Paper Stars

Kabanata 5

KABANATA 5

"I..." I started to say. I want so much as to tell him off for regarding the woman who gave birth to me a witch. But as I stared at his hateful expression, I knew nothing I say could affect him anymore. So I hid my clenched fists and stopped myself from saying any more.

"You what?" Malamig na usal ni Dice. Nakataas ang kanyang isang kilay. Hinahamon akong magsambit ng iba pang salita upang sa gayon ay mapatunayan niyang mababa talaga ang lebel ko.

Hindi na ako umimik at muling dumungo upang mag-iwas ng tingin. Dahan-dahan na rin akong umupo without making another noise.

"Mabuti naman at alam mo kung anong posisyon mo sa pag-uusap na ito." Malamig pa rin nitong sabi.

"Chichiue!" Mabilis na saway ni Gene.

Muli ko na lang ikinuyom ang aking mga palad to stop myself from reacting violently.

I am better than this. I am better than them. Just turn the other cheek, Aya. Turn the other cheek.

"As I've said before, dito ka titira for the duration of the headmaster's stay. Pero hindi ibig sabihin niyan ay payag na kaming pakalat-kalat ka na lang sa mansion. Para sa ikabubuti ng lahat, if possible, keep yourself invisible to anyone in here."

"Chichiue, enough!" Protesta na naman ni Gene.

"You'll have your food be brought to you in your room. You'll have your own entertainment sa loob ng kwarto - TV, internet, books and whatever," he began to enumerate the "rules" na sa akin lang effective.

"You're not allowed to stay anywhere in this house kung saan makikita ka namin. You're not allowed to talk to anyone unless being called to a meeting - not to the elders, to your cousins or to the staffs," pagpapatuloy pa nito.

"Chichiue!" Narinig kong protesta muli ni Gene yet once again fell in deaf ears as Dice continued.

"Well, unless your self-acclaimed father will accompany you that is," I glanced at Gene sideways. Kita ko agad na nakaigting ang kanyang panga at mabilis ang paghinga na tila kanina pa nagpupuyos sa galit.

"Do you have anything you want to say, Yuujin?" Sumulyap sa akin si Gene na tila humihingi ng permisong magsalita.

He was about to stand to most probably tell Dice whatever is on his mind right now. I know he's angry but this is my battle. I won't let him get in the way and become a collateral damage. Hindi ko hahayaang mangyari sa kanya iyon. Umaasa sina Mimi at ang kambal sa kanya.

Mabilis kong hinawakan ang braso niya upang pigilan siya sa kanyang binabalak. I gazed at him and saw confusion in his eyes. Iniling ko na lang ang ulo ko so he would get my message. Bumagsak naman ang mga bigong mata nito sa sahig. Nang naramdaman kong hindi na siya magpoprotesta ay hinayaan ko siyang ayusin ang kanyang pagkakaupo.

"Wala?" Ibinalik ko ang paningin ko sa nakakuyom kong kamay and returned to my happy place.

"Good! Mabuti at nagkakaintindihan tayo kung ganoon. I'm not expecting anything from you, Kurozawa Ayana, but I do hope that you already know how to behave in respect to that name you're carrying. Don't you put that name to shame, wakarimashita?" Nagtiim bagang na lang ako and tahimik na tumango. Ramdam ko uli ang mabibigat na paghinga ng aking katabi.

"Oh right, I forgot. You already did!" He let out a sarcastic laugh before continuing, "When you have our name permanently written next to yours, you already did," Dice added with finality.

"That is enough, Chichiue!" Hindi natiis ni Gene ang muling pagprotesta, "Anak ko ang iniinsulto niyo! Yes, she's maybe adopted. But she's MY adopted! Insultuhin niyo ang pangalan niya, para niyo na ring ininsulto ang pangalan niyo! She's under our family banner after all!" Asik nito sa kanyang amang ilang sandaling natahimik.

"Yes... of course," pabulong nitong sabi, "And that's the most unfortunate part of all," malamig nitong sabi at mas lalo kung idinungo ang aking ulo.

Think happy thoughts, Aya. Happy thoughts!

"That does it. We're out of here," napaangat ako ng tingin nang maramdaman ang paggalaw ni Gene. Napadungaw siya sa akin and maybe saw something in my eyes kaya biglang lumambot ang kanyang ekspresyon.

"Yes, go. Bago pa tuluyang masira ang gabi ko," I couldn't help but glance at Dice's tired form.

