Diary ng Maitim

Chapter 19

Entry 22

Dear Diary,

I love my Mamshie for brushing my hair at sa pag-ponytail nito sa`kin. This day was special at alam mo naman siguro kung bakit. Pero `pag siya talaga nang-asar sa`kin, legit talagang maaasar ka.

Ewan ko ba. Pakiramdam ko na-bluetooth ni Onin kay Mama ang pagka-bully noong minsan siya ditong nagawi. `Pag `di pa nagbago `tong si Mudra, papatawag na `ko ng feng shui expert next week. Pa’no ba naman, para raw akong tikbalang sa anyong tao? Lalo raw naging convincing kay `yong heels ko tumutunog na parang hoofs ng kabayo.

“Mamshie, hindi si Petrang Kabayo ine-emulate ko kung `di si Ms. Reign,” informed ko sa kanya while untangling my hair. “Ganito kaya outfit niya kahapon! Magtwi-twinning kami later.”

Unfortunately, hindi ko magaya pagka-sleek ng buhok ni Ms. Reign. My hair is naturally wavy at alam mo `yong parang may oxygen? `Yong konting ihip lang ng hangin sumasayaw na. Also, hindi rin ako confident na ihawi talaga lahat ng buhok sa mukha. May pagka-NAIA terminal kasi ang noo ko, prior to any land improvement. So naglagay ako ng messy bangs para may konting originality naman.

No’ng mag-commute ako, hindi ko maiwasang managinip nang gising. I was imagining, Ms. Reign, Tyra, Naomi and I were modelling Versace summer collection. Ako raw ang pang-finale. In my mind, I had this big smile.

But in actuality, it was even bigger to the point na nagsimula ng mag-alala sa`kin ang mga kapwa ko pasahero sa jeep. `Yong katabi ko sa kaliwa naramdaman kong lumayo. `Yong ale namang katapat ko, binigyan ako ng burger at bottled water. In-insist niya pa akala ata nalipasan ako ng gutom.

Nonetheless, tinanggap ko pa rin though I assured them na hindi ako baliw o pasmado ang kalamnan. “Ganito lang ho talaga ako mag-isip,” sabi ko pa.

Um-attend ako ng morning class, at no’ng pumasok ako sa kwarto, `Day, all eyes were on me. Not to laugh, which was the usual, but for the first time, they looked at me in awe. I was so flattered. Like, ‘Hello, ako lang `to!’

“Dana, anong okasyon? Bakit ka nag-heels?” tanong ng isa kong classmate.

“Nasira kasi flat shoes ko kahapon e.” I lied. Nothing but praise ang narinig kong in-utter ng madla. Even Harold was mesmerized (I liked to think he was). Nasa middle part siya ng seating arrangement and he never really looked at the back once he’s seated. Ngayon lang ang instance na medyo naka-gilid siya ng upo, probably taking a glimpse of me.

Nasira lang mood ko nang dumating na sa wakas si Onin. Though I thought I saw his eyes glimmered as he entered. Pero once nagsalita na ang impakto, napuno na uli ng tawanan ang kwarto.

“Uy, may naligaw na kabayo! Si Blacky!”

Feeling ko talaga nag-uusok na noon ang tenga ko’t ilong. Kung `di ko lang sinaalang-alang ang presensya ni Harold na roundhouse kick ko na siguro ang unding na `yon. Napaka-talaga. Gusto ko ng matapos lahat ng klase sa umaga so that makapag-duty na `ko this afternoon.

At noong matapos na nga ang kalbaryo namin, Onin and the rest immediately headed out. Ako usually ang huling lumalabas kay nagre-retouch pa man ako bago ako masilayan ng mga tao. I was surprised Harold was there, naglalagay pa ng mga gamit sa bag.

“Dana, don’t mind Onin earlier. You look beautiful.”

You bet I was in a coma after that. Natameme ako, bakla! Hindi ako nakagalaw. Though I knew and I felt `yong dugo ko umaakyat na sa mukha giving me a rosy glow. Harold seldom talked and if he did, it was only to answer your question or to give a reply. At kung mag-initiate man siya ng conversation, it was all business as usual.

