Tainted Love

I don’t know why I continue to come here, it’s always the same people looking for the same things. The inside of alpha sigma psi wasn’t much to write home about, it resembled any basic colonial house I’d seen with a few extra college kid touches. Upon entering, the first you noticed was how large and unkept the living room was. It came equipped with haphazardly placed band posters up high and yellow and brown mystery stains down low. The few tattered couches that could be found in this room were covered in college kids who were too drunk for their own good. An old wooden coffee table sat center between the furniture and it was always guaranteed to be covered in red solo cups and various types of alcohol. The last and final touch that tied everything together in this home came in the form of two extra large subwoofers blaring music so loud I could feel the bass shake the bones inside my body. Snapping back into reality I realized that Jordan was yelling something at me. “It’s your turn! Truth or dare?” Her words slurred thickly. Jordan was my roommate and she was drop dead gorgeous, from her huge chest to her slim waist she was the ‘whole package’ as the guys in my college would say; the kind of girl who could have anyone she wanted with the bat of a glittered eyelash. Little did Jordan know though, I hadn’t even heard what she said because I was distracted; two people had just come in the door across the living room and one was a face I’d never seen before. - Against my better judgement I began to compulsively gawk at the two men that had just entered the house. The punishment for my probing stare came in the form of locking eyes with the mysterious man, which in turn gave me a strong feeling of ice water dumping through my stomach. To call this man attractive would be considered an insult in my eyes, he was downright beautiful in the bad boy type of way. For the first time in a long time i was actually curious to meet another person. My eyes tore away from him as Jordan shoved my shoulder, hard. “What?” I yelled back irritated. “It’s your turn, truth or dare!” Without thinking and just to get her to shut up, I screamed dare and instantly regretted that decision. I already knew what she was going to say before the words left her glossy lips. “I dare you to kiss Ryan.” Jordan squealed at me with a devious grin, Ryan also wore the smile of someone who was way too excited over a simple kiss. I knew what she was up to and it wasn’t happening, no amount of alcohol in the world could get me to kiss him. Ryan was a girl's typical definition of a womanizer, from his sandy colored hair to his glacier blue ocean eyes. Those attributes alone made him attractive but once you added in his tan and strong build he became a solid ten in most girls eyes, but I wasn’t most girls. Jordan had been trying to get me to date him for a solid three months because he was her boyfriend Austin’s best friend, but I knew better than to fall for a guy like Ryan. “Pass.” I yelled over the music before I took a large shot of tequila. I could feel the burn make it’s way down to the pit of my stomach, It was a welcomed feeling. Jordan knew the rules, if she couldn’t hook me up with Ryan she could at least try to get me drunk enough to make the mistake of hooking up with him. Little did she know, no amount of alcohol in the world could get me to touch him. I knew what type of guy Ryan was and I wasn’t interested in him no matter how attractive he was. In his defense I wasn’t interested in dating anyone at all, I’d had sworn off men when I was around sixteen after my first boyfriend broke my heart into a million pieces. After that I decided to focus on my education instead of immature boys. Jordan had started to argue with me about being a prude but truthfully I didn’t hear much of what she was saying because my eyes had involuntarily torn away from hers back to the mystery man who was now standing with a group of guys just a few feet away from me. “Who’s the new guy?” I yelled, interrupting one of her usual small tantrums about me. Surprisingly Ryan cut in before Jordan could answer me. “That’s my old friend Jessie from high school.” he answered confused as he stood up to walk over and say hi. Admittedly I knew very little about Ryan but that had always been by choice, one thing I did know was that he attended high school very close to here so I concluded the new guy was probably a native to this area. I watched closely as he walked up to his old friend, greeting him excitedly. They started animatedly talking about something I couldn’t hear and I saw as Ryan pointed back towards me and Jordan; Austin had just shown up and pulled Jordan into his lap with a drunk laugh. I tried not to look up at the mystery man as he walked over with Ryan and sat across from me, but of course my eyes couldn’t help themselves and I stole a glance. He was tall a very attractive man but not in the ways that you would assume. Although he possessed physical perfection and beauty, his demeanor was cold and abrasive. His expression