Hard to Love (Villaraza Series #1)

Kabanata 8

“Kakain na, Serafina,” anunsiyo ni Mommy matapos akong katukin sa aking kuwarto.

“Susunod na po!” pasigaw na sagot ko habang patuloy ang pagsusulat sa notebook ko.

Muling tumunog ang cell phone ko. It was another message from Brenda.

Napangiti ako sa nabasa.

Fernando Iñigo Ricaforte Villaraza. Nineteen years old. Born on November 1, 1987. Business Administration major in Business Management student. Sophomore.

He was the firstborn of Mr. Redentor and Glenda Villaraza. He grew up in his maternal grandparents but when he turned eleven, he was claimed back by his parents. He loved music and drawing. Quite clever. His first course was Fine Arts. Nasa ikalawang taon na siya roon nang nag-shift siya sa Business Administration. No one knew why. But there were rumors. One of those was that he shifted because his father forced him to. He was staying in a condo, away from the Villaraza residence. Hindi sila magkaayos ng kanyang ama. He was working as a student assistant in the library of their university and sang together with his bandmates in a bistro owned by Lance’s uncle.

He was religious. Though not yet baptized, he was active in religious activities of their congregation. He became part of such because of his grandmother.

And he never had a girlfriend.

Napangiti ako sa huling sinulat. So my love interest was quite the righteous guy. Was he a hopeless romantic?

Damn. My smile widened even more. Mas lalo akong nagkakagusto sa mga nalaman ko sa kanya.

I would be his girlfriend. I would be the only one. I would claim all his firsts.

Walang susunod.

“Mukhang maganda ang araw mo, ah.”

Napalingon ako kay Mommy na nakangiting nakamasid sa akin habang pinupunasan ko ang mesa.

I returned the smile. “There’s no reason to consider this a bad day, Mommy.”

“I wonder why,” nanunudyo ang kanyang mga mata at ngiti.

I bit my lower lip and straightened my body. “There’s this guy . . .”

She chuckled. Napasimangot ako roon. She encouraged me to continue but the imminent laughter was about to burst out of her.

“I think I’m in love with him, Mommy.”

“Oh, you know nothing about love, sweetheart,” nakangiting aniya. “You’re merely infatuated . . . again.”

Mommy and I were open when it came to my love life. She knew those guys whom I liked before. We were that close.

But she didn’t know I was a, well, a little playgirl. Na marami na akong nakarelasyon. Ang alam lamang niya ay nakakaisang boyfriend pa lamang ako. And I would like to keep it that way.

“How did you know it was Daddy?”

Mommy smiled as if she remembered something beautiful. “Well, it just happened. Hindi ko alam kung pa’no at kung bakit. Ang alam ko lang, siya ang binubulong nito.” She pointed her chest.

Ganundin ako kay Iñigo.

I wasn’t infatuated. I was pretty sure of that. I had never been this sure in my life. Sigurado akong mahal ko si Iñigo at siya ang gusto kong makasama habambuhay.

“You must really like this guy that you even claimed you are in love with him.” She held my chin. “Sweetheart, love is for adults. What you feel isn’t love. It’s infatuation. Don’t be fooled.”

Kung hindi ko pa siguro nakikilala si Iñigo ay sasang-ayon ako kay Mommy.

Love is for adults. Probably.

Madalas sa mga kabataan ngayon ay napagkakamali ang nararamdaman nilang matinding paghanga sa isang tao bilang pag-ibig. We are fascinated by love that we want to experience the butterflies in our stomach and every cringeworthy thing it does like how it is portrayed in movies and books.

We are in love with the idea that we are in love.

Alam ko iyon dahil madalas iyong sabihin ni Mommy sa akin. And I agreed with her. Ngunit kung para lamang sa matatanda ang pag-ibig, what was this powerful and foreign feeling invading my system?

What was this uncontrollable feeling I had for Iñigo?

“Kadarating lang namin from the cemetery. Ang daming tao tapos sobrang traffic!” himutok ni Samantha sa kabilang linya.

Tiningnan ko ang kalendaryong nakapatong sa study table ko. It was November 1st. Araw ng mga Patay.

Birthday ni Iñigo.

Nasa sementaryo ngayon sina Mommy at Daddy. Dapat ay kasama ako sa pagdalaw sa mga nasawi naming kamag-anak. But I opted not to go with them and pretended that I was a bit dizzy.

