Begging for rejection

Chapter 18 - Rejection

Derek POV

We get out of the pack house and head to the tree line, her scent is overwhelming me, it’s the first time in days to be that close to her.

I keep stealing glances at her and I can see her blushing every time I do so, we reach the tree line and she stops me,

“Are you going to shift?” she asks.

“I wasn’t planning to but if you want to meet Rex, I can do that” I offer her.

“No, definitely not, the last time I met him, he tried to kill me, remember” she says chuckling like it’s a fun memory; she has a very dark and kinda twisted sense of humor.

Rex whimpers and I can feel his shame and hurt, shame of what he did and hurt that his mate doesn’t even want to see him.

We reach the clearance by the crimson red river that runs through our pack land, hence the name of our pack “the crimson river pack”.

Ria stop and look around admiring the beauty of it, we are standing so close, we are almost touching, should I hold her hands? Or will it be too forward? Maybe just brush against it and see how she’ll react?... yes I’ll act as if I was going to trip and my hand will accidently brush hers, it sounds like a good plan.

My meticulous planning was interrupted by Rex’s whining.

“Let me talk to mate”

“Not today Rex, we are trying to make her change her mind”

“I want her to change her mind, I want her to want me too, I want to say sorry”

“Not now Rex, maybe in a couple of minutes”

“Why? So you could execute your genius plan that doesn’t sound at all like a horny teenage boy came up with ? You’re a f*****g alpha for goddess's sake, act like it”

Yes, the moon goddess hates me; she even gave me the biggest d**k for a wolf.

“You either let me talk to her now or I’m going to give you the biggest headache you will ever feel, I will start howling so loud that you won’t even hear your own thoughts, coz I’m in your thoughts anyway mother fucker, and if you think you could cut me off I will-”

“You are already giving me a headache asshole, fine I’ll tell her, just shut up”.

“Uhm… Ria, Rex wants to apologies to you about what he did”.

“Um... not necessary, as I told you before, I understand why he did what he did, he is forgiven” Alexandria says walking a bit closer to the river.

“Did you hear that, no need to talk to her, she forgives you” I tell Rex and he immediately start howling as loud as he can, f*****g asshole.

“Ria, please, he is giving me the biggest headache and I feel like my head is going to explode” she turns and sees me squinting my eyes and holding the side of my head with one hand.

“Oh, you really look like you are in pain, your wolf really is a d**k” she says looking a little surprised but what she said was enough for Rex to stop howling and to switch to low growling now.

“He really can be sometimes” I say laughing at her comment “so… can he?” I ask again and she reluctantly nods and takes a subtle relaxed fighting stance that I don’t miss.

“Okay, Rex, I’ll let you take control but you need to be careful and gentle, she is already on edge”

“Don’t worry; I will never hurt her again, no matter what”

With that I close my eyes and take a deep breath letting Rex take over.

Rex POV

I open my obsidian eyes and she is right there, so close I can touch her, so why not just touch her, I take a step toward her and she takes a step back, I tilt my head in confusion, we are mates, she must be craving my touch as much as I crave hers, I take another step.

“Don’t” she says

“Rex, what the f**k are you doing?”

“What? I just wanna lick her face and apologize” what’s wrong with this i***t human.

“I’m not the i***t, you i***t… she is not a wolf, that’s not how apologies work, you are going to creep her out”

“Well how the f**k would I know, I never gave a s**t before to apologize to anyone”

“That’s it, I’m taking control back”

“Like hell you are”

I feel Derek trying to take control and I’m sure our eyes are switching from black to blue rapidly.

“Hey, what’s up with the flickering light bulb thing you’re doing with your eyes?... which one is talking to me?” my mate asks stopping our bickering.

“Derek, just this once” I say almost pleading, I’m an alpha I should never plead or beg but this is important, she is important.

Derek sighs and let go and I’m in full control again.

I take a deep breath hanging my head in shame as I say

“Mate, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I was just blinded with rage, but I know what’s at stake now and what could have happened, I will never do something like that ever again, I would die for you”

“Don’t make us sound so desperate” Derek says.

“Shut up, we are desperate”

“It’s okay Rex, look at me, it’s all forgiven, really” she says and I look up to see her smiling sweetly at me, I sigh in relief and let Derek take back control.

