For you, I hope the grass is greener

Chapter 3 Making Up A Reason To Be Mad

Daniel's POV

My foot is now out the door looking for anyway to escape, wishing to be away, and she doesn't deserve that. I just hope that when I finally do this, it doesn't mess things up for me and my kids. They are wonderful human beings, and I don't know what I would do if they ever hated me.. So, hopefully, that won't be the case once I get the guts to do this. Because I'm pretty sure that is what I need to be happy.

I create a fake forced smile as I stare out at the smiling faces that just praise my wife's and my newest accomplished goal. Another year is done, and passed... and I bet they are all thinking there will be so many more after this.. I think I'm the only one who knows there won't be. I can't keep this charade going like I'm happy when I know I'm not, and I think my kids are starting to figure it out as well by all their concerned glances being sent my way. Then whispers back and forth as they continue to send me suspicious looks.

"Hey.. Are you ok?" Daphne's songbird voice just hums into my ear, sending a chill through my body. I swallow the lump in my throat as I keep that fake smile glued onto my lips and lie between my teeth. "Yes, of course.. this is perfect." I stated, not knowing what else to say. She just smiles and nods as her hand caresses my thigh that is under the table before lightly caressing against my groin. I glanced over at her to see her wink and bite her bottom lip, wanting to turn me on, but I couldn't think of anything else but leaving. She squeezes my thigh before standing back up to make an announcement while, like always, getting everyone attention in the room. Whether she intends to or not.

"Thank you so much to everyone for planning this nice meal together for us.. it's always great to have your wonderful company and to see your smiling faces! We don't get to do this enough, and I really wish we could do this more." she states with so much love and enthusiasm that everyone's smile somehow gets bigger when I didn't think that was possible.

Daphne grabs my hand as she pulls me to stand next to her. I don't fight it as I quickly stand before she adds. "We appreciate you taking the time to come here and see us on our 17-year anniversary! It wouldn't be as amazing without all of you here." She states with so much excitement. She sits back down and pulls me with her, and of course, I follow, not knowing what else to do. She continues to clap and then puts her hand right back to my thigh.

Everyone claps as we all take a bite of the celebration cake, which wasn't half bad.. it is my favorite kind of cake.. Red velvet.. but it just doesn't taste the same when you don't want it at that moment. I can't stop stressing and feeling like the worst person ever. That won't stop until I stop playing this charade, and I know it.

After finishing the cake and topping it off with a couple more beers. We finish this night with a bang, and my favorite part, which is saying goodbye.. It took way longer than expected to do so with everyone because the moment was filled with hugs and the same goodbye that is said to each and every person. But we ended up leaving the building like a fire was lit under our asses before piling into the vehicle and driving back to our home.

The relief in my heart as I see the white picket fence and big front doors along with the light barking from our dogs on the inside of our townhouse, that is pressed up tight next to many others on our street, is making me feel like I can finally let down my guard for a moment. I stumble only slightly, getting out of the car but realizing with the concerned turn from my family that I could use this facade to my advantage.

So I fake stumble a little more along with swaying as I make my way into the house with the help of my family, showing that if I make a mistake that it's probably because of the alcohol. I pretended to be too drunk to stay up and wander my way up the stairs to 'pass out', so I won't have to disappoint my wife tonight by not being able to get hard for her anymore. She is stunning, but I can't fight the fact that I'm not attracted to her like that anymore.

I flop down into the bed with the help of my concerned wife.. she helps me undress, but I tell her I don't have the energy or the resistance to change and not throw up. She nods at my explanation and helps tuck me in before checking back up on the kids. I lay here for a little bit, hating myself more until I heard my wife making her way back into the room and shutting the door behind her.

I listen for her as I stare out at the wall with my back faced towards her, just listening to her get out of that amazingly tight, silky dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, looking like I dream.. That's why it's even harder on me knowing that my happiness in this life determines if I can perform in the bedroom or not.. and for her, no matter how stunning she is, I'm not happy, and my body knows it and won't even let me fake it anymore.

The bed bending in, followed by the light touch of her hand to my arm, getting my attention, but I don't move a muscle. "Danny?" she says in a seductive tone before kissing my ear and kissing over my neck. So I let out a snorting grunt, trying to show her that I am asleep, so she can't try to get what she wants. She lets go of me as she sits back with a huff, sounding disappointed realizing I'm 'asleep', but this doesn't stop her from rubbing my back or whispering in my ear how much she loves me before kissing my head. Like the perfect wife she is.