“So . . .” I cleared my throat. “What’s your plan?”

She giggled. “Magpapahinga lang ako sandali at lalakad na ‘ko.”

I bit my inner lower lip and traced the red circle around the November 1st of my calendar. “He’s at his condo, right?”

“Most probably.” adoor creaked. “Do you think he’ll like my gift?”

Bumili siya ng isang mamahaling relo para kay Iñigo. I was with her when she bought it.

Nilingon ko ang aking kama kung saan nakapatong ang isang maliit na pulang box na may laso.

“Oo naman.” Pinasaya ko ang aking tinig. “That’s costly. And guys like watches.”

Muli kong nilingon ang nasa ibabaw ng aking kama. Damn it! Dapat talaga ay kumupit ako!

She squealed. “I saved money for that watch. Sana ma-appreciate niya.”

“N-no doubt.”

“Sige. Ibababa ko na ‘to. Magbibihis na ‘ko. Babalitaan kita!” And she hung up.

Dahan-dahan kong ibinaba ang cell phone. Kumikibot ang mga labi na nilapitan ko ang regalo para sa kanya.

It wasn’t costly like Samantha’s. Hindi rin iyon maganda. But I wanted him to keep it. I exerted effort to make it.

I spent my time waiting for updates from Samantha. Aligaga ako at kung ano-anong pumapasok sa isip ko.

What if Iñigo started to like her? He stared at her for minutes on our last encounter. Was he interested with her?

Para akong mababaliw sa mga ideyang namumuo sa utak ko!

Samantha was likable. She was sweet and kind. She knew how to act cute and she was intelligent. Sa aming magkakaibigan ay siya ang pinakamatino.

She was my total opposite. I was loud. I was mean. I cussed a lot. Magaslaw ako. I wasn’t sweet. Hindi ako katalinuhan. I played with boys.

Fuck.

I really needed to make a move now!

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng aking pagbibihis nang tumunog ang cell phone ko. Dali-dali ko iyong sinagot.

“He’s not in his condo kaya iniwan ko na lang sa doorstep niya ‘yong regalo ko.” I could almost see her scowling on the other line. “Ang daming nakatambak na regalo sa doorstep niya, Seraf! Kung ‘di lang ako nakita no’ng lalaki sa tapat ng unit niya, tinapon ko na sana ang mga ‘yon!”

“Nasa’n daw siya?”

“Hindi ko alam. Basta wala siya sa sementeryo dahil ‘di naman nagse-celebrate ang relihiyon nila ng Araw ng mga Patay.”

Nasaan kaya siya? Tutuloy pa ba ako?

Naupo ako sa kama at tinitigan ang regalo ko.

Should I go? But he wasn’t around. But, damn! This couldn’t wait!

“Sabihin mo kina Mommy at Daddy na kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko,” bilin ko sa matandang kawaksi namin pagkababa ko sa staircase.

Nagtanong pa siya kung saan ang punta ko kasama ang mga kaibigan ko ngunit hindi ko na iyon pinansin. Dire-diretso akong lumabas ng bahay.

“This must be it,” bulong ko sa sarili habang nakatingala sa napakataas na condominium building sa harapan ko.

Habang naglalakad patungong elevator ay binasa kong muli ang text ni Brenda. Nasa seventh floor ang unit ni Iñigo. Hanggang sa elevator ay patuloy kong sinasaulo ang mga sasabihin sa kanya. Hindi dapat ako mautal o ano. I wanted to appear confident in front of him.

Nang bumukas na ang elevator ay dali-dali akong lumabas doon. Hindi ko na kailangang alamin kung anong numero ng kanyang kuwarto. Dahil sa kalayuan pa lamang, nakita ko na ang sinasabi ni Samantha kanina. Namumutakti sa regalo ang doorstep niya. May maliit at may malaki. Iba-iba rin ang hugis. May mga bulaklak din na halatang maingat na inayos.

Napalingon-lingon ako sa paligid. The atmosphere was eerie. Walang katao-tao sa hallway. Probably inside their units or at the cemetery.

Hinakot ko ang mga regalong iyon at tinapon sa kalapit na basurahan. Hindi ko niligtas ang regalo ni Samantha. Walang pag-aalinlangan na tinapon ko rin iyon.

I’m sorry, my friend.

