When the queen loves

Let down

Too painful to laugh when you have to cry !!! ..And the most painful, and even slaughtering, from a vein to a vein is to receive a slap without the slightest reason or any sin from you, except that you believed .. you believed .. I believed ... I was raised and grew up ... until you breathed what you think inside you and his blood flowed in your veins and in every piece and everything Leave him from your body ... Then you found everyone around you applauding, cheering and arrogant ... and glorifying your deeds, belief and faith ... I nurse you all with your mother's breast! You did not invent this belief or create this certainty. It was taken drop by drop from the moment of birth! And at the first attempts to pronounce and speak.

And before you uttered the name of your mother or father, you uttered everything that confirms to you and implants this certainty within you !!! ... that it is the most important thing in existence and the most noble and lofty thing that you can think of and believe in ... but you will or refuse to be convinced to believe and believe in that. Or ... Otherwise, what ???? A thousand question marks ????????? And thousands of exclamation aaaaaat !!!!!! Will the inevitable fate really be eternal hell and eternal torment for anyone who denies or contradicts this certainty and this faith? How do ? And when? Why? .. You do not have to ask .. You do not have to object ... You do not have to think for a moment A reflection or an iota of doubt or exclamation ... and itch ... that this is a culmination in idiocy and drowning in foolishness and ingratitude !!!! .....

The sanctity and purity of your faith, your certainty and your belief .. God is greater, noble and greater than you can think about, even for a second… The brightness of the sun of its truth is manifest around you everywhere and at all times! Didn't you see that ?! Did you suddenly become blind? !! ... Or do you not feel or feel? Or is it that you must have lost all of your senses !! ... Or you lost your balance, and the balance of mind, wisdom and feelings were disturbed in you all ... !!!!!!!!! Then the curses follow you You did not believe after all this .. !!! Then you are a believer !!! Or it must be! ... the matter is not subject to discussion and is not possible to debate ... that it is a given ... and only everyone who is disturbed or confused is discussed with it ....

The ultimate in patience is to be silent with a wound in your heart that speaks, and to smile with a thousand tears in your eyes !!!!! And there comes a time when your chest becomes full. If you take it out, it hurts you, and if you keep your ears ,,, believe me, I tried, then tried ... I believed, then I believed, I believed, I believed ... I believed in my faith and did all What is it for him .... But suddenly it came time to ask ...? As if my mind prepared a court for me ... Then it began to hold me accountable at times and admonish me at other times .. run away from him in pursuit of me .. chase me away ... keep him away from me and get closer to me ... as if he is insisting on me as he insists on his questions and torments that he throws on my tired shoulders All the way .. a road in which I put faith and honesty ... But I was very tired and comfortable !!!!

Even in the thick of his euphoria !!! It is a noble fatigue, the euphoria of pain that will lead me to permanent bliss, to swim in spaces of eternal happiness and happiness, and to fly my wings with full freedom in the sky of eternity ... who knows neither mortality nor nothingness ... Then suddenly a network appears before me, O mind, to insist on me .. with your words and your questions ?? ? Get away from me. .Please move away ... your money and money, leave me alone and go away from me. .you must be an accursed demon. You pushed me to commit a major crime! You took advantage of your surrender to seduce me and committed the crime of thinking in my name !!!! And it rained down on me From the questions that fell on my head without mercy and relentlessly until you drowned me in the hell of your thoughts and chased me with the curses of your suspicious doubts ..

Mind you, you are a stubborn criminal ... a stubborn criminal !!! You put me easily and easily in the accusation cage .. I blame myself, blame me, blame me, and accuse my beloved (Hala) and Yawahi and Yawili. If others knew or felt around me of his crime that he committed in my name .. none of them will have mercy on me .. And each of them sharpens the whip of his tongue, whipping me with the most outrageous qualities and the most severe curses ... And the

The agent of all of them made accusations worse ... Why did you do all this to me ??? Why ???? I wish you left me to enjoy the calmness of my innocence and the bliss of my naivety! I wish you had mercy on me, and you did not inform me or tell me ... that the bliss of ignorance is a real paradise ... and the mercy of me ... why did you remove me from the bliss of loyalty and innocence to my faith and belief? ...

It was my only passport for an enjoyable journey to the other world ,, that it was the eternal guarantee of my immortality in bliss ... You deprived me, you mean thug, the only instrument of forgiveness .. Are you really a cursed devil ...? Or are you as you say a merciful angel? Answer Answer, Mysterious Ghost ... no Do I know why I submit to you ?! Rest on you ... I do not know when or how you made me one of your subjects and nurtured me to the authority of your kingdom, which is governed by the law of logic and matter ... they are the most noble students in the school of science that challenges my faith !!! ...

