My Jaded Love, Dangerous Desires

6

Oli POV

I can’t help the feeling of delight at what I was seeing.

I would never wish Cait pain and misery, and that’s not what made me feel so chuffed.

It was because the guy she was with wasn’t making her happy; he wasn’t giving her the attention she deserved.

I was so mad and full of jealousy when I heard Cait had a date, but who was I to feel like that?

I hated feeling that way.

I didn’t want to be a person turned bitter by his past mistakes.

I had my chance with her and I blew it.

It just happened to be pure luck that I went to the same restaurant as them.

It’s a small town, there’s not much choice.

I couldn’t look away from her and her date.

It was like watching a car crash. Even though you don’t want to look, you can’t tear your eyes away.

Morbid curiosity. I couldn’t help it.

She looked like she was having a terrible time.

I actually felt bad for the guy. When Cait shines her light on you, the whole world is a better place, but when her light is gone, the world is dark and cold. I've felt both her light and the cold that comes without it and I wasn’t prepared to go back to the dark.

Not again.

I watched as he spat some food onto her face.

A look of pure disgust was written all over it as she wiped it off with her napkin.

Then she walked out. She didn’t even finish her food.

She threw her napkin down onto the plate and left.

He just sat there picking her plate up and scraping her food onto his plate and pouring her wine into his glass.

He didn’t even go after her to make sure she got home ok.

I found myself driving past her house on my way back to the hotel.

The urge to make sure she was ok and safe was strong, like a primal instinct.

Her light was on downstairs, so I pulled up and knocked on her door.

When she answered it, she had a spoon in her mouth, a pair of shorts on, and my old T-shirt that she used to wear when we were together.

The fact she still had it and still wore it filled me with hope.

Plus, it looked amazing on her.

“I was passing by and wanted to make sure you got home ok.” She looks down at her shirt, her cheeks flush slightly.

“Well, now you know.”

She goes to close the door, but I put my hand out to stop her.

“You looked beautiful tonight. I just wanted you to know.”

Her lips curl up at the corners.

“Thank you. Would you like to come in for some ice cream?” She asks, holding the door open for me.

“I would love to, but Max is in the car waiting for me and I have to go shopping tomorrow and the person taking me is a bit of a hardass. If I’m late, she MIGHT just kill me.”

She chuckles at me, and her radiant smile shines like the brightest star in the darkest sky.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She says, closing the door.

I smiled as I walked back to my car, but I felt like skipping.

I feel like I’m making some progress with her.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I open the door to the sight of Cait holding two coffee cups and a paper bag in her mouth.

She spits the bag into my hand whilst pushing past me into the room, putting one coffee cup on the table.

“Oh, this is nice.” She says, looking around the room whilst drinking from her cup.

It’s too hot though.

Her eyes squint together and her lips make an o shape as she fans her hand in front of her mouth.

I open the bag to see a donut inside.

“You’ve never been in here?” I ask her, splitting the donut into two and giving her half and a bottle of cold water from the mini-fridge.

She takes the bottle and smiles at me, opening it up and taking a sip.

“Do I look like I can afford to stay in a room like this?” she asks, now taking a bite from her half of the donut and walking around. She stands at the window, looking out.

The way the sun is shining through the window makes her silhouette stand out, her hair catches the sun's rays making it shine a copper color. It’s a beautiful sight to behold.

“So, are you ready?” She asks, turning around to look at me.

Her eyes catch the sunlight, making them sparkle.

“Yep, let’s go.”

I hold the door open for her and follow her out.

She walks towards her car and I stop.

“What are you doing? Get in?” She says, pointing to the door.

“I remember you're driving, Cait.” She huffs at me and points to the door.

I get in and make sure I put my seatbelt on, making her giggle.

Driving in the car with Cait is like a white knuckle ride.

It’s not that she’s a terrible driver, it’s just she tends to enjoy hitting the gas pedal more than most people It’s like she can’t feel the speed of the car as it’s moving along, and her spatial awareness of other cars leaves little to the imagination.

We drive past some parking spots, but she kept going.

“We just passed three spots,”

I point out the window and look back.

“I know I don’t like parking near other cars, though.”

She shrugs, spotting a space that’s got no other cars near it.

“There, see, that wasn’t so bad.” She chuckles as we walk toward the store.

People start to whisper as we walk through the mall, some taking their phones out and snapping pictures of us.

I notice Cait moves away from me so she’s not too close.

All I want to do is reach across and close the distance between us, but I know she will hate that. She’s not used to this kind of attention and it can be a lot to take in.

