DUCANI LEGACY SERIES 11: Kali

Kabanata 20

"N-NAGSESELOS KA?"

Pakiramdam ni Kali ay mayroong nagbuhos ng malamig na tubig sa kanya nang marinig niya ang tanong ni Eldritch. He suddenly realized what he just told Eldritch. Bigla siyang tinamaan ng hiya at halos mawala ang kalasingan.

Fuck, he doesn't want to ruin their friendship. Bakit niya ba kasi nasabi iyon? Is it just the alcohol talking or . . . it was his own heart's way of letting him know that he's already getting confused about his identity?

Lumunok siya nang tinalo ng matinding hiya at pangamba na masira ang pagkakaibigan nila. "Let's . . . surf," he managed to say.

Nilampasan niya ito at nauna nang kinuha ang kanyang surf board. Ang isip ay masyadong magulo dahil sa napakaraming tanong na gumugulo sa utak niya.

Is he in love with Eldritch? Kung oo, paano nagsimula? Kailan?

Dumapa siya sa kanyang surf board kahit na wala siya sa focus. He could feel Eldritch staying close. Tila ba pinakikiramdaman siya nito o binabantayan dahil pansin nitong magulo ang isip niya.

They sat on their surf boards after getting to a deeper part of the water, waiting for a taller wave to ride. Tila nagpapakiramdaman silang dalawa. Kung susulyap ang isa ay iiwas ang isa. Paulit-ulit na ganoon hanggang sa tuluyan silang nagsabay na tumingin sa isa't isa.

Eldritch sighed. "You can . . . still take it back, Kali. I know you're just drunk. Hindi ko gustong magkailangan tayo dahil lang . . ." Yumuko ito. "Dahil lang naisip mong nagseselos ka kay Barren kasi lasing ka lang."

Kali stared at Eldritch while his chest tightens because of Eldritch's words. Ramdam niyang hindi ito naniniwala sa kanya dahil lang lasing siya. It was as if Eldritch would never believe that a man like Kali would ever give up being straight for him.

Napalunok siya bago niya tinanong ang kanyang sarili. Alak nga lang ba ang dahilan kung bakit niya iyon nasabi?

He tried to look back since the first time they met. There was like an instant connection between us. Their friendship happened naturally. Kali is a very sociable person with a large circle of friends. Pero bakit si Eldritch lang ang kaibigan niyang gusto niyang araw-araw na nakakausap at nakakasama?

Why? What's so special about Eldritch that his day doesn't feel complete when they don't get to share a nice meal at the break room or if he didn't see Eldritch on his desk overanalyzing his project?

Why does it hurt him when Eldritch feels so low about himself? If Eldritch doesn't see his worth? Why does he want to steal Eldritch's pain and traumas so he wouldn't suffer anymore from all of it?

Where does the thin line between love and friendship stay? Nasaan na nga ba siya? Kasi kung pagkakaibigan lang ang sanhi ng lahat ng nararamdaman niya, bakit hindi niya iyon madama para sa iba niyang kaibigan? Sa mga mas matagal niyang kilala o mas maraming alaalang binuo kasama niya?

He filled his lungs with air before he finally broke the silence enveloping them. "Eldritch?" tawag niya.

Nag-angat ito ng ulo. "Hmm?"

"Have you . . . ever been in love?" deretsahan niyang tanong kahit na nakararamdam siya ng kaba sa kanyang dibdib.

Eldritch was about to answer him when they spotted a large wave approaching them. Nanlaki ang mga mata nila't nagmamadaling dumapa sa kanilang surf boards. They paddled away from the wave before it could crush them. They tried to get up and surf but Eldritch wasn't able to stand up on time. He had lost his balance and fell off. Kali's eyes widened, and in that moment when Kali felt more worried for Eldritch than his own life, he realized something.

He's already gone way past the friendship lane . . .

"Eldritch!" he shouted on top of his lungs before he jumped off his board to rescue Eldritch.

Hinatak niya ito mula sa ilalim ng tubig saka siya lumangoy patungo sa pampang. Wala itong malay. Siguro ay dahil nagpaikot-ikot sa ilalim dahil sa current na dala ng alon.

"E! Damn it, wake up!" he shouted but Eldritch remained unconscious.