This was the only instance he said something so shallow, but gave me enough joy. “Thank you, Harold.”

He smiled. “I got to go. Bye.”

“Bye!” Nag-twinkle ako ng daliri as my goodbye.

Nang sa tingin ko nakalayo na siya, aba’y tumili ako ala Mariah! Just to release my bottled up kilig! Who knew ang pagsusuot lang pala ng heels at pag-ponytail makakakuha ng atensyon ni Harold? Maybe I should rock this outfit all the time!

Nang makapag-lunch na `ko, I immediately slipped to the office at binigay ang time card kay Ma’am Mamia. In exchange, binigay niya sa`kin ang tablet – my means of documenting Ms. Reign’s talk. Hindi siya nag-comment sa aking ayos though I could tell in-acknowledge niya ito.

Patay ang ilaw sa loob ng office ni Sir Carlitos which would then suggest si Onin ang magbibigay ng bouquet kay Ms. Reign besides handing out the evaluation form bago matapos ang talk. And since si Ma’am ang magsta-stand in kay Sir Carlitos para i-acknowledge ang guest speaker naglipstick na rin siya.

Pumasok ako sa G.C.O nang ilagay ko roon ang gamit. Ma’am Ma. Sita was amazed.

“Wow! Dana! Akala ko si Ms. Reign na ang pumasok!” Napalagay ako ng buhok sa likod tenga. “Maputi si Ms. Reign, Ma’am, pero thank you sa compliment. Si Onin po pala?”

“Bumili ng bulaklak.” Then may pinatong siya sa pinagta-table-an ni Onin. Evaluation forms. “Isabay mo na `to pagpasok mo sa Theatre Room.”

Kinuha ko ‘to na parang libro, ang tablet ni Ma’am Mamia ang nasa pinakaibabaw. Noong nasa loob na `ko ng room may mga technicians ng nag-aayos ng ilaw at projector. Unfortunately for me, naka- cocktail dress si Ms. Reign, naka-down ang hair, wavy. So I knew then hindi kami makakapag-twinning. Gusto ko sanang lumapit sa kanya, except she was very focused sa kanyang laptop together with her assistant na dino-double check lahat ng mga slides sa presentation.

Eventually, the crowd invited themselves in. Ang nasa isip ko, these talk will be stormed in by women. Pero turned out, mas marami ang mga lalaki. Ugh. Boys and their testosterone. Dumami lamang ang female audience the moment the Dean of Business Ad came in. Ms. Reign took the microphone at pinakiusapan ang mga boys na i-vacate ang monoblocks for the girls, which they did like some good little boys.

Ako naman ngayon ang nag-shoulder ng burden. Kailangan kong makipagsiksikan sa mga lalaki dahil gusto ni Ma’am Mamia hindi lang sa gitna kumuha ng photos. I wished I could be one of these girls na nakaupo’t makikinig lang ng talk with no distraction whatsoever. Sadly, kailangan kong magpaka- S.A.

But as much as I could, ninamnam ko lahat ng pinagsasabi ni Ms. Reign. Ang postura daw ng tao ang magsasabi kung ga’no kalakas ang `yong presensya, not because of your skin or your dress. It’s the way you carry on.

Without knowing its term, ginagawa ko na pala on my own ang mga tips na in-impart ni Ms. Reign. Tulad ng pagtingin ng diretso na nag-gi-give off daw ng vibe ng confidence. I usually only look down once my inferiorities kicked in. And I only raised my head like an arrogant gangster tuwing bubwisitin ni Onin.

Ginagawa ko na rin `yong tip niyang `pag tuck in ng tiyan mapatayo ka man o mapaupo. Obviously, my joga gave an impression na naka-chest out ako pero intentionally kinukuba ko ang sarili because if I put it forward nasasagwaan ako tignan. But now that I found out na ang unhealthy pala ng ginagawa ko, automatiko akong napa-chest out.

`Yong mga lalaki naman sa paligid kung nasaan ako ay nagbiglang lingon nang ginaya ko. E pinagagaya ni Ms. Reign e! Sumunod lang ako.