The sales assistant’s eyes light up when he spots us walking in. He leads us away from the crowd gathering by the storefront to a more secluded spot near the back.

I take my time browsing.

I know it’s a dićk move, but I don’t want her to leave yet.

I want her to see I’m different now.

She makes me want to be a better person.

“Which do you like?” I say to her as she looks through the suits all lined up.

“They all look the same. I don’t know, which one do you like?”

“What about this one?” I say as I pick one up.

She scrunches her nose up and looks over her shoulder.

I follow her gaze and see a navy tux. It’s single-breasted with black satin shawl lapels, and it has a matching navy vest and a pair of black pants.

It looks like it’s slim-fitted and actually very nice.

I never would have gone for something like this before, but Cait likes it.

I grab the tux and hold it up for Cait to see.

“Go try it on.”

She gives me a smile and goes to sit down in a chair, pulling a magazine out of her bag. I go into the changing room and quickly change into the tux.

The material feels nice against my skin. It’s soft and smooth.

When I come out, her eyes are wide and she doesn’t say a thing.

“That bad?” I ask, holding my arms out to my side.

She stands up and walks toward me.

Her hand runs down the lapel of the jacket, straightening it up.

“It’s perfect.” She whispers, reaching up and fixing the black bow tie.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the urge to lean down and kiss her.

Her eyes look into mine and I forget what I’m doing.

It’s like no one else is around us at this moment.

She doesn’t move.

She stays there, staring up at me, her body practically touching mine.

Her arm rests across my chest as she holds the bow tie in her delicate fingers.

I’m scared to blink in case this is all my imagination.

“You should get changed.” She says breathlessly. Her eyes are still holding my gaze and I don’t want to look away.

The air feels thick with pent-up tension.

“Ok.” My voice is low, too scared to speak in case the mirage disappears.

I walk back into the stall, my mind racing at what this means. Did she feel the electricity between us?

I can’t be the only one imagining that, can I?

I buy the tux.

It’s now my favorite one because Cait helped me pick it and because every time I wear it, I will remember that moment we just had.

“So, shall I take you back?” She asks.

“I wanted to ask you something. I need a date for this ball and was wondering if you would like to come with me?”

She looked at me, her eyes not giving away any of her thoughts.

“You want me to be your date?”

I nod my head.

“What about your fiancée? What will she say?”

“Cait, I told you. It’s a publicity thing. Will you come with me?”

I can see the debate going on inside her head.

“No, I’m sorry I can’t. I have nothing to wear and I won’t know anyone. Go with Max.”

“I don’t want to go with Max. I want to go with you. You will be a much better dance partner. I will buy you a dress. A gift to say thank you.”

She shakes her head before stepping back.

This is what she does when she panics or feels cornered she backs away.

“No, that’s too much.”

“Cait it’s not. Please.” I say, using my biggest smile and puppy dog eyes.

I can see the moment I win and she caves.

“Fine, but I don’t want you to buy me a dress. I will get that myself. And I’m not going shopping with you for that either. I need some female help. When is it?”

“Friday.”

“Ok, plenty of time.” She says, nodding her head as if to reassure herself.

“It’s a date,” I say.