could be interpreted as aggressive and powerful, one that pulled women in and challenged men to stay away at the same time. Adding his leather coat to the equation completed the formula for a true ’bad boy’. I couldn’t help but notice the way his stomach flexed as he sat down across from me, leaning back with comfort and ease in an unfamiliar surrounding. His right hand held a red solo cup full of what I assumed to be beer and my hormonal brain slowly started to fantasize him removing his shirt to display his beautiful body to me. Shaking my head vigorously i extinguished this line of thought quickly, in appearances alone I knew I wasn’t this guys type; plus I wasn’t looking for a one night stand which is all I would amount to in this type of scenario. “This is my old friend Jessie,” Ryan said as he sat down across from me. “And this is Tasha, Jordan and Austin.” Jordan and Jessie launched into a deep conversation that I didn’t care much about, I could sense Austins discomfort with the way she’d infatuated herself with Jessie so immediately. She was the type of girl who had a new guy every week and would do anything if dared to do so. As her best friend I knew better than to be interested in her fresh meat, plus my head was starting to swim from the tequila. I heard a faint buzzing noise when I realized it was coming from my purse, my phone was vibrating with a text from an old friend. “I have to take this.” I screamed to Jordan over the music as I stood up thankful for the excuse to get some fresh air. I noticed Jessie watching my legs closely as I stood up, following his eye line to my exposed thighs i nervously pulled my dress back down to cover myself better. Against my better judgement I glanced in his direction one last time and was met with a glare so intense it sent shock waves through my core. I took that as my cue to leave and began the struggle of forcing my way through the tightly filled house and out onto the porch for some fresh air. The rusty screen door slammed itself shut behind me loudly as I bent over the railing and attempted to pull Mariah’s message up on my phone. After a deep vibrating breath from the speakers I finally managed to open the message. “Where the f**k have you been? No one heard from you in weeks??” Gripping the porch railing tighter to stabilize myself I made a mental note not to drink this much tomorrow. Hearing from Mariah brought back a flood of memories and emotions I currently didn’t want to revisit. Staring out onto the dimly lit street the sound of the screen door slamming pulling me back to reality quickly. Startled by the noise I jumped up quickly and wiped my tears before I turned to see who had joined me. The last thing I expected to see was Jessie standing before me with a smug look on his face as he pulled a Marlboro cigarette from behind his ear. “Did I interrupt something?” He asked arrogantly as he looked me up and down. “No” I said harshly, shoving my phone back into my purse pocket. I don’t know who this guy thinks he is or why he followed me out here but I made a mental note to steer clear of him from now on. Not wanting to go back inside I stood on the porch in silence with him for a moment. “You smoke?” He asked nonchalantly as he reached into his pocket and offered me the pack. What the hell. Reaching forward I pulled a single cigarette from his pack. “No, keep the pack, I have another one with me.” Confused as to why he was being so nice to me I quickly shoved the pack into my purse without another word. “Here.” he said gesturing for me to lean forward so he could light my cigarette. I noticed he was using an expensive metal snap top lighter and silently wondered why someone so young would carry one of those. “Thanks.” I said plainly as I took a long deep drag. Surprisingly it accented the tequila in my veins quite well. “So you’re Jordan’s roommate Tasha?” Jessie asked me with the same smug expression I saw earlier. What the f**k was this guys deal? “How could you tell?” I spat out arrogantly as I took another long drag of my cigarette. I didn’t like these types of guys, they were too attractive for their own good. All he needed to do to sleep with a girl was give her a little bit of attention and she would easily give herself away. But deep down, no matter how much I denied it; Jessie had a pull on me that I didn’t want to admit. The screen door flew open again and out fell Jordan with Austin holding her up. “I think she’s ready to go back to the dorms.” Austin spoke while struggling to keep her upright. Her chest was spilling out of her pink top and she was teetering on the heels she’d chosen to wear. “But I’m nottt readyyyyy to go home.” Jordan half slurred half whined while simultaneously tripping over her own feet. This was normal from Jordan, I stubbed my cigarette into the ashtray and walked over to grab her other arm. Austin nodded in Jessie’s direction. “Hey I’ll see you around bro, you gonna be here tomorrow night? It’s my birthday, the parties going to be a banger, we're going all out.” “Are you going to be