It’s always been you

Chapter #4

I suddenly didn’t have any strength to face him but I couldn’t stay upstairs all day. It would be way too suspicious and Elias would no doubt come looking to see what was going on with me. My parents never did, but Elias cared too much not to check.

It took at least five minutes before I started to decend the stairs. As I looked down into the living room I saw that he wasn’t there. I had to keep my composure. He had no idea that I had been listening in on his phone conversation.

The smell of food drifted down the hallway from the kitchen and my stomach rumbled. I hadn’t realized how hungry I had been until that very moment. Elias had made breakfast for me, another thing my parents had stopped doing awhile ago. I usually would grab whatever we had that was quickest and would get me out of the house as soon as possible. Or if it was a weekend, out of the kitchen and away from my parents.

I was used to being a loner. At home and at school. I wasn’t into pretending to want to hang out with people when I didn’t. I was friendly with people and people were friendly with me but I didn’t hang out with anyone as a friend outside of school.

Boys had asked me out and I would politely decline every time. There wasn’t anyone that I didn’t get along with either. My focus was on my studies and future education. Everyday got me a step closer to my independence and getting out of my parents house.

I planned to stay in Cumberland, Maine though. I was born and raised here. Even if I ended up going away for college I would make my way back afterwards.

I wondered what Elias really thought of this small town. There were so many things I really didn’t know about him and the kind of town he preferred was one of them. Did he like quiet, small towns like I did? Or did he prefer something like city life.

I really wanted to get to know him better… I wanted to know everything about him. Even things that might make me feel jealous… like had he ever been in love before? What kind of women did he prefer?

Had he really been talking about me on the phone to his brother? Crap, I needed to calm my thoughts. My skin felt hot again…

As soon as I walked into the kitchen he looked up at me from the table. The entire table was covered in different foods and they were all favorites of mine… my mouth fell open wide and I could see him grinning as I scanned all of it.

“D- did you… cook… all of this?” It took every ounce of strength I had to look up into his eyes which were sparkling with happiness and a bit of amusement. Holy crap did he look good. He was also in a white shirt, button down. He left the buttons open at the top leaving his beautifully tan skin to peak out and tease me. His body was incredibly fit. Not overly so but he worked out every single day.

“Yes. You seem so surprised but I thought you knew that I could cook. In fact I’ve heard you praise my cooking every time you’ve eaten it.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle nervously. “I know you cook well but this is a lot of food…. How long did this take you?” His grin widened and he chuckled back at me.

“I woke up at 5. It's only 7:30, so it hasn’t been that long. I peaked in on you this morning and I didn’t have the heart to wake you. Your face is adorable when you sleep.”

Ahhhhhhhh. He peaked in on me this morning!? And he called me adorable!!! There was so much going on that I was having trouble computing… and the phone call and what he had said… and seeing him in the bathroom yesterday…

The entire situation felt like a freight train, traveling at incredibly high speeds to barrel into my composure and break it to shreds before I could even think about how to react…. Or possibly breathe properly…

“Oh… that’s not bad I guess….” There it was, the loss of words. What was I supposed to say? “Uhm, thank you. It all looks so good, I haven’t had homemade French toast in… I don’t remember actually.” I chuckled again. More quietly this time.

I noticed that his grin faltered and his brows pulled together. “Addie, I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. Your parents have not taken care of you like they should. I should have called, texted you… I didn’t want, to uhm....well…it’s just that…”

He paused abruptly while staring intently into my eyes. His brows were still pulled together and his lips were in a tight line. It was hard to keep eye contact as I felt my lower lip tremble.

“Addie…” I really didn’t need him using that concerned tone, his voice low and husky at the same time. It made me so weak and especially my knees…

“I-it’s okay. I’m okay. Thank you for coming and being here. You came… you’re here now.”

He stood up, which I suspected he would do and I felt a little faint. He then walked around the table and came over to me.

“I mean it, I’m never leaving again.” He moved very quickly and I turned my body to let him wrap me up in his arms. His smell was so calming and I immediately closed my eyes.

I wasn’t expecting for him to lift me up and sit me on the counter while still clinging to me tightly. I had to spread my legs to make room for him and his warmth washed over me completely as our bodies molded perfectly together.

“You smell so good…” His mouth was directly against my ear and I shuddered. This is how some of my dreams started. My body was covered in goosebumps and I almost moaned.

He rubbed my back with both hands and I pressed further into him. This felt so good. I felt so incredibly safe and happy. I let my forehead fall onto his shoulder.

“Addie…” His voice was husky and it sent a strong shiver up my spine. The goosebumps, the shivers… my body felt electric. I never wanted him to let go. “I- I think you should eat now.” He gently pulled back and brought me down off of the counter. I felt disappointed for some reason, like something else should happen… like I wanted him to kiss me.

This was all just my fantasies, wanting them to be real. I didn’t hear what I thought I did when he was on the phone. It wasn’t about me, it couldn’t have been. There must have been someone else. I was naive to think he wanted me.

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh and it made Elias pause. He hadn’t taken his hands off of my arms yet and they tightened.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” The endearing names made my stomach burst with butterflies every time.

He was incredibly intuitive and it made it hard to lie to him or keep my real feelings hidden. “I still feel a little tired, I haven't had any coffee yet.” I forced a smile and watched him examine it.

Please ignore it, please ignore it…

It seemed like he was deciding whether to call it out or not but he passed before putting on what looked like a genuine smile. But then again I still couldn’t read him well at all, or should I say at all legitimately. If he was ever hiding anything I couldn’t tell.

“I’ve had three cups already. Let’s get you some fuel, love.” I nodded, relishing in another endearment from him.

He let go of me, hesitantly it seemed and turned to head to the coffee pot. I sighed again, this time a lot more quietly.

Elias had just gotten here and today was our first day alone together. I couldn’t see it now but I was praying harder than ever for a reprieve from my emotions. I needed to be stronger than this. Five years apart had really made me understand how much I needed him in my life… how I couldn’t live without him again. And if I didn’t learn to control myself better it could end up scaring him away forever.