Can You Break the Walls Around Me?

Love Banquet

Avich’s POV

Lumipas ang mga araw at so far nag-enjoy ako sa mga changes sa buhay ko. Ever since nagbasa ako nung librong binigay ni Ate Kai sa akin, unti-unti kong naiintindihan kung sino ako at sino si God. Nag-enjoy din ako sa worship burn journey namin. Minsan di kami kompleto, minsan kompleto kami. May mga araw kasi na hindi mapipigilan lalo’t nagtatrabaho na ang mga kasamahan ko. Mabuti palaging present si Ate Kai kaya okay lang.

Sa pagsasama namin may marami akong napapansin, mainly confirmed ko na crush ni Kuya Ariel si Ate Kai. Parati kasing sumusulyap si Kuya sa kanya. Kaya lang si Ate, focus lang kay God. Para yatang wala itong gusto kahit kanino.

Si Levi naman, I admired him more dahil mas nakita kong sincere ang faith niya kay God. Same din sila ni Ate Kai na present parati. Kaya nga lang, naiilang pa rin ako sa kanya. Minsan nung inaya kaming kumain ni Levi. Tapos tinatanong niya pala ako pero hindi ko siya sinagot. Akala ko kasi hindi ako ang kinakausap niya. Ang awkward tuloy. Para akong tanga. Pssh. Hindi ko talaga alam kung magiging comfortable pa ako sa kanya.

Anyways! Nga pala excited ang bata niyo.

Alam niyo kung bakit? Dahil malapit na ang Love Banquet! This banquet is like a prom, but a godly one. It's a good time for young people to have fun and learn more about Love and godly dating. This will be held before Valentine's day. Minsan naman, pagtiming na Sunday ang Valentine's day, dun din gaganapin ang okasyon.

Today is a Saturday, and everyone is busy decorating the church. Bukas na kasi ang Love Banquet at 6pm. While they did, me and Levi practiced the song to be sung for the Love Banquet together with the musicians.

The musicians played the intro of the song "The Gift" and then I sang after that.

'Winter snow is falling down

Children laughing all around

Lights are turning on

Like a fairytale come true'

You might have wondered kung bakit Levi is singing with me instead of playing sax. Dahil lang naman kasi kaming dalawa ang nakuhang kakanta sa duet song na "The Gift". It was the song that the majority chose when we were selecting kung anong kanta ang bagay para sa entrance ng mga participant as they do 'rampa' on the red carpet. And since duet ang kanta, nagspin the wheel kami first sa mga babae pagkatapos sa mga lalaki naman.

The result? I was the one that was chosen for the girls and Levi for the boys. Sobrang lakas nga ng t***k ng puso ko nang nalaman kong magduduet pala kami. My gash! Himala nalang talaga na nakakakanta ako ngayon beside him. Tapos ang bango niya! Hindi nakakatulong! Naman o…

When I was done with my part, kuya Levi sang the male part. Hindi ko naman mapigilang mapasulyap sa kanya.

'Watching as you softly sleep

What I'd give if I could keep

Just this moment

If only time stood still'

Grabe, ang ganda talaga ng boses niya! I mean, I've heard it before nung nag sax sessions kami. Siya kasi ang kumakanta ng song pag nagpapraktis ako ng chords na binigay niya sakin. Medyo hindi nga ako makapagconcentrate sa pagpapraktis kasi nadidistract ako sa boses niya.

And speaking of lessons, hindi ko akalaing mamimiss ko ang mga panahong yun. Hindi na kasi ako nagpatuloy nung nag ear training na kasi ang hirap! Feeling ko, walang kaibahan ang tono ng mga chords. Kaya nagquit ako. I mean, I didn't tell Levi exactly that I would quit. I just told him I was busy with school para di na niya ako kulitin sa paglesson.