there Tasha?” Jessie asked as he looked over at me with a blank expression. I was so surprised by his normal tone I almost didn’t hear what he’d said at first, I eventually pulled myself together enough to answer him. “Yeah I’ll be there.” Jordan popped her head up and slurred. “So willll I.” And with one final wink towards Jessie she promptly fell down again. Without even looking at Austin I knew he had stiffened up over her blatant flirting and I silently felt bad for him. Okay, it’s time to get out of here before she starts throwing up. - Back at the dorms Austin helped me heave Jordan into bed and get her out of her shoes. I made my way to the bathroom as I waved goodbye to him, bending down to grab the trash can next to the toilet so I could put it next to her bed. I wanted to be prepared in case she threw up like she did last week. It took 3 days of cleaning to get the smell out of the carpet and the stain will be permanent. Dodging her huge pile of clothes, makeup and shoes I slowly made my way towards my bed. I still couldn’t fathom how some people could live like this, my side of our dorm was considerably cleaner but it was a losing battle living with a girl like Jordan. The dorm we shared wasn’t the biggest, but what it lacked in size was made up with having our own small kitchen and bathroom. Very few dorms in our college came equipped with those rooms and I lucked out by rooming with someone as rich and influential as Jordan’s parents. The one shared closet in the room was overflowing with clothes and shoes, some of them mine but most of them Jordan’s. The wall opposite to the closet had a white vanity I had bought myself, every inch of it was covered in different types of makeup. Next to the vanity stood a bookshelf full of books that I’d acquired over the years, they were considered to be my most prized possessions. With my head still swimming a little bit from the tequila I laid down in bed and gazed towards my ceiling, it was covered in glow in the dark planets that I stuck on the first day I got here almost a year ago. It was a weird sleeping requirement I’d had since childhood and tonight they were spinning in an unappealing way. As my brain started to fade I began to think about Jessie, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was just visiting or if he’d transferred to this campus permanently. Yawning loudly I heard Jordan start to stir, freezing in place I listened intently praying she wouldn’t puke again; I don’t know if I could handle being her mom for another night. I slowly stripped off my jacket and shoes from tonight and decided that I was just too tired to change into pajamas. Pulling the blanket up close to my chest I began drifting off to sleep, my brain buzzing with thoughts about Jessie and if I’d see him tomorrow at the party. - I was running joyfully through a beautiful green pasture with the smell of fresh pine in my nose. I glanced over towards her with a full smile as she spun in circles with her arms held wide, her beautiful blonde curls swayed around in the subtle wind as she laughed and spun in circles. If there was a heaven, this was it. Closing my eyes I joined her as we spun joyfully, the sound of her tender laugh filled my ears as I crunched the short cut grass beneath my feet. My heart couldn’t accept what my brain already had. I willed myself to stay here a little longer. Even if it was only a dream. - My head was still spinning drastically from last night as I rolled over and opened my eyes. The small clock next to my bed displayed the time to be 12:30pm, and just as I was starting to wonder why I was up so early on a weekend I heard a loud banging on the door. Groaning into my pillow loudly I struggled to pull myself from this warm oasis of blankets and sheets. Tripping over my shoes from last night on the way to the door I wondered who the hell could be on the other side this early and I made a mental note to give whoever it was a piece of my mind for waking me up. The banging commenced before I finally yelled “I'm coming!”. As I ripped the door open roughly the last person I expected to see was standing on the other side. Jessie was leaning coolly against the wall with his hands in his pockets, Austin and Ryan stood in front of him in the doorway. Groaning I pulled the door open enough for them to come in. “What are you guys doing here so early?” I asked while rubbing my eyes so I could see clearly. “Did you forget?” Austin asked me with a smile. “Forget what? Did you forget what happened the last time you woke me up?” I shot back at him as they all came pouring into my room ahead of me. Letting the door slam shut behind me I glanced around the room. The first thing I noticed was that Jessie was making his way across the room to my bed where he plopped himself down comfortably. The next thing I noticed was that he’d started reading my copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. I made another mental note to tell this guy not to touch my s**t. “What do you guys want so early?” I ask as I caught myself in the