Balot ng takot ang dibdib ni Kali habang hinahatak ito palayo sa tubig. Nang mahila ito sa buhanginan ay tinapik-tapik niya ang pisngi nito habang puno ng pag-aalala ang kanyang puso.

"Eldritch!" he called while patting Eldritch's cheek.

Nang wala pa ring makuhang response ay inilapat na niya ang gilid ng kanyang ulo sa dibdib nito. Tumitibok pa ang puso nito kaya wala siyang choice kun'di ang mag-perform ng CPR. He pumped Eldritch's chest in a correct rhythm before he blew out air into his mouth.

Sa puntong iyon ay hindi niya na mabigyan ng atensyon ang lambot ng mga labi nito. All he feels is the fear of losing Eldritch to death, knowing that he wasn't able to let his heart speak its truth.

"Tang ina, Eldritch!" he cursed out of fear when Eldritch remained unconscious. Kanina niya pa ito pinipilit isalba kaya kada segundong nananatiling nakasara ang mga mata nito ay lalo siyang binabalot ng takot.

It was probably fear that made him begin to tear up. A part of him is already losing hope but his heart doesn't want to let him stop. Ayaw niya. Baka hindi niya mapatawad ang kanyang sarili kung sakaling hindi niya ito maisasalba. If this is God's way of letting himself be honest about his true feelings then fine! He is already falling for Eldritch since God knows when! And he is so damn scared right now to lose him this way!

"Don't do this to me, Eldritch! Damn it, wake the f**k up!"

It took one hard slam on Eldritch's chest for him to finally wake up. Isinuka nito ang tubig alat na nainom. Para namang nanghina si Kali. Hinahabol niya ang kanyang hininga nang mapaupo siya sa buhanginan. Ang mga luha ay sunod-sunod ang pagpatak dahil sa takot na lumukob nang husto sa kanyang puso.

Eldritch was gasping for air when he looked at Kali. Umiwas si Kali ng tingin para itago ang kanyang mga luha ngunit pilit na naupo si Eldritch. Hinawakan siya nito sa pisngi at pinaharap dito. Nang magtama ang kanilang mga tingin ay halos manginig ang ibaba niyang labi.

"f**k you," he cursed.

Eldritch laughed softly. Maya-maya ay niyakap siya nito saka ito humugot ng malalim na hininga.

"I'm so sorry," Eldritch said in a breathy way.

As if that hug was enough for them to understand the truth that they share, Kali slowly pulled away from their embrace and looked Eldritch in the eye. Parehong namungay ang kanilang mga mata. None of them spoke as if their heartbeats were enough for them to communicate . . . at it were. Dahil nang unti-unting inilapit ni Kali ang kanyang mukha kay Eldritch para halikan ito sa mga labi ay isinara lamang nito ang mga mata nito.

Kali's eyes shut as his lips pressed against Eldritch's lips . . . and Eldritch answered. No. He deepened the kiss as if it was his way of confessing his feelings to Kali.

Sumabay sa lalim ng halik si Kali. His heart pounded like a festival drum celebrating the beautiful emotions he had never felt before Eldritch happened in his life. Hindi niya kayang ipaliwanag gamit ang mga salita ang nararamdaman niya. All he knows is . . . the kiss they were sharing made all the kisses he'd experienced before feel lame.

Unti-unti niyang sinalat ang kamay ni Eldritch saka niya pinagsalikop ang kanilang mga palad. Their lips parted and their eyes opened. They didn't say a word for a few seconds. Tila ba sapat ang tinginan nila para maintindihan nila kung ano ang nais sabihin ng isa't isa.

"Kali . . ." basag ni Eldritch sa katahimikan.

Kali inhaled a sharp breath before he pressed their foreheads together. And with nothing else preventing him anymore from being truly honest about what he feels, Kali asked the question he never thought he would ever ask someone from the same s*x.

"Engr. Leondez . . ." He caressed the back of E's hand as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Pwede ba kitang ligawan?"

Eldritch laughed. "We already kissed. Who said you still need to court me?"

A meaningful smirk made its way to his lips. "Sabagay." He stared at E's lips. "Those are officially mine from now on so tell Barren to f**k off . . ."