It's not exactly a lie naman. Busy din talaga ako sa school nung mga panahong yun. Especially nang tumuntong ako ng 4th year nun. But that wasn't the ultimate reason kung bakit I no longer want to do the lessons. It was actually because I don't want to lose face in front of him. I don't want to look vulnerable sa mga mata niya. I want him to remember only the me na madaling makaintindi sa mga lessons niya. Hindi yung ako na hindi makuha-kuha agad kung anong note ang piniplay during sa ear training!

I know that I was being unreasonable. Kasi kaya nga may lessons para matuto. Pero aish! Whenever I think na he will take pity on me, I just don't think I can take it.

Kalaunan, maybe he finally understood na ayaw ko na magpatuloy sa lessons kaya hindi na niya ako inapproach para dun. Sobra nga akong kinabahan everytime na nilalapitan niya ko eh.

Inaamin ko, I regretted quiting. After all, it was my only chance to be close to him. At nasasabi kong medyo naging close kami dahil dun. Pero kahit yun, sinayang ko pa. So after that, wala na akong pwedeng maexcuse to speak with him kasi hindi na 'ko nagsax pa.

Pagkatapos naming magpraktis ay dumiretso ako sa kung nasan ang bag ko with my water bottle. Nauhaw kasi ako after dun. Nung nakarating ako run, Francine was close at nakita ko siyang nagsa-smile sakin na parang may ibig sabihin.

"Anong ngisi yan?" I said before drinking water.

"Eh kasi naman ate, panay tingin mo kay Kuya Lev kanina! Ang obvious obvious na may pagtingin ka sa kanya." sabi niya tas naggiggle.

I swallowed the water without so much as a reaction and replied, "Who cares? Sure ako alam na ng lahat. Baka nga alam na din niya."

Umiling-iling si Fran na parang di makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. "Wow, grabe ka talaga ate. Bilib na 'ko sayo."

“Haha”

When I got home, nagtalak na naman si Mama dahil wala pang saing at hindi pa nahugasan ang mga pinggan. It freaking pissed me off to my core that I thought of wanting to get out of my house, find a man to get laid! Get laid and laid althroughout the night, forgetting this place and my mom na talak ng talak. Everytime nalang nagtatalak!

Pero on the other side, naisip ko. Pag nagloko ako, sino bang kawawa? Eh di ba ako rin naman? Mabubuntis ako ng maaga kahit hindi pa ako tapos sa pag-aaral. Pag nanganak ako, kawawa naman yung anak ko kung iluluwal ko siya nang wala man lang akong pambili ng gatas!

Ayoko. Dapat ako lang ang poorita. Hindi ko idadamay ang mga anak ko.

Pero AISH!!! Nagagalit talaga ako kay Mama. Buwisit siya!

Fast forward….

Malapit nang magsimula ang LOVE BANQUET kaya pumwesto na 'ko malapit sa stage.

I scanned the crowd and looked at the people wearing their best dress or suit for the occasion. Mostly, naka-red ang mga babae. While mostly naka-black suit naman ang mga lalaki.

Hinanap ng mga mata ko ang lalaking unang nagpatibok ng puso ko.

I saw Levi earlier but now, hindi ko siya mahagilap. Baka mamaya siguro lalabas na rin yun. After all, malapit nang magsimula ang Banquet.

I was back on scanning the crowd and there was a woman who caught my attention.

Wait, isn’t that...

“Ate Hannah!?” Tawag ko sa kanya which made her look at me. Nakita kong nasorpresa din siya sakin.

Pupuntahan ko na sana siya nang mag-announce na ang host na magsisimula na ang banquet. “Mamaya na lang te!”

Nakita ko siyang tumango sa akin. Wow, ilang taon na rin pero mas lalo yata siyang gumanda. Christian pala si Ate?

Pinalabas na muna ang lahat ng dumalo for the grand entrance sa red carpet. Nakita kong lalabas din sana si Ate Hannah pero may pumigil sa kanya at nakita kong umupo ulit siya sa kung saan siya nakaupo kanina.