Derek POV

“Sorry about him, he is a little intense” I say rubbing the back of my neck a little embarrassed by what Rex said.

“It’s okay, I know it’s just a bond thing” she says with a half smile.

“What do you mean?” I ask a little confused.

“I mean that the bond intensify things, make it feel bigger and stronger than it actually is, I think if it wasn’t for the bond and me getting pregnant, Luke wouldn’t have been that deeply in love with me, wouldn’t have sacrificed everything for me… don’t get me wrong, I know he loved me but it’s the bond that made everything bigger than life, made the feeling deeper and more intense, if he was a human, it wouldn’t have been the same” she says shrugging.

What? She has no I idea how the bond really works at all, or maybe she just refuses to believe that she could be loved that much… I think she is as f****d up as me.

“Who told you that?” I ask her, wondering where she got that s**t from.

“My father, he tried to warn me not to do the same mistake my mother once did after he found out about Luke” she says and she looks like she really didn’t want to talk about her parents and actually regretting mentioning them right now.

I've notice that she tends to blurt things she doesn’t mean to say, how the hell did she stay hidden for years?

I shake that thought for now and focus on the subject at hand, the bond.

“If Luke was a human, he would have loved you just the same, Ria, that’s not how the bond works” I say looking directly into her eyes and she looks at me in curiosity.

“the bond is like a map, it leads you to your mate but doesn’t make you fall in love with him or her, if you accept each other the map just spreads further, shows you the way to each other’s feelings, making you sense it too, feel each other pain, happiness, anger even death, and yes that intensifies things, because you don’t just know each other but you truly and literally feel each other and it’s a feeling beyond any blessing” I say stepping closer to her, holding her gaze and she doesn’t move back.

“But all of that doesn’t happen until you accept your mate, before that it’s just pure raw emotions between the two of you, not manipulated by anything that could leads you into falling in love and actually accepting each other” I say as I reach out and take her hand in mine, I feel the tingles when we touch and I see the Goosebumps spreading on her skin, I do have an effect on her, there is still hope.

“But rejections do happen, right?” she says as she slowly pulls her hands away from mine and my heart breaks a little.

“Yes, which proves my point even more, what we are feeling now is not driven by the bond” I tell her still holding to the sliver of hope that I have.

“But all I feel for you is gratitude for your kindness and allowing me to stay here while I sort my situation out” she says and all hope is gone just like that, I am nothing to her, just a kind stranger.

“Derek, you are a great man, but what I felt for Luke, I can’t imagine feeling the same with another man”,

I really need to find out where that bastard was buried, dig him up, beat the s**t out of him, and then kill him all over again.

“He is the only man I ever loved, and the only man I will ever love” she says all decisive.

You already broke my heart Alexandria you don’t have to shatter it into pieces.

I was a fool to think this was going to end any differently, to believe that I could love and be loved unconditionally, to actually feel like I belong to someone, to have a happy ending after all I’ve been through… but why would this be any different, all the while Rex remains silent, he is heartbroken as well.

I chuckle dryly at my thoughts while shaking my head and looking away from her and swallow the lump that formed in my throat.

“Alright Alexandria, I got it, loud and clear, so let’s get this over with” I say as expressionless as I can.

“Now?” she asks seemingly taken aback a little.

“Yes, now… isn’t that what you wanted all along?” I say coldly.

“Yes, but you said you had stuff to sort out first” she says as if she cares.

“It’s all sorted, so why the delay?, let’s go through with it, last name?” I realized I never really asked her what’s her full name is.

“Salvatore” she hesitantly says.

“Are you ready?” I ask her not really waiting for the answer.

“uhm” is all she says in response.

“I alpha Derek Stronghold of the crimson river pack…reject you Alexandria Salvatore as my mate and Luna, May the moon goddess be witness to that”, As I finish I swear I hear her whisper something, did she say… "wait" ?!

but before I can ask what it was, a searing pain goes through my body and I bend over falling to my knees, Rex lets out a pained howl and whimpers in pain and I feel my heart actually shattering and I can barely breath.

I hear her voice muttering something but I’m in so much pain I can’t really understand it, the rejection taking its effect.