Traumatized Love

Episode 11

The days seem to pass by in a blur. Some days feels longer while some feels short. Time doesn’t seem to pass by normally for me anymore. Most of the time, I was just sitting in the living room staring off. And at night, I would struggle to sleep. I became afraid of falling asleep fearing that I’d go back to my dreadful past in my dream.

The day for the party Amanda was planning for Steven arrived and I was still contemplating whether I made the right decision to attend it. In a way, I didn’t want to disappoint Steven but deep inside I also didn’t feel like going. I was suppose to go there for lunch. I wanted to prepare a dish to bring but Steven insisted it wasn’t necessary. So I decided to get Amanda a fruit basket instead. Steven arrived to pick me up as promised and we headed together to his sister’s house.

During the journey, it was nice looking at the small town surrounding a lake. There were a lot of trees and lush greeneries surrounding the area, it reminded me of home. Amanda’s house was situated about twenty minutes out of town. It was a very modest bungalow surrounded by a huge yard. There were tables and chairs laid out for lunch in the garden. We entered the house and I was greeted with a warm hug from Amanda.

“Hi Beth, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I wanted to come over to visit you but Steven told me not to. I hope you’ve settled down. How’s the place?”

“The apartment is nice and very cosy. Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it,” I told Amanda.

“Don’t mention it. That’s not a problem at all,” Amanda replied. “I’m glad you’ve settled down. Please let me or Steven know if you need anything alright?”

“Sure, of course.”

Steven showed me around the house and introduced me to his two nieces and nephew. The house is very homely and I could see that Amanda is very motherly and kind. The kids seem to adore Steven as well as he played with them. Derek, Amanda’s husband is out running errands but he’ll be back for lunch.

Steven’s family showed up and he introduced me to each of them. They seem to be a really close knit family. Steven seem to have a close relationship with them. Although I didn’t know how long ago did his parents passed away, Amanda and Steven is in good hands of their extended family. Looking at their interaction made me think of my mother and brought tears to my eyes.

“Our family is very supportive and they’ve helped us a lot. We’re very close and we owe them a lot for helping us,” Amanda said to me.

“When did your parents pass away if you don’t mind me asking?”

She looked surprised by my question, “Our parents passed away twenty five years ago. Steven was only ten then. It was tough on us, we wouldn’t have gotten by without the help and support of our close relatives,” Amanda explained.

“I see. I’m sorry about that.”

“Please don’t be. We’ve moved on. Steven said you lost both your parents too?” Amanda asked.

“I did but I’ve learned to live by myself and I’m kind of used to it, you know being alone and independent,” I said.

“Steven is right, you’re a very strong woman. I admire you for that.”

“I don’t think I’m that strong anymore,” I replied.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I believe you’ll get through it,” she said putting an encouraging hand on my back.

I smiled back at her feeling the emotions starting to engulf me.

I spent most of the morning helping out in the kitchen to avoid the crowd of people in the living room. Amanda talked to me about her family and her children. I could tell that Amanda was a very kind and gentle woman who would take care of people’s needs no matter who they are. I made this observation from how she raise her children and what she did for me.

“By the way, thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate it,” I told her.

“You’re very welcome and please don’t mention it. I see now why Steven cares and admire you. He told me about what you both went through. Honestly, I wouldn’t survive what you went through in Camden. Steven seldom speak highly about anyone but he speaks highly about you.”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” I said.

Suddenly, we heard a commotion outside in the living room. We made our way to the living room and as we approach it, I could hear voices coming from the television. Everyone was glued to it. The program on the TV was the news talking about what’s going on in Camden.

All of a sudden, I felt the emotions suddenly overwhelming me and I felt a choking feeling in my throat. The anchorwoman was talking about the bombing of certain towns and villages. It showed houses that were destroyed by the MO and injured people everywhere. The cameraman also manage to capture the violent shooting of the people and the chaos that ensued. The scene was very disturbing and sad. I started to hyperventilate and quickly ran out of the room. I needed to get out. I went straight to the back door leading out of the kitchen and made my way aimlessly towards the back yard. I walked until my legs gave way and I collapsed onto the ground heaving and sobbing. I felt my chest tighten and I tried to take in deep breaths. The suffocating feeling was torturing and it didn’t get better. Suddenly, I felt someone grabbing my shoulders. I screamed and tried to fight back.

“It’s okay. It’s me Beth,” I could hear Steven’s voice trying to calm me down.

I tried to talk but I couldn’t. Steven held my hands down, I didn’t realized I was clenching my fists so hard it’s making my knuckles turn white. I was shaking and I couldn’t control it. Steven held me close to him in a bear hug trying to calm me down and whispering soothing words as he caressed my hair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m right here,” Steven said over and over.

He held me until I stopped shaking and calmed down a bit. I was still sobbing and crying and I felt weak. I feel like I just want to curl up into a ball and cry until I have no more tears. I felt Steven picking me up and carrying me into the house. I leaned my head on his shoulders and close my eyes. I could feel people staring at me as we made our way upstairs. Steven laid me down on his bed and left me there. For a moment, I felt emptiness until he came and lay down next to me, hugging me and caressing me. All I could do was sob into his broad chest seeking comfort from the warmth and soothing caress of his arms.