I wasn't able to think much on it kasi senenyasan na kaming magsimula na. Ang kaso nga lang, wala pa si Levi. Pero kahit ganun, wala akong nagawa kundi kumanta nalang kasi senenyasan ulit kami ng stage manager na magsimula na.

The musicians played the music at nagsimula nang pumasok by pair or individually ang mga participant.

'Winter snow is falling down

Children laughing all around

Lights are turning on

Like a fairytale come true'

Lev, nasan ka na ba? Hindi maganda 'tong kantang to pag ako lang!

'Sitting by the fire we made

You're the answer when I prayed

I would find someone

Baby, I found you '

Nang kumanta ako sa chorus, kinabahan na talaga ako ng todo!

'All I want is to hold you forever..

All I need is you more everyday

You saved my heart

You gave your love away

And I'm thankful everyday

For the gift

Pero buti nalang at maayos pa rin ang pagkanta ko. Pagkapatapos ko sa chorus, napapikit ako ng mata ko and just decided to sing the male's part.

Papalapit ng matapos ang instrumental part at idinilat ko na ang aking mga mata para kantahin na sana ang sa male part nang marinig kong may kumanta.

'Watching as you softly sleep..

Levi! I exclaimed in my head and then sought him. And when I did, I was surprised when I saw him look straight into my eyes as he walked on the red carpet.

What I'd give if I could keep

Just this moment

If only time stood still'

He has this intense stare that kinda frightens me as he walks with a mic in his hand and a… bouquet of flowers? on the other hand.

'But the colors fade away

And the years will make us grey

But baby in my eyes, you'll still be beautiful'

Sobrang kinakabahan na talaga ako habang papalapit siya ng papalapit sa kinaroroonan ko.

Pero nang magchorus kami ulit, a duet this time, he suddenly made a turn and went towards where a woman sat. The woman which was Ate Hannah.

Kumirot ang puso ko sa nakita. G-Girlfriend kaya niya si Ate Hannah?

'You saved my heart

From being broken apart'

He then gave the flowers to Ate, making her smile widely.

"Yieehhh" hiyaw ng mga tao.

When he went on the stage, patapos na ang kanta and I wasn't able to look at him then. I only smiled while singing to cover up my feelings inside.

Levi's POV

When I went up on the stage singing with Avich, sumulyap-sulyap ako sa kanya to see if there was a reaction. But I was a bit frustrated when I couldn't see a thing. Ang masaklap pa dun is she was just smiling all the while, na as if walang nangyari.

But Van said that she still has feelings for me. Panay sulyap pa nga raw siya sakin nung kumakanta kami kahapon while practicing. So, is it okay to think that she was covering up the hurt by smiling?

Natapos na ang kanta namin kasabay ng pag-upo ng lahat ng dumalo. I saw Avich then go down from the stage without so much as pay attention to me.

Strange. Usually, she would give me and the others a smile before she would go down the stage like yesterday. A courtesy she learned siguro from Kaira. After all, Avich doesn't usually smile at people who isn't that close with her.

Napangiti ako sa loob ko nang marealize ko na baka…nagseselos nga ang bata. I can't help but be glad that she still has feelings for me.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit gusto ko siyang pagselosin. Maybe it's because hindi matanggal sa isip ko ang sinabi sakin ni Van nung isang araw. Na baka maghanap si Avich ng iba. Kaya hindi ko napigilan makaisip ng childish act.

Childish man pero I was given an opportunity to unleash the Pagselosin Operation. So I grabbed the opportunity.

I went down the stage as well after giving the musicians a thumbs up.

"Grabe ka Kuya. You surprised me!" sabi ni Hannah nang makaupo na 'ko sa table namin.

"Wag kang pauto jan, Hannah. May pinagseselos lang yan kaya niya ginawa yun. Planado niya lahat. Sinasabi ko sayo.." sabi ni Van sa tabi ko, which made me narrow my eyes at him.

