibility. Though, I didn’t fully understand why he was so upset, or why he had told me not to read into it, fully knowing that I had already read into it.

“Sit with me?” He asked with an obviously exaggerated frowny face.

Of course, I had to.