After learning what good posture looked like, sinunod naman niyang ituro ang paraan ng paglalakad. Sa segment na `to mas nakinabang ang mga babae dahil hinati niya ito sa dalawa – walking with heels and walking with flats.

Some of her tips were really just mental. Kapag nakasuot ng heels, you have to think na isang straight plank lang ang `yong lalakaran, just what like cats do. Kaya raw naimbento ang word na ‘catwalk’. Kapag naman naka-flats you have to think you’re walking on two planks.

Siya na nag-exhibit sa `with heels’ then tumawag siya ng volunteer ng mag-eexhibit for the flats. D-in-ocument ko ang portion na `yon, then changed place – sa gitna – for a better angle. It might just be me, pero `yong ibang lalaki ang sama ng tingin sa`kin, thinking hinaharangan ko ang view nila. Well, isa naman `yan sa advantage ng pagiging S.A. - they had to deal with it.

“So the next part of my presentation is...” Tumango siya sa kanyang assistant to proceed to the next slide.

I wanted to get Ms. Reign’s photo closer pero masyado akong malayo at kapag z-in-oom ko naman ang kuha masasakripisyo ang quality. To get a better one, in-excuse ko pa ang sarili sa mga nakaupong lalaki sa harapan and strutted forward. With the heels on, I towered like a tall guy; nakuha nito ang atensyon ni Ms. Reign. Nang hindi siya mabigla kung sino ako, itinaas ko ang tablet. And by then she might have thought, parte ako ng technician crew.

Pabalik na sana siya sa diskusyon until all of a sudden nag-dive ang Lola mo! Someone from the left tripped me. Multiple humiliation at takot ang naramdaman ko no’n, Diary. There’s this frightened feeling na baka masira ko `yong tablet ni Ma’am Mamia. On the other hand, there’s the feeling I ruined Ms. Reign’s talk. Then there’s the humiliation coming from the laughs I was getting.

‘And then a heroine comes along’ kanta ko sa isip, Diary. Naglinis ng lalamunan si Ms. Reign at sinabihan ang lahat. “Please stop laughing. The next part of the presentation is on how to elegantly pick up a thing you dropped. But now, let’s change that on how to elegantly pick yourself up if you fall.”

Even though sinabihan na sila ni Ms. Reign na tumigil, may faint sound pa rin ng halakhakan sa paligid. Pero the moment na sinadya ni Ms. Reign na matisod, the theatre was still and silent. “How come hindi kayo nagsitawanan nang ako na ang natalisod? Was it because I’m known? Do you think she deserved your laughter? Boys, maybe sa next kong talk, I’ll invite a gentleman to give you tips on how to be one.”

Then as if nakonsensya, one guy randomly stood up and lent his hand on Ms. Reign. Nagpasalamat ang Beauty Queen but she declined. “Now I want to show you how to elegantly pick yourself up when nobody’s there to help you. Ladies, don’t wait for the boys to help you. You help you.”

“Ano’ng name mo?” she asked me without using microphone.

“Dana po,” I said. Iniwan na ako ng kahihiyaan, napalitan ito ng karangalan. I was privileged to be her involuntary volunteer for this segment.

“So Dana, you fell. But of course, you don’t want to lie there and wait for a Romeo. How do you pick yourself up, assuming you’re wearing a skirt. Well, first you sit like a mermaid...” I-d-in-emo niya `to sa madla. “Then twist your body to your side, ang dalawang kamay nasa ground. Then using those hands, propel yourself up, and brushed off. Now let me see.”

Napalagok ako when she gave her attention to me. I didn’t want to disappoint so sinigurado kong nasunod ko ang kanyang steps. At nang makatayo ako, pinalakpakan nila ako. Ms. Reign even wrapped her arm around me as she said, “There’s nothing laughable when a woman decides to stand up after every fall.”

Kinalabit ako ng isang girl to give me the tablet and I resumed my work but not before knowing sino `yong nanisod – ang garapatang si Angelica. Bumalik ako sa likod. Siya namang pasok ni Onin dala ang bouquet ng mga rosas. Gusto ko sanang usisain kung `yong nasa phone ko ba ang binili o hindi kaso bigla niyang nilagay sa light and sound area.