Kaso di niya nakita. Panay kasi tingin at salita niya kay Candice. Tss, feeling ko may gusto na naman siya rito. Ang bilis talaga ma-attract nitong lalaking to.

"Pinagseselos?" tanong ni Hannah.

"Hannah, gusto ko talaga gawin yun. For thanking you kasi you didn't forget about me even though naghiwalay na kami ng ate mo. Tapos nag-abala ka pang pumunta rito kahit hindi ka naman Christian."

Hannah Salvino. The younger sister of my ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend who was the reason of why I returned to the Philippines to forget about everything. To forget about how she cheated on me even after 6 years of us being together.

I left everything. Even my career there as a famous saxophonist. Maybe it served me right kasi I used my talent for the world, instead of using it for God's glory. The God who gave me everything. My life, my family, our wealth.

"It was nothing, kuya. Ang boring kasi nung bagong boyfriend ni at- oops! Sorry kuya! That was insensitive of me."

I gave her a smile at that. "It's okay. I'm over her."

"That's right! He's over her. Kasi may iba na siyang sinisinta."

I narrowed my eyes at Van and I made sure this time na makikita niya ito.

"O bakit? Nahihiya ka pre? haha Oo na, oo na. Tatahimik na! Di na mabiro. Magpe-pray na o”

Kahit kailan talaga ang kati ng dila nito.

It was true na gusto kong pagselosin si Avich. But I didn't actively made a plan out of it. After all, opportunities will just come before you even know it. And opportunity? It was delivered in my hands when I saw Hannah. Nagkataon kasi na gusto kong mag Thank You-Surprise sa kanya for not forgetting me kahit wala na kami ng Ate niya. At saan pa ba mas better i-surprise si Hannah kundi sa harap ng madla, especially sa harap NIYA na para bang may nililigawan akong iba, right?

So I was basically killing two birds with one stone kasi nasurprise ko na nga si Hannah, nagselos pa si Avich.

Avich's POV

After singing on the stage, I went directly to my table where Francine and Ara were seated. They were my best of friends in church. Ang ganda ganda nga rin nila sa mga suot nila. Kaya lang to si Ara hindi nag-ayos man lang. Nakajeans pa rin. Di kasi siya mahilig sa dresses. Di tulad namin ni Francine.

"Ate Viiiich, may jowa na pala si Kuya?" sabi ni Francine sakin sabay tingin sa kinauupuan nina Levi.

Nga pala, andito si Ate Hannah. At mukhang girlfriend yata siya ni Levi. I wonder saan kaya sila nagkita?

"Okay lang yan, Vich. Darating din ang nilaan ng Diyos para sayo." Sabi ni Ara. My friend who's my age.

Tumawa nalang ako sa kanila. Kasi for me, hindi ko naman alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. At first kasi natigilan ako sa ginawa ni Kuya. And I admit, it was hard to look at him after that. Pero kalaunan parang feeling ko I was….relieved?

Relieved saan?

I think I was relieved na baka eto na yung sign ng paglaya ko. Paglaya ko sa isang, unrequited love. Ilang taon ko na kasing kinikimkim ang pag-ibig ko para kay Levi. Pero wala din namang nangyayari. Siguro way ito ng pagsabi ni Lord na tigilan ko na siya.

“Excuse me lang guys ha. Ano kasi, kakilala ko yung babae. Magha hi lang ako.” Kahit naman masakit, hindi ko trip ang hindi mamansin ng kaibigan dahil lang nasa kanya ang gusto ko.

“What kilala mo siya?? Sure ka ba? Baka mansabunot ka, Babae.”

Umirap ako kay Ara. “Ay naku, Ara tigilan mo ko.” Tumawa silang dalawa sa sinabi ko kaya umiling na lang ako ron, Lumakad na ako papunta sa table nina Levi.

