Heart desired

//chapter 4//

"You look like shit." Andrea commented and I rolled my eyes.

"Good morning to you too." It was breakfast time and this girl had to start it with the most realistic comment.

Of course I looked like s**t. I didn't get a single wink of sleep last two days. After recovering from the shock of knowing I have to kill Luke Silverstone, my idol, I threw that diary back into where it was and never looked at again. But I couldn't skip my nightmares at all.

Last night, I dreamt of myself, lying on the ground, beaten to a bloody pulp. A woman in black stood next to me, laughing like a maniac. When her face came to the vision, I almost died because she had my own face!!

The worst part is that I saw myself as Nasha Rawyer, not as Cecelia Blackwood.

While eating my breakfast, I noticed that almost everyone was looking at me. When I came to the common dining room for the first time, everyone looked at me the same way, but by now, they've gotten used to it, so this was something new.

I avoided their stares as much as I can, not knowing what else to do. Some even began to murmur, and when I heared them, I looked around in confusion.

Cecelia will start...

I wonder why he even like this slut...

I wish I could spread the rumor...

he will come today too...

Why bother...

It was clear that they were talking about me, but just what the heck is going on?

Suddenly, Andrea banged on the table. "That's enough. Cecily, come with me." Before I even say anything, she dragged me out of the table.

"No one is going to do your dishes!" Someone yelled, making Andrea's pace grow even faster.

She pulled me to an empty storage room,  and locked the room behind her.

"Woah, wait!" I said, suddenly alarmed. "Are you gonna kill me?"

Well, I didn't want to die again.

"No." Andrea was so serious, so I get the feeling that she wasn't joking at all. Something serious was happening.

"What is going on?" I asked.

"Hey, that's my line." She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Just what is going on Cecily? You are so different from past days. Did something happened? Tell me. I can keep your secret, I promise." Andrea said.

I looked down. "How did you notice?"

"Isn't it obvious? You seemed to have forgotten everything. You don't call me Andy anymore. You don't eat your food in your room like you used to be. Not that I'm complaining about that, but you seriously have changed."

Sighing, I sat down on the floor, signaling  her to do the same. After we settled, I began talking. I had a feeling that this will take a while.

"I am just changing my life to a good one. Why are you assuming that something is going on? And what was that at the table?"

"That's exactly what I am talking about. You don't even remember what day is today, right?"

"Uh... today is Friday, I think."

"Today is the day of your fifth anniversary with Luke."

"Wha-? Oh." I honestly didn't know what to say.

"Last year, you wore a special gown and threw a huge fit at everyone who commented on it. The year before that you pulled an all nighter and decorated the place with lovey-dovey quotes and your photoes. But this year... You don't even remember it. Just what is going on, Cecily?"

"I..." I have to say something but I just couldn't think of any reason. Why in the earth did Cecelia have to live such a flashy life? Even I, ahem, an over achiever and a famous writer didn't live like a queen. I thought to myself. Talking about trouble I'm going through because of that girl.

Sighing, I made up a perfect excuse for my actions. "I..., to be honest, I didn't tell anyone about it. I even lied to the doctors. To be honest, my memory is... gone." I looked at Andrea with big eyes, making my words more believable. "I can't recall anything I did or anyone. It just... when I see something that related to me, I'll recall some flashes, so I'm not completely lost. And there is this huge argue I have to... never mind." I wanted to tell her about killing part too, but, uh, forget that.

"So that's why." Andrea said, nodding, satisfied with my answer. I felt guilt building up in my chest, but I couldn't do anything. It's not like she would believe me even if I told the truth. I thought to myself.

"He'll come today, you know." After a few seconds of silence, Andrea suddenly said, making me jump a little. "Who? Oh, you mean, Luke?"

"So you remember him after all."

Shit. "No, that's not it. I found my diary in my room and it was all about him." I said, hurriedly explaining.

"I see."

"But, the thing is, I don't feel anything towards him now. What should I do?"

"Whhhaaaattt!" Andrea suddenly clapped her hands. "You've got to be kidding me! This is the best news I heared ever since you started dating that hot dog. Yo, girl, break up with that cheating psycho! He is nothing but a sick bastard."

I stared at her ridiculously. "Hot dog. Seriously?"

"Yeah. Well, I admit that he looks handsome, but his personality is just garbage. Calling him hot dog is respectful." She said.

"Whatever."

We drifted into a comfortable silence again, in our own little worlds. I thought about breaking up with Luke, but then, how would I'll be able to get close to him? It is true that this is my ultimate chance to get close to my idol. And if he is a jerk, then also this will be the perfect chance to live more by killing him. But if I  break up with him right now, then I won't be able to achieve those.

"I won't be breaking up with him right now." I said, looking at Andrea.

"Why not? Here I thought you've become mature."

"I have to take my time and find a perfect excuse to breakup with him. And I'm going to need help for that. I have to catch him cheating or something. Can you help with that, Andy?" I asked.

Her eye softened when she heared the nickname I used.

"Of course, I will." She said, smiling.

Then it dissapered as a loud bang came and the door of the storage room flew open. A girl (I don't know her name) barged into the room, catching her breath.

"Ya, Cecelia, your ultimate boyfriend is here." She said.