Matapos maitapon ang mga iyon ay bumalik ako sa tapat ng unit ni Iñigo at naupo sa doorstep niya. Sinulyapan ko ang wristwatch ko. It was almost seven. I wondered if my parents were already home.

Lumipas ang mga sandali ay hindi pa rin siya dumarating. Naiinip na ako!

Uuwi kaya siya ngayon dito? Where the hell was he?

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas hanggang sa naging isang oras. May mga dumating na ring residente at pumasok sa kani-kanilang unit. Some of them threw me weird looks. Hindi ko iyon pinansin. Nagtataka yata kung sino ako at bakit nakaupo ako ritong parang baliw.

Muli kong sinulyapan ang wristwatch ko. It was almost eight. Wala pa rin siya!

Tumayo ako at nag-inat-inat. Masakit din ang puwet at likod ko sa tagal ng aking pagkakaupo.

Umilaw ang cell phone ko. It was Mommy. Pinapauwi niya na ako. Napabuntong-hininga ako. Uuwi na ba ako?

Malungkot na pinulot ko ang regalo ko sa sahig. I guessed this wasn’t the right time to give this to him.

I was about to take a step when the elevator opened and revealed the person I had been waiting for.

Natigilan ako lalo na nang nagtama ang mga mata namin. Napakunot-noo siya.

Hindi ko na maintindihan ang nakakaliyong kabog sa didbdib ko!

May gitara siya sa kanyang likod. He looked exhausted but it didn’t make him less handsome.

Bawat hakbang niya patungo sa akin ay mas lalo akong nabibingi sa t***k ng aking puso. Look at what he was doing to me! And Mommy said love wasn’t for me yet? She probably forgot that in every rule, there’s always an exception.

At doon ako nakatayo.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito?” kunot-noong tanong niya sa akin nang tuluyang nakalapit.

Napakurap-kurap ako. Damn! He always made me feel dumb whenever I was around him!

“H-happy birthday,” halos bulong na bati ko at pilit na ngumiti sa kanya.

His jaw moved. Napunta ang mga mata ko sa cleft chin niya. How would it feel to touch it? I wanted to know.

“How did you know it’s my birthday?”

He looks unpleased with my presence. Though I was expecting it considering our encounters before, it still hurt.

“Everybody knows it’s your birthday.” I forced a smile and showed him my gift. “Regalo ko nga pala.”

Sinulyapan niya lamang ang regalo ko at muling ipinokus ang atensyon sa akin. Ngayon ko lamang na-realize na itim na itim pala ang mga mata niya.

“I don’t accept gifts on my birthday,” aniya at tinungo ang kanyang pintuan.

Napanganga ako. This was the first time I was rejected! Damn!

“T-then, kailangan mo nang masanay.”

He opened his unit. “Go home, kid. It’s getting late.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Did he just call me ‘kid’? What the . . .

“Hindi ako aalis hangga’t ‘di mo tinatanggap ang regalo ko,” pagmamatigas ko saka sumunod sa kanya sa loob. “I mean it, Iñigo!”

His head snapped towards me. Bahagya akong nagulat doon. Irritation was written all over his face.

Napalunok ako.

“What do you want from me?”

Iniumang ko sa kanya ang regalo ko. “Accept this.”

His eyes lingered on me before he accepted my gift. Tahimik akong napahinga nang malalim. Halos hindi ako humihinga nang nasa akin ang mga mata niya!

“Now, can you leave?”

Napalunok ako.

“O-open it.” Nagsalubong muli ang mga kilay niya. “I’ll leave once you open it.”

Huminga siya nang malalim, animo kinakalma ang sarili. Pinagmasdan ko siyang buksan ang regalo.

“Panyo,” aniya habang nakatitig sa kanyang hawak.

“Ako ang gumawa niyan.” His eyes went to me. I smiled at him. “G-ginawa ko ‘yan para s-sa’yo.”

Pinakatitigan niya ang disenyo noon. Pulang puso iyon.

“That’s my heart.” Muli siyang napatingin sa akin, kunot-noo. “I-I’m giving it to you.”

Gumalaw ang kanyang panga at iniwas ang mga mata sa akin. He looked pissed.

“I-I like you, Iñigo,” buong tapang na deklara ko. “N-no.” I bit my lower lip and played with my fingers. “I-I think I’m in love with you.”