mirror. Oh god, I look terrible. “What happened the last time Austin woke you up?” Ryan asked with a laugh. “He got punched in the jaw.” I answered with a smirk. Serves him right for trying to climb into my bed drunk. Austin had made his way over to Jordan’s bed and was trying to wake her up to no avail. He gently brushed her hair back out of her face and gave her small kisses on the jaw when her eyes finally started to open. “Did you miss me baby?” Austin asked with a smile. Jordan sat up and her beautiful curly blonde hair looked as if she’d been electrocuted. Her makeup from last night was also smeared under one eye but even in this condition she was still beautiful. I had surmised a long time ago that the only reasons a guy as committed as Austin stuck around was because she was beautiful. “Always babe. Oh my god, I almost forgot! Happy birthday!” Jordan smiled. s**t. I had totally forgotten, this must be the reason why I got a welcoming committee so early in the morning. “I got you something!” she squeaked before rolling out of bed. Jordan proceeded to bend far down in her mini skirt from last night, I noticed that everyone in the room was watching closely except for Jessie. He hadn’t spoken a word since he got here and appeared to be deeply immersed in my book instead. After she finished sifting through the piles of trash and clothes under her bed she finally emerged with a box and plopped back down next to Austin. “I wasn’t sure what to get you because you basically have everything already, I hope you like it.” “You know I’ll love anything from you babe.” Austin leaned toward her and kissed her gently on the cheek before shifting his focus to the present. As he worked to open it I decided to sit down next to Jessie, it was the only open seat left in my small dorm room and I wasn’t happy about it. Glancing up from my book he gave me a once over, his eyes visibly resting on my exposed legs again. I quickly tried to pull my dress down further as my cheeks started to turn red from embarrassment. “You got me a new money clip! I’ve been needing a new one of these for a while.” Austin placed a small kiss on her forehead and smiled. Yuck. “Anything for you my love, you’ll get your second present tonight.” She said with a smirk. “So who’s up for some breakfast? I’m starving.” “Oohhhh I could go for some bagels at Martha’s bagels, they have the best cream cheese.” Jordan squealed as she looked over towards Jessie. “It’s settled then, we’re all in to go to the bagel shop?” Ryan glanced over at me with a question in his eyes from where he was leaning against the wall. “I'm not going to go, I want to shower and I have to stop back by the campus library to return some books.” I hated going to that bagel shop because it reminded me too much of home. “What about you Jessie?” Jordan asked in her sweetest voice.“You could ride with us, we have more than enough room in the jeep?” Everyone knew the only reason she was asking Jessie to go was because she found him attractive. “No, I think I’m just going to kick it here. I have to go to the library too.” He answered coolly while turning the page to my book. “That’s cool and all, but I still have to shower and get ready.” I was hoping he wouldn’t push it but I was wrong. “We are both adults here aren’t we?” Jessie answered inattentively. I looked over at him, annoyed and questioning why he would want to stay here with me instead of going with them. “I don’t know..” I said as I looked at Jordan begging her with my eyes to convince him to go with them. I needed a little bit of alone time to recharge myself before going to this party tonight, but Jordan totally missed my signal as she stood up and clapped her hands together. “Well it’s settled then, me Ryan and Austin will go to the bagel shop, and you two can stay and go do nerdy stuff at the library together!” Great, this is going to be a long morning. - Forty five minutes later Jordan emerged from the bathroom wearing a low cut white sun dress that made her look like she was a model. I also noticed that she had stolen my favorite pair of white wedge sandals, whatever. Her hair was perfect even fresh out of the shower and I envied her for that. Both Austin and Ryan eyes were glued to her chest but it seemed that Jessie couldn’t care less, which was surprising to me all over again. Maybe she’s just not his type? Thankful that she was finally leaving so I could have some peace I got up and gave her a quick hug goodbye. “You sure you two kids are going to behave while I’m gone?” “I’ll behave as long as he does,” I said with a strong eye roll. I didn’t know much about Jessie yet, but from what I did know he was both rude and unpredictable. I waited patiently as Jordan grabbed her wallet from the nightstand and just like that it was me and Jessie alone in the room. Unwillingly to start any small talk with him I focused on gathering my clothes for the day. As I rifled through the piles on the floor I noticed Jessie watching me intently out of the corner of my eye. “Staring won’t give you the ability to see