Here goes nothing…

Levi's POV

“Sinisinta? Di kaya, si Avich yun kuya?” Biglang tanong ni Hannah sa akin. “Yung babaeng kaduet mo kanina?”

Nabigla ako sa tanong niya. “You know her?”

“Oo. Pero matagal na yun kuya. I was fourth year that time while she’s my junior. Oh, look papalapit siya rito.” Nakangiting sabi ni Hannah.

Lumingon ako at nakitang papalapit nga rito si Avich. “Ate Hannah!!! Kumusta? Ang tagal na rin nung huli tayong nagkita.” Masiglang bati ni Avich kay Hannah tapos naghug sila. “Ang ganda mo talaga kahit noon pa. Mas lalo ka atang gumanda ngayon.”

“Haha ikaw talaga. Ikaw nga tong mas lalong gumanda jan. Alam mo ang ganda pa rin ng boses mo hanggang ngayon.”

“Thanks ate. Di ko alam magkakilala pala kayo ni Kuya?” Sabi ni Avich at sumulyap sa akin.

“Ah oo. Actually matagal na.”

Tumango-tango si Avich don. “I see. Well, kinamusta lang talaga kita ate. Welcome pala sa church namin. And enjoy kayo ni Kuya. Hehe” sabi tapos sumulyap uli sa akin.

Napataas ang isa kong kilay. Anong ibig mong sabihin bata?

“Ikaw din.”

“Sige po, balik na ako sa upuan ko.”

“Wait, you can sit here Vich.” Aya ko sa kanya.

“Ah, wag na kuya. Baka isipin ng mga kaibigan ko inidyan ko sila. Haha”

“Oh, okay.”

“Sige balik na ko. Nice meeting you again, Ate Han.” Sabi niya at umalis na.

Medyo nanghinayang ako pero wala naman tayong magagawa don. “Alam mo, Lev. Kung niligawan mo na yan, edi palagi yang nakaupo sa tabi mo! Tch. Ang slow mo kasi. Ayan tuloy hanggang tingin ka lang din.”

“Tss, shut it Van.”

“Tama si Van, kuya.”

“Oh, not you too, Hannah.”

“Haha”

Nagsimula na ang first part ng Banquet which is the welcome speech of kuya Marv. After nun inanounce ng host ang pagsisimula ng Question and Answer portion.

“Okay, who has questions for our power couple??”

Maraming nagtaas ng kamay doon.

"Okay Mr. Lance, what is your question to our Power couple?"

"Uhmm, necessary po bang Christian ang dapat piliin natin when it comes to choosing a spouse?"

"Oh, what a good question! Ano naman kaya ang masasabi ng ating Power Couple? Pakinggan natin ang kanilang sagot."

"Si Ali sasagot niyan. Mas expert siya jan."

Tumawa ang mga tao dun sa sinabi ni Kuya. He was referring to my sister - in - law. Sila kasi ang sasagot sa mga katanungan ng mga participants about sa LOVE.

"For me, it is necessary, or I strongly suggest rather na dapat believer ang piliin mo when it comes to choosing a spouse. Pareho kasi kayo ng foundation. You are both Christ-centered. Kaya no matter what hardships that may come, you will always go to God in prayer instead of giving up your spouse for whatever reason. Unlike when you choose an unbeliever, they will immediately decide to find another when they feel nothing for you anymore or when hardships come. They could care less about you if you seem to stop making them feel the sparks or the kilig. Because the world's definition of love is pleasure. But God's definition of love isn't about seeking your own wants or pleasure. It is loving the person because you chose to love the person regardless if they have something to offer or not. That is why pick a person who loves God above all else. Because that person will surely treasure you just like how God treasured that person. I think that's all."

Pumalakpak ang lahat sa sagot ni Ate Ali. Even me. Because I strongly agreed with what she said. To pick a believer instead of a non- believer.

