Chapter 3: Drift
957 Words
Yumi's Point of View
Monday morning came in like a slap to the face. Yup, may nangyari ulit saaming dalawa.
Wala pa akong tulog. Barely any rest. My skin still smelled like Craulo's scent, even after the shower. I tried scrubbing it off, pero para bang nanunuot na sa balat ko 'yung presence niya. At kahit ayoko na, parang gusto ko pa rin.
Nakaka-addict.
Nakakatanga.
My phone buzzed again. Another message from Craulo.
"Just got home. Thanks."
Short. Blunt. Cold.
Walang emoji. Walang sweet note. No, "Did you sleep okay?" o kahit man lang "Take care."
I stared at his message longer than I should have, then locked my screen.
"Good morning, Ms. Sleeping Beauty."
Trina's voice cut through my thoughts as she entered the salon's backroom, her iced coffee in hand and a knowing smile playing on her lips.
I faked a grin. "Maaga ka ngayon ah."
"Nag-alarm ako ng mas maaga kasi may kutob akong late ka," she said, sipping her coffee. "And I was right."
She sat across from me and studied my face. Her eyes narrowed. "Puyat?"
"Hindi," I lied.
"Yumi," she said with that voice she used only when she was about to call me out. "You know I know you, right?"
I rolled my eyes. "Pagod lang. Weekend bookings, remember?"
"Mmm... bookings nga ba? Or Craulo?" saad niya nang makahulugan.
My throat tightened.
I hated how well she could read me. Trina was my longest, truest friend. Nagsimula kami as coworkers in the same salon. Ngayon, she was the sister I never had.
I shrugged. "Wala namang bago. He came. We... you know. Then he left."
"Uh-huh," she said, not convinced. "So bakit ganyan ka ngayon?"
I paused. "Paano ba ako ngayon?"
"Ewan. Parang kaiba lang. Tahimik. Hindi ka usual na... mataray. Wala ka sa mood sumabat o mang-asar. And that only happens when something's off."
I looked away. "Wala, Trins. Pagod lang."
"Yum." Her tone softened. "Look, I'm not judging. Alam mo 'yan. Gusto mo ng casual? G ka. Ayoko lang na habang pinipilit mong palabasing okay ka sa set-up ni Craulo, unti-unti ka nang nalulunod."
I laughed dryly. "I'm not. Hindi ako marupok, no."
She leaned forward. "Sige nga. Kung hindi ka marupok... bakit mo pa siya iniintindi kahit wala naman kayong label?"
I didn't answer.
Because deep down, I knew she had a point.
I met Trina during my early years sa industry. Sa isang maliit na salon sa Pasay. Baguhan pa lang ako noon, and she was one of the few na hindi ako tiningnan mula ulo hanggang paa.
She used to tell me, "Trans ka? So what? Pareho lang tayong may bills."
And since then, she'd always had my back-even when I didn't want it.
Today, she was playing her usual role-my voice of reason. The annoying, unfiltered one.
"Yumi, you said rules are rules," she went on. "Pero let's be honest... ilang beses mo na bang chin-eck phone mo today?"
"Once." I lied... again.
"Girl, nakasampu ka na. Kahit ako naiilang."
I snorted. "Exaggerated."
She raised an eyebrow. "You think he's checking his phone for you?"
That one hit harder than I expected.
Because no, he wasn't.
Craulo was never the clingy one. He didn't initiate conversations unless he was bored or wanted something.
And yet, here I was-counting the hours between his replies.
I shook my head, as if I could shake off the feeling.
"Ano bang gusto mo marinig, Trins?" I asked. "Na gusto ko siya? Na baka nahuhulog na ako kahit bawal?"
"Kung totoo, then say it."
I stayed silent.
"Alam mo ba ang pinakamasakit sa 'no labels'?" she continued. "'Yung kahit nasasaktan ka na, wala kang karapatang umangal. Kasi technically, wala ka namang hawak."
I bit my lip. My eyes burned. But I refused to cry.
Not here. Not about him.
Trina stood up and handed me a tissue anyway. "For when you're ready."
I spent the rest of the morning distracted. I tried focusing sa clients-mani-pedi, brows, konting chika. But my mind kept drifting.
To last night.
To him.
To the way he looked at me in the dark like I was someone he needed... only for the night.
To the way he left without looking back.
I knew what we had was temporary. Rules were clear. No feelings.
But hearts don't follow contracts.
And lately, mine had been making detours.
Lunch break came. I was outside, nursing a soda, when I saw a couple across the street.
They were laughing. Holding hands. Carefree.
The kind of intimacy you couldn't fake.
The kind you couldn't buy.
The kind I'd always wanted but never had.
I sighed.
Sa mundong tulad nito, saan nga ba ako lulugar? I was too woman to be treated as "just one of the boys," but too trans to be fully accepted as someone to be loved.
Laging may kulang.
Laging may takot.
Kaya natuto akong magtago sa landas na walang label.
Masakit nga naman pag iniwan ka ng boyfriend mo... pero mas masakit kapag iniwan ka ng lalaking hindi naman talaga naging iyo.
Because you can't mourn what was never official.
But you can still break.
And I was slowly cracking.
Back inside the salon, Trina handed me a new appointment slip.
"Client sa Thursday. Special request. Gusto ikaw raw."
"Me? Who?"
"Didn't say the name. Pero malaki ang tip. Mukhang sosyal."
I raised an eyebrow. "Okay. G."
Trina smirked. "See? May ibang lalaki pa rin d'yan. Hindi lang si Craulo ang bida sa mundo."
I chuckled, thankful for her attempt to lift my mood. "Let's see about that."
But as I stuffed the slip into my pocket, my heart whispered something I wasn't ready to admit:
"But he's still the only one I want."
- Writer