Her eyes snap to mine, but she doesn’t say anything.

~~~

Cait POV

“So, what did you say?” Mikayla squeals down the phone.

“I said ok.”

I hold the phone away from my ear to protect my eardrum.

“Ok, so what dress are you going to wear?”

“I need to go shopping. It’s some fancy ball for a charity event. Will you help me?” I ask, knowing Mikayla could never say no to shopping.

“Yes, I’m off tomorrow and so are you, so we can go then. Oh, I’m so jealous. I mean, he’s sooo yummy.”

“Kay!”

“Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Kay,”

I hang up the phone and climbed into bed.

Usually, when I go to sleep, I don’t remember my dreams, but tonight my dreams are full of Oli. He’s whisking me around a grand ballroom.

My dress flares out around me like a princess.

His lips brush against mine in sweet, soft kisses.

His hands grazed across my skin, sending shivers throughout me.

“Shít,” I groan as I sit up in bed. This is bad.

“Have you seen this?” Mikayla asks, walking in the back door and slamming a paper down onto the kitchen counter.

I chew my bagel and look at what she brought, almost choking on my food.

“What the fück!” I shout.

“Oliver Wilson, out with his new mistress on a secret shopping trip.”

“There’s a picture too. Oh, it’s good though. You look so cute together.”

I flip the paper open and go to the page with the picture.

It’s of when I was helping him with his tux, my hand is resting on his chest and we were looking into each other’s eyes.

“I wish someone would look at me like that.” Mikayla babbled, looking over my shoulder.

Her chin resting on top of it.

“What do you mean?” I stammered whilst staring at the picture. I can’t help looking at his face, the way his eyes look into mine. It makes my heart race just thinking about that moment yesterday.

“Look at how he’s looking at you, Cait. That is a man in love if I’ve ever seen one, and you look just as smitten.”

I shrug her off me and turn to face her.

“No, I’m not. I’m been nice.”

“Really? Do you look at every man like that?” She said accusingly, her head bobbing about.

“I didn’t think so.”

She sits down on the stool beside me, grabbing my coffee and taking a sip.

“What am I going to do, Kay? He cheated on me and I can’t help it. When he’s near me, I just. Errrrr”

“Caitlin. What happened, happened. You can’t live in the past or the future wouldn’t be waiting for us. Maybe it had to happen this way for you two. Maybe if you stayed together, you would be miserable and depressed and he would be bald and hate you. Stop lying to yourself. That moment doesn’t define who you are. It made you, you. So stop living in the past and take a chance on the future.”

Damn, who knew Kay was so wise?

“Now come on, we have dress shopping to do.” She picked my bag up and popped my phone inside it. She took my bagel from my hand, popping it in her mouth, and walked out the kitchen and out of the house, getting into her car.

Retail therapy with Mikayla was exactly what I needed.

We went to what felt like a hundred stores, but none had anything that sćrėamed out to me.

I was starting to lose hope of ever finding a dress in time when Mikayla spotted a small boutique store in the furthest corner of the mall, right out of the way.

It was cute inside and the sales assistant was amazing.

He had me try on loads of dresses and he gave his honest opinion, which helped.

I ended up finding a dress, but I’m worried it’s not going to be right.

The sales assistant was adamant about me getting it though, saying I looked like a movie siren.

I have to admit it did look good on.

I felt like a million dollars wearing it as well.

I also got some matching shoes and I’m actually quite excited now.

Oli won’t recognize me when he sees me in the dress and I’m excited to see his reaction.

“So, when is this ball?” Mikayla asks as we sit down to have a bite to eat.

“Friday.” I pop a fry into my mouth.

“I’ll do your hair. It’s not enough time to get in anywhere now.” I smiled my biggest smile at her.

“Thanks, kay.”

After eating, we strolled around some more before finally calling it quits.

My feet hurt and my bed was calling for me.

I carefully carried my dress up the stairs and hung it up in the spare room, making sure to close the door so socks my feline friend and little rascal didn't find it and use it as a scratching post.

I think I would skin him alive if he did.

RING RING RING RING

“Hey, mom are you ok?”

“Yes, I saw you in the paper with Oliver. Are you back together?”

“What! No. I was helping him. He’s staying at the hotel.”

“Oh. I was just wondering. He looks well are you ok?”

Her voice has that motherly tone to it. She has a way of asking questions without actually asking them.

“Yeah, I’m ok, I’m just confused. All these feelings came rushing back and the more time I spend with him, the more I feel and I’m scared, mom.”

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s natural to feel things for Oliver. He was a big part of your life. Only you know what you want to make yourself happy. You need to do what you want and not worry about what other people want.”

“Do you hate him?”

The phone went silent for a moment.

“No sweetheart, I don’t hate Oliver. I never did. I hated what he did, but I never hated him.”

“What should I do, mom?”

“I can’t answer that for you, sweetheart. Only you can. You need to be true to yourself and listen to what your heart is telling you. Don’t be afraid of falling in love again. Love is a wonderful thing, sweetheart, and when it’s gone, you will hold on to the memories for the rest of your life.” Her voice sounded agonized, and it made my own heartache.

She was talking about my dad.

“I’m gonna go to bed now Mom. I'll see you soon.”

“Ok sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

I hung the phone up and slumped down onto the bed.

I think back to what Mikayla and my mom said and realize they're both right.

I should live my life in the now and not in the past.

People change, I know I have.

What happened between me and Oli hurt, but it made me a stronger person.

If I was even going to consider this thing between us, we needed to sit down and have a talk.

We never actually discussed what happened back then.

I just locked myself away, refusing to even see him.

I know he flew down to my college as soon as it happened.

He sat outside in his car for days, just staring up at the dorm.

I had to sneak out, so I didn’t have to face him and my roommates told him I wasn’t there, but he still stayed sitting in his car watching the door.

Then when my dad died, I know he came back home.

I saw him one night through the window.

He didn’t see me, but I definitely saw him.

He was standing outside in his backyard, looking up at the stars.

My heart beat in my chest so fast I thought it was going to burst out of my body.

Tomorrow, we definitely needed to talk about everything.