Kung sana I took heed of Kuya Marv’s advice noon, hindi ko na sana na experience ang ma-heart broken. But I chose to follow my deceitful heart. I chose to love Nina even when it was clear that her heart was worldly.

“Okay who’s next?”

“Ako!!!” Malakas na sabi ni Avich na tumayo pa talaga. Napatawa nalang tuloy ako sa kanya. Kahit yung iba tumawa rin. Ano kayang tanong niya?

“Wow! I like the energy, Avich. Well then let’s hear your question!”

“Ahm, medyo vulgar po to eh. Slight lang naman hehe”

Natawa kami sa sinabi niya.

“Oh, ano naman kaya ito??”

“Ahm, curious lang po okay lang bang magkiss sa lips kahit nagdedate pa lang kayo?”

Hala, ba’t naman yan ang tanong niya?

“Wow, medyo vulgar nga ito! Ano naman kaya ang masasabi ng ating power couple?”

“Biblically speaking, wala namang sinabi sa bible na di pwedeng maghalikan ang magkasintahan. But speaking from experience, we both say no to that.” Sabi ni Ate Ali at tumango naman si Kuya Marv doon. “Tanong niyo, bakit naman? Dahil mostly kasi, dyan nagsisimula ang temtasyon. Di ba, sa tingin niyo saan ba pupunta ang ang kiss? Di ba alam na natin kung saan ang punta nun? Which is S-E-X? Kaya in order to prevent temptation guys, you must refrain from the starting point dahil kahit ano pang sabihin mong, ‘te kiss lang naman yan eh’ di pa rin eh. Dyan kasi nagsisimula ang lahat …”

I agree to ate Ali of course. I’m a man so, I find it hard to settle for just kissing. Pag nasimulan mo na yung first base, talagang hahanap ka ng paraan para magawa ang second base, then third base at dun nakascore ka na.

After several questions, natapos rin ang question and answer portion. It was dinner time then. As the dinner was served, I saw Avich go up to the stage. Ah, kakanta nga pala siya while the others are eating. Tumugtog ang kantang "Because You Loved Me" at nagsimulang kumanta si Avich pagkatapos ng intro.

'For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

FOr all the wrong that you made right'

Curious talaga ako kung bakit tinanong niya yung tanong na yun kanina. May dinidate na kaya siya tapos plano niyang maghalikan sila kaya niya tinanong yun? Di ko alam pero hindi maganda pakiramdam ko sa naisip kong yun.

"Kuya Lev, you should eat." rinig kong sabi ni Hannah.

Oh right. Kanina pa pala nakaserve ang meal namin.

"Naku, naku, naku! Ba't ba kasi hindi mo nalang ligawan, Lev! Obvious naman na gusto ka rin eh."

Tss. Dada na naman ng dada tong si Van. Kung di lang niya kami narinig mag-usap ni Kuya nun, di sana niya malalaman yung tungkol sa pagtingin ko kay Avich.

"Kumain ka nalang jan."

“Haha”

" Hello sa inyong lahat! Hannah, are you enjoying the banquet?" sabi ni Kuya nang lumapit siya sa table namin.

"Yes po. Thanks for welcoming me even after what ate did. You know.." Hannah said looking sad.

"It's okay, Han. The past is over and gone. At tsaka welcome lahat dito. Kahit nga sinama mo pa si ate mo, okay lang. Di ba Lev?"

Hearing the words, I looked at Kuya.

Sure I was over Nina. Pero after what Kuya said, I can't help but think that maybe I'm only thinking that because I haven't seen her ever since we broke up. But what if she comes to me? Can I still say the same?

“Lev?”

Nakita kong lahat sila ay nakatingin sakin.

“Ha? Uh, yeah. Of course.” tanging sabi ko sa kanila.

“See, Han?”

“Ah, mabuti kuya. Hehe”

Nagpatuloy lang ang lahat sa okasyon hanggang sa nagsimula na ang pagpili ng Mr. and Ms. Star of the night…