I put my hands together, fingers beside each other before I slowly slid them to the floor and bowed deeply in front of my uncle.

"Thank you for having us, Master Daisuke," I said.

"I am not thankful at all," maanghang nitong sagot bago ako hinila ni Gene palayo sa nasusuklam na mga titig ng kanyang ama.

Nasa harap na kami ngayon ng aking tutuluyang silid. Wala pa ring umimik sa aming dalawa.

Finally, I heard Gene cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for my father, Aya. The words he said..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at bakas sa kanyang mukha ang kalungkutan. I gave him a small smile.

"Wala iyon," I quickly said as I opened the doors para makapasok na. Hindi na siya pumasok at nanatili sa kanyang kinatatayuan.

"I have already prepared myself sa kanilang maaanghang na salita sa America pa lang kaya hindi ko na ikinagulat iyon. Don't worry too much about it, Gene. I'm fine," I continued bago ko siya nginitian to assure him that I was indeed fine.

Ngumiti rin siya ng isang malungkot na ngiti.

"Hindi mo kailangang sanayin ang sarili mo sa kanilang masasakit na salita. If I could have done something about this, mas magiging masaya sana ang buhay mo. But I'm a failure of a father. Ni hindi nga kita naipagtanggol nang maayos sa sarili kong ama," nakita ko ang pagkuyom ng kanyang mga palad habang sinasabi ang mga ito.

Umiling ako.

"You've done enough, Gene. When you decided to take me as your daughter, you've done more than enough. Sadya lang talagang sarado ang isipan at puso nila sa akin. And that's not your fault. Hindi mo makokontrol ang mga ito. No one can. I guess I'd just have to live with it and hope that one day they will accept me. But for now, I'm happy that I have someone like you on my side," mahaba kong sabi.

Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin ang pangingilid ng luha ng aking kausap.

"You're happy to have me? As your Daddy, my sweet, precious, brave, beautiful daughter?"

And... that killed the moment.

"Daddy's so happy too! Daddy's very happy!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-ikot ng aking mga mata as I stared at his stupid face.

"O, sige na at matutulog na ako," sabi ko na lang para huminto lang siya sa kanyang kabaliwan.

He robbed his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt at tumango-tango.

"Sleep well tonight, my beautiful daughter. Tomorrow, ipapasyal ka namin ni Mimi sa buong estate. How about it?" Nakangiti na nitong sabi.

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig.

"I can see Mimi tomorrow?" Masigla kong tanong.

Masigla niya rin akong tinanguhan bilang sagot.

"And the twins?" I excitedly asked. Gusto ko nang makita iyong kambal and play with them!

"And the twins," kaagad na sagot nito. Napatili ako sa saya but stopped myself when I saw some staffs na nakatingin sa akin at nakakunot ang noo.

Tinawanan lang ni Gene ang aking reaksyon, not caring for the staffs.

"I almost forgot that you're only just twelve years old. Kung umasta ka kasi parang kaedad lang kita," anitong tumatawa pa rin sabay gulo ng aking buhok.

Agad ko iyong pinalis at kunot noo ko siyang tinitigan.

"I AM twelve years old. Masyado ka lang kasing isip bata kaya naisip mong parang magkasing edad lang tayo," napaawang ang bibig niya sa sinabi ko, "Matutulog na ako. Umuwi ka na," at bago pa siya makapagreak ay isinara ko na ang mga pinto sa pagitan namin.

Ilang sandali ay narinig ko ang marahang pagkatok nito.

"Matulog ka nang mabuti, maganda kong anak. Susunduin ka ni Daddy bukas at pareho nating susuotin iyong 'I love my Daddy/Daughter' shirts habang pinapasyal ang buong estate, okay?" Napangiti na lang ako sa kabaliwan nito.

"Aya? My beautiful daughter? Tulog ka na ba?" I rolled my eyes at the door pero hindi na ako umimik.

"Sleep well, Princess," ang huli nitong sinabi bago ko narinig ang kanyang papalayong mga hakbang.

Princess...

I slid down to the floor at isinandal ang ulo sa matigas na pintuan. Wala na ang bakas ng ngiti sa aking mukha as I eyed the wholeness of the room.

I'm alone yet again.

"You're not alone and will never be again. I'm always with you, my Princess..." I hugged my knees at the memory.

Well, you're wrong Rekka. I am alone... still. I am alone.