But until now, I am trying to struggle with you with what remains of me from the weak and dilapidated strength before the edifice of your towering flag and the building of your strong, impregnable and fortified logic against the arrows of the armies of faith that shoot from my chest towards you, so you return them disappointed again from where you came to come back and c***k my chest madly in your questions and the skirts of your wondrous logic .. But despite my weakness, I tried to resist and resist ... with my weak breathless breath of faith that is trying Strive him to compete with the time of your logic and your young quick knowledge .. This is what my sweetheart and my fiancée (Hala) asked of me ... and I begged me to insist on him, as he is my only refuge in resisting your deadly army ... (Hala) surrounded me with a sacred aura of her spiritual lights ...

Hala was not just his lover or fiancée ... she was the other half of me ... Now, thanks to you, my half is fighting with my half !!!! Oh horror, what I committed against me ... I liked her but I feared her ... But now, with all her triviality and confidence in her belief, she plays the role of defense ... and every time he tells her she tries to take in your face the sword of her faith in a speech

Asmaa, perhaps she will get me out of the accusation cage .. and perhaps she will block what may await me from curses, stabs and punches with all kinds of sentences and words !! May it save me from the claws of the claws of your hungry predator that ravaged my soul and dug up under the rubble of the rubble of my present, past and future architecture !!!! All of them collapsed in front of the earthquake of your ideas, your knowledge and your logic ... But what next? I myself do not know who myself !!! This is what Hala answered when we were together. (Hala) surrounded me with an aura of the light of her faith, which she believes and insists upon, and tried hard to return me to him and to illuminate my path with flashes of his years, where she insisted that I kept the path and got me angry mixed with her anger With deep sorrow, he announces a storm of faith coming to me, eradicating all traces of your thoughts, O mind, or as you call them

Delusions ... when she asked me and the flames of anger were burning from her mouth and she said to me: You know what your inevitable destiny is if you persist in your stubbornness And change you? Do you realize that you are on the verge of a pit of an abyss? Rather, you may have actually fallen into it .. Are you sure that you are fully conscious and aware? Do you realize that you are committing suicide? .. and her tears fell with the last letter .. She is begging me and begging me to go back to my senses and repent to him. My Rushdie ... What a poor fiancée ... She fears punishment from me and from Hell .. She remains subject to her thoughts and faith that give them All sincerity and loyalty .. She did not ask herself for a single moment whether it was what it was and what she thought was truth or fiction?

She did not pause for a moment to look around or hesitate in one of her steps, rather she walked the path of faith without question and without hesitation She rested herself and her mind ... and approached her as I wiped her tears with trembling fingers and a tear dripping from my eyes .. And I say to her: Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ..! At that time, two steps were taken away from me while it was shivering like a wounded bird with anxious looks, and he said, because the situation in which we spoke calls for sadness, caution and caution .. It requires you to seek your heart ... to control your conscience instead of your unjust reason and logic, which I do not see does not provide you with the resources of perdition ... With a confident smile tinged with some sadness, which I demanded from among a dense cloud of confusion, my words lingered in between, and I wondered: What do we have in it now that calls for thinking first, or sadness? ... evokes conscience or logic ... ???

I am as close as I was, as far as I am away today! I am as far as my proximity that I got away! The distance between me and this faith that you claim ... then she answered me with confidence, confident and with its wildness, saying: Faith is a pure emotional state of feeling pure and if there was logical evidence for this state, faith would not have meaning or existence ... Then you emerged to me, O mind and publicized The sword of your logic and knowledge is in my face, as if you would allow me to answer such words ..

And as if you are tearing what (Hala) said in a few moments ... I know perfectly well that your logic and your knowledge is sober and impregnable that rejects all these myths ... and he sees them only as phantoms swimming in a space of nonsense and confusion ,, whose fiancé sank in her seas and surrendered to her contented with him

She is peace of mind and satisfied in any case ... What can I say to her, do I envy her for her peace of mind and her surrender that relaxed her heart and mind together ... Sometimes ignorance of something is a blessing ... Or do you see pity for her condition ... and her naivety conscience ... and then I asked myself ,, Do you think either of us deserves pity and lamentation? Can I be myself without realizing it ?! O how horrible I am in terms of torments ... and if it were for the judge. .doubt gripped me and confusion ravaged me, prey on me with her sharp fangs ... I am torn between despair and hope ... while I watch you, O mind, you laugh at me full of mouth and mock my confusion The things in front of you are quite clear, and they have become so, and your logic is clear, shining, the ray of knowledge and the light of knowledge that cannot be discussed. .All of this while I stand before it with a bold mouth and tongue-tie, and I see your mockery of me and of my confusion and without a doubt, the matter is settled for you ... And I plead with you to relieve my suffering and the burden of your mockery ... Please make it

Mercy has a place for you. Have mercy on days when I thought that I was certain of righteousness and the path of truth .. Have mercy on dreams I used to run behind a mirage thinking that I would reach for the stars with my hand and ride the carpet of the wind for eternal bliss.