I, of course, don't respond, just waiting for her to go to sleep. She takes out her book and reads for a little bit as I sit in silence, only hearing the sounds of the pages turning one after the other until she sets it on top of her nightstand. She snuggles in, getting comfortable as all the sounds stop once again. I wait for a little while, and once she has completely stopped moving or making any sounds. I turned over to see she is asleep. I lay on my back staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what to do next. After the invading, life-altering thoughts keep plaguing my mind. I somehow fall asleep, letting the emotional exhaustion take over.

-------The Next Morning-------

My alarm blares in this silent room as I automatically groan out, looking around the bright room because apparently the windows are already opened up, brightening up the entire area in our room. I squint my eyes shut, hating how she does this every morning.. she can't give me a chance to wake up first before she lets all the bright sunlight in.

I'm already annoyed with the day because my gorgeous. delightful wife has hopped out of bed with a skipping in each step as she sings her beautiful melody, filling the house with joy before 7 am. I roll my eyes, not even knowing why that's annoying me so badly, but it is, maybe it's hard to get out of this funk since I am now feeling all the ale I drank and lack of food I was supposed to consume from last night. But it's always hard to get out of a funky mood once it has started.

"Good morning, handsome." She purrs in my ear as she kisses my ear lobe before sucking on it as I quickly pull away. "Could you make sure to quiet down next time. The kids are still sleeping." I spat at her as she stares over at me for a moment. "Oh, I didn't know Mr. Grumpy Mc Grumperson was in town today, obviously wearing his grumper pantaloons." She states with humor in every single word, but I automatically glare at her as she throws her hands up in surrender while stripping her pajamas off.

She prances around this room naked and in all of her beautiful glory. I find myself staring at her with every turn she makes, and every way, she bends, grabbing the materials she needs.. I find myself wishing I could get hard for her and appreciate her like she deserves, but I just can't get myself to. I watched her quickly getting changed into her outfit for the day.

I can't help but notice how well her bright button-up shirt fits, making her look like the hard worker I know she is and showing off her best features. The blue in her shirt matches her eyes almost perfectly. She looks beautiful, but she wears the same things that look great on her all the time.. Yes, these items are amazing on her, but it's the same thing every week. I wish she would try something new.

She hadn't dyed her hair in years or gotten any new tattoos or piercings in a while. Either she is stuck in a rift that is keeping her at a stand still point when she used to change that stuff all the time, or she just doesn't care enough to change it for me, or herself to add a little spice in. I just want something new. Is that too much to ask? But I guess in a way it is because it's not like I am changing anything for her either.

I just want anything to help me find her attractive in a s****l way again.. It's hard because nothing has worked so far. She has tried bringing in new toys and outfits in the bedroom for us and I appreciate the effort but like I said I'm not attracted to her like that anymore so it doesn't matter what outfit she puts on or what toy she wants to use I just don't want this with her anymore. She had even had the talk with me about getting me the pills to stay hard.. because she thinks it's me, and I don't want to tell her otherwise.. that would hurt her.

I huff out with that thought, turning away from her and going straight to the bathroom, starting my normal routine for the day. I apply the oils and creams to my head to try to get this hair to grow out more, especially in certain areas. I get frustrated hating how I am looking. I glance over to my wife looking perfect once again as she leans all the way across the sink counter, getting herself as close as she needs to the mirror just to get makeup on.

"Did you need help with that, Danny?" she asks me in her sweet, helpful tone showing me I'm always doing something wrong because she can never do wrong. "No, I'm fine." I spat at her as I see her sending a side glance my way but continues to put her makeup on. She is beautiful and always has been, but with the kids and her job keeping her busy 24/7, she doesn't seem to ever put herself first. Which I guess can be a good thing, but I think she is losing herself in this motion we call life. She hasn't let herself go persay, but she is not caring as much about wearing makeup or doing her hair, along with remotely trying to dress nice. Only for special occasions or I guess you could say her work.. but when she wears that same stuff every day of the week it doesn't seem like dressing up anymore.

It's starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth... I shouldn't say 'starting' as if it started this morning.. it has been going on for years now that I have been pulling away and hating this routine that we call life... Everything she seems to do just annoys me without hesitation, and I'm starting to really lash out without even meaning to. Maybe I'm just looking for any reason to leave.