Lumabas siya’t nagtanong. “Malapit na bang matapos?”

“Sixty percent.” “`Pag nag- eighty percent na ipamahagi na natin ang evaluation form bago makalabas ang mga tao. Ako sa kanan, ikaw sa kaliwa.” “Puwedeng palit tayo? Nando’n sa kaliwa ang impakta mong pinsan e. Tinalisod ba naman ako kanina.” “Ha? Pagpasensyahan mo na. Hayaan mo kakausapin ko mamaya.” “No, it’s okay. Na-redeem ko naman sarili ko e. You should have seen it.”

When the eighty percent mark came, pinapasa na namin ang mga evaluation form. I knew most often binabalahura lang ng mga respondent ang form, but I doubt if they could do that to Ms. Reign. Hindi pa man namin nakukuha ang mga na-fill-up-ang forms, Ma’am Mamia already started the ninety percent mark.

Nakatingin sa`kin si Ma’am Mamia, pinatatawag si Onin sa`kin. I hissed at Onin at g-in-esture ko naman siyang tumingin kay Ma’am Mamia.

‘Yong bouquet,’ ang pagkakaintindi ko sa kanilang little charade.

“Ako na kokolekta sa forms. Kunin mo na,” sabi ko. Then to the audience, I said, “Pakipasa na lang forward kung tapos ng fill up-an. Salamat!”

So when I finally collect the papers, nagsalita si Ma’am Mamia, acknowledging Ms. Reign Zuñiga’s initiation to do a talk about Elegance. Pumwesto ako sa center and took multiple shots. Mayamaya lang, Onin brushed by me. Naamoy ko ang halimuyak ng rosas. Kinuhaan ko ang pag-receive ni Ms. Reign ng plaque at bouquet. Nakuhaan ko rin ang kanyang pagtataka.

“Wait a minute, you’re giving me two bouquets? Kanina `tong isa?” Ms. Reign and Ma’am Mamia and the rest of the crowd were probably watching Onin, lalo na’t ginamitan pa ni Ms. Reign ng microphone.

Saksi namin ang pagkataranta ni Onin. Parang sinasabi niya kay Ms. Reign na kunin na lang. Instead, binalik ni Ms. Reign kay Onin ang dalawang bouquet and faced the crowd. “I will not accept the flower if you don’t give the other to the intended person in five, four...”

Of course, you knew I wouldn’t miss this, Diary, so instead of photo, v-in-ideo mode ko ang kuha. I was laughing inside seeing how embarrassed Onin was.

“Three, two –”

Hindi na hinintay ni Onin mag-one. Umalis siya sa kinatatayuan at tinungo ang direksyon ng pagbibigyan. So while he’s moving towards me, tumagilid ako konti to give him way. Pero ang pinagtataka ko, he didn’t walk along the free way. Instead, nakatapat siya sa camera ng tablet ni Ma’am Mamia.

I was oblivious of the crowd’s cheering. And I was kasi isa rin ako sa nagche-cheer. Sabi ko pa, “Onin, ibigay mo na kay girl. Ayyiiee! Hiya ka pa e.”

“Ikaw nga kasi `yong girl,” bulong niya nang pagalit sabay abot sa`kin.

Diyos ko, Diary, I did not foresee such thing. Unti-unti kong binaba ang tablet, tinitigan ang mga rosas sabay angat ng tingin kay Onin. “Tae naman o! Kunin mo na. Pinagtitinginan na tayo e!”

Kinuha ko ito and immediately, binigay niya kay Ms. Reign ang natira.

After the talk, bumalik kami sa office. Binigay k okay Ma’am Mamia ang tablet. She complained. “Oh, ba’t hindi mo na kinuhaan uli `yong pagtanggap ni Ms. Reign ng bulaklak?”

In case she didn’t know, masyado akong shock para maka-function after ko abutan ni Onin ng bulaklak. Siya ang unang lalaking gumawa no’n. And I was glad hindi niya dinugtungan ng, “Happy Halloween!”