Chapter 1: Blame
I am so over all of this!
Melissa suddenly turned my way and maybe some of the patrons at the cafe where we are eating, are in shock that I yelled out.
“What are you talking about, Melissa?" She replies. Melissa and I had been friends since my first year in college. She's probably used to my quick outburst. Feeling embarrassed now, while I take a bite of my ham sandwich, “I was just thinking of how I still never got a call back from any of the applications that I had put in for a job. I thought that the job industry was picking up."
“Amanda, hey," Melissa forces my attention, “if you want something in life, go grab it and take it! Don't sit around and wait for it to happen!"
“If I could do something about it, I would, it's not like I can force my way into a job."
Melissa shrugs, “don't be so picky then."
I roll my eyes, she will never understand. Melissa got picked for a photography job at the local newspaper, right before our graduation ceremony. I've been stuck at the high school as a secretary, a secretary! It sucks.
Melissa finishes her coffee and leaves the cafe. We were done talking anyway!
After Melissa left the café, my coffee was on its last drop. The only thing that I can make of that conversion, is that she was blaming me! Feeling low, and now even lower.
I suddenly left the café, ran home, and decided to change my life around. Change it around in a way that I can become happy again, it's not like I am depressed or anything like that, it's just that graduating, with a degree, and I can't seem to find a job or a man. Thinking back to what Melissa had told me earlier, no one will put me down. Melissa will never blame me again!
The next morning, feeling better than ever, my life will change for the better, it's going to happen today. “My attitude will change, my self-worth will change."
After getting ready for the day, I called and asked Melissa if she wanted to meet up at the café for lunch. “I'll be there in a hop, skip, and a jump." She replies.
While waiting for her to get here, I ordered my coffee and sat at the table reading the newspaper, still no job postings, but this will not get me down again. I'm guessing all the schools are filled with teachers in the Italian language.
About fifteen minutes later, Melissa arrived and sat at the table with me. She ordered her normal, soda and a chicken sub. Starting off the conversation, telling her how I thought about what she had told me yesterday and that I am going to do whatever I can to make my life better, instead of just sitting around and waiting for it to happen.
She chuckled a bit and said, “Good! Go get it! I love you girl! And don't ever forget, You can do it!" When I told her that I have so much to offer and the world will see what I can do to help these kids learn, she smiled and said, “Yes! You will, you've always wanted to help kids learn. Don't stop, girl. Now that's the Amanda I know!" Melissa said.
Sitting here, realizing a lot once Melissa told me that the blame is on me for not having what I
want yet, instantly made me change.
“Amanda, I did not mean that in a bad way, I just meant that you must go out into this world and find these things, they are not going to find you. You're my best friend and all I want is the best for you!" Melissa said.
“I know. I just meant that thinking about what you had told me, makes me want to change my life around. That's all." I replied.
“Good. That makes me proud of you." Melissa said.
Melissa can start to see it in my eyes, she knows that I am serious about this, “new me" thing. I even told her if I must move to get a respectable job, then I will. She looked at me surprised when the move came out of my mouth. She probably would never think of me doing something like that, but I will.
Most people don't even take me seriously because of being so shy, but everyone will find out how serious I am about my career, life, and just about everything in my life.
“Maybe I'm moving too fast, maybe this is all too much to think about right now, maybe it will all come to me at one time, I don't really know but, this will happen for me!"
The server finally comes to our table and takes our order. So, we sit here for a while longer and talk about things in general. I asked Melissa how everything is going in her life? She sips on her coffee and says, “It couldn't be any better! My man is wonderful, my job is the perfect job, and I'm so happy!" I smiled and said, “I'm so happy for you!"
Twenty minutes later, our food arrives. I'm famished. After taking a bite of my sandwich, the lettuce was left on my bottom lip, sliding down my chin. I suddenly glanced over to the front counter, I spotted the most handsome man, my eyes were glued to Mr. Eye Candy.
I reach out to tap Melissa on her shoulders, missing a few times, but finally getting her attention.
“Mel, oh my God, look at the man over at the counter."
I can see Melissa's curls bounce, as her head turns toward him She just turns her back around and continues to eat her food.
“Did you see him?"
She must be blind because I'm pretty sure Mr. Cupid just shot his arrow right into my heart. I'm lovestruck.