through my clothes you know”. “Who says I want to see what’s under your clothes?” he asked nonchalantly. It took me a solid ten minutes to dig through the mess that was scattered from the closet to the floor, but I finally settled on a black crop top with a pair of American eagle ripped jeans. Collecting my pile of clothes for the day I made my way towards the bathroom and placed them on the closed toilet seat. “I don’t have to lock the door do I? Since we are all adults here?” My voice was dripping with sarcasm as I repeated his snide statement from before. Without even looking up from my copy of To Kill A Mockingbird he told me to, “Do whatever you think is right.” Another eye roll later I closed the door behind me and locked it, no matter how hard he tried to convince me I didn’t trust him; I didn’t trust any man for that matter and I had my own reasons for that. They were good ones. Although our dorm didn’t have the biggest shower the water pressure made up for that in more ways than I could describe right now. Adhering to my usual routine I fired up my Bluetooth speaker and began browsing through my playlist while I waited for the water to heat up. I eventually settled on a song by The Bleachers called I Wanna Get Better, and stepped into my own personal sauna. The heat from the water was refreshing as I washed away all the sweat and makeup from last night, I knew I was probably going to wear a dress tonight so I spent a few extra minutes meticulously shaving my legs and armpits. My brain slowly started to drift toward thoughts about Jessie and if he had a girlfriend before I quickly extinguished that line of thinking. I’d vowed to myself a long time ago that I didn’t want a boyfriend and I wasn’t about to go back on that for a guy like Jessie. Finally convincing myself that I couldn’t live in this shower forever I turned the water off and stepped out. The steam had completely fogged up the mirror on the inside of the door and it took a few seconds for me to wipe it away with my hand. I caught my reflection and studied my body closely, my chest wasn’t as big as Jordan’s but I was slimmer around the waist with bigger hips than her; she also possessed longer legs than me because she was taller but mine were way more curvy than hers in a good way. My past boyfriend told me that what I lacked in height over other girls was made up for by my curves. Taking a good look at the nest of brown hair on my head I sighed deeply as I noticed a small zit forming on my chin. Over the years the one consistent thing I’d heard from other men was that the most attractive thing about me was my face. I’d even been told in the past that I ‘looked like an angel’, but I tended to not believe what drunk frat guys said to me at four am. I did know that I had a heart shaped face with strong cheekbones, but I had never been one to classify myself as beautiful. Reaching for the towel rack I realized with horror that I had forgotten to bring a towel in for myself. s**t. Well, it looks like Jessie might get to see what he claimed he doesn’t want to after all. Opening the bathroom door a crack, I saw Jessie lying across my bed staring at the stars and planets on my ceiling. “I forgot to grab a towel and I need to come out and get one, close your eyes please.” I’d never been on the shy side as a girl but at the same time no man gets to look at my goods for free. He sighed audibly before covering his face with his hands. “I’m not going to look so do what you have to.” His tone was impatient. Carefully opening the bathroom door I triple checked that he wasn’t looking before running to the basket of fresh laundry next to my bed. Digging into the bottom of the deep basket, I started swearing to myself silently until I finally found a towel. Standing up I wrapped it tightly around myself, it definitely felt a lot colder in this room compared to the warm bathroom. “You have your belly button pierced,” Jessie said with a smirk. “You said you weren’t going to look.” If he was trying to embarrass me it wasn’t going to work, he was honestly lucky I didn’t slap him in the face. “I lied.” - It didn’t take me nearly as long as Jordan to get ready as I ran a brush through my hair quickly. I decided I should try to use the blow dryer in an effort to tame some of the frizz that was already forming. Thank you Carolina humidity. I threw my clothes on quickly before exiting the bathroom. “Thank god I thought you were going to be in there all day.” Jessie snuck past me and started peeing with the door open. “Disgusting, you could have at least closed the door first, this isn’t a frat house”. “We’re all adults here right? Plus it’s not anything you haven’t seen before.” “You’re assuming it’s something I want to see though, and you couldn’t be farther from the truth.” Plopping down at my vanity I quickly applied a light amount of mascara and concealer in an effort to hide my tired eyes. “So do you have a car?” I finally realized that I didn’t really know anything about this guy except for his name and the fact that he was a smug asshole.