Have mercy with a heart filled with mercy and they are a torment that has always made him drink from the cups of wishes and promises of forgiveness and happiness ... And with all my pleas I still see your laughter and his mockery of all the absent’s past .. masked by the mask of spirituality and the light and certainty of beliefs ... of what size did you come to me? You must be a messenger from Hell ... the hell of mind and thinking that tighten their grip on me and all my being ... But let me ask you a question? Why are you alone, always, possessing the truth, complete, transparent, devoid of any embellishment or deceptive frills, naked truth .... Aaaaha completely ???? Why are you always and always alone, the master of the situation and the controlling injunction that leaves the dividing line in all matters ??? Only you ... why why why ??? ...

I think that you have every right to mock me ... and how not, when I spent a long period of my life falsifying facts and got used throughout my life to make up, touch up and apply powders for every question or question or even a thought that was going through my mind and was the closest and simplest answer (No Ask about things .............) and so on ... that it is a comfortable answer ... but it was killing you slowly mind It paralyzed your movement before it started and your thinking died before it was born !!!! But you did not stand helpless for a long time in front of this defect, those lined stories that always provoke your annoyance, frustration and even disgust ... but you defeated them and fought them with your logic and protection ... and although you won in the end, I still see you standing mocking me and contemplating lightly about the confusion I am. ... panic ... anxious ... doubt ... I stand in the middle of the road confused between you and her ... she is my lover and my sweetheart (Hala) she does not want you to curse you ,, hate you ... and what am I What should I be? Or what can I do ??? I sat with her in our usual friendly sessions. On this day, I decided to bring her closer to me from my thinking, to remind her of our love and our strong and strong bond, and to learn that he is stronger than all her beliefs and faith, which has become so naive to me and has no justification or any logical explanation! ..

But soon after we exchanged words bearing more reproach than it had endured of longing and emotion, and quickly tried to attract me to her arena and began to wrestle with me, but rather she was wrestling with my ideas and wrestling you, mind, and the whistle blew, announcing the wrestling began and blows Her thoughts are on my soul, and upon you, O mind ... can you see that you can resist them? Do you think which of you will win and win the round in his favor? I wished my lover would win the tour! Believe me, mind, I wished for her to defeat you! ... to develop it to defeat you, O logic! How happy I would have been so happy if she had been victorious! I see you now amazed at me, in amazement, not without irony, saying why the defeat ?! : Does anyone wish for himself defeat in front of his opponent !! But what if the opponent is the same referee !? What if your opponent was a part of you! You, of course, have never been and will never be in such a position like me, your logic cannot and does not accept the mere existence of this meaning at all I see that I am in front of you in a situation that I do not envy ... When (Hala) began to take painful blows of words, or she thought it so ... and she asks me ... Who created you? Did you create yourself? Do you know what is your destiny after death? How will you face this dark fate when you discover the enormity and ugliness of your crime and the despicability of what you committed against the great God, the Creator, your glory, and the existence of everything? You will regret it where remorse will not benefit. My heart fell and cut off the veins and arteries of my love until she bled completely and you make me ask her, saying: You answer me first. Is this God the Creator?

Is he this way he loves and cares only about threats, threats, punishment, and torture ..? First of all, tell me why your Creator and the Creator of the universe, as you claim, cares nothing but humility and submission to Him only ...

He does not care about anything except to see slaves pray to him vessels of the night and the edges of the day! ? Why is he relieved when he finds those who waste their time, neglecting their interests, and even give them away from their pride, in order to prostrate and return and be revered with all humiliation and submission to his alleged prestige !! Why does he bring them nearer to Him and are they closest only when they prostrate !? Or rather, when they are in the weakest and most humiliating conditions? !! Is this the Justly? Is this mercy? Is this greatness? !! Or is it narcissistic, or maybe a disease or a self-illness that needs treatment? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it possible for there to be a machine with these specifications? Or is it nonsense and shambles of a human being who wanted with it what he wanted to submit to whomever he wanted! ? Do you not see with me that the gap is wide between what you see in your alleged Creator and the qualities of mercy, nobility, justice, tenderness and greatness !!!! Her end bounced towards me with burning, indignant and panicked looks while she was telling me: How dare you, your Creator and God of the universe, with all this nonsense that sinks into its darkness to your ears? !!! So who will heal you if you get sick? Who can command you if you are afflicted? And who gives if you ask? Who owns the reins The matter of every cell in your body and every beat in your heart? And who is he who, if he wants to, silence you in a moment? And by order of those who have taken every step you walk? And by the order of who subjugates the entire universe? Is it not for his creator? Isn't it out of nowhere? You spend a lot of time on him, worshiping him and thanking him for his countless blessings !!!! And who, who, and who ???? She flooded with words from her words that she thought shocked you, logic? But you confidently put a leg over a leg and with a conceited and confident smile you ordered me without discussion, so I asked her saying: Can you answer me before completing your questions and your attack on Why does this God place himself above perception and logic ..? Why does he disappear and hide away from sight and hearing, or even something from a shadow or mere imagination or a thread that guides me to his presence or his proximity to me? !!