Phoenix Falling

Chapter 5

    The next week I avoided Liam, more for my safety than anything else.  Wanting to keep my distance for at least a few days. I watched his house though.  Two nights in a row Anna showed up in his driveway. I knew by now that she was his realtor, but my heart broke every time I watched her come and go from there.  Although I was pleased to see that he never let her spend the night she always left around an hour after she arrived.  It crushed me to know he was having s*x with her.  But then I would remind myself that it was my fault.  I had put him back onto the market.  Thursday Chuck texted me.

Hi, this is the guy you said you would be friends with but haven’t seen since his ass got kicked out of the hospital. Come and visit me dammit.

I smiled when I read it.  But I couldn’t go over there.  I was honestly a bit afraid of the reaction I would get from Connor if he caught me.  Saturday morning I was scrolling through my day planner when I noticed that I had missed something. Oh my god, I should have had my period three weeks ago. I stood in my bedroom counting the days on my fingers.  I started questioning my flu which had yet to completely go away.   Butterflies of the bad type rose up in my stomach fluttering it around and making my heart thump against my chest.  f**k!

“f**k!” I yelled into my room.

“No! No! No!”  I cried out.  Goddammit this cannot be happening.  Pacing around my room I realized.  Ok sometimes people are late.  There’s no reason to panic until I find out for sure. And so I drove myself to a drug store a ways away trying to make sure that I didn’t run into anyone that I knew.  In my bathroom on a Saturday morning I cried on the floor holding a positive pregnancy test.  Jesus, what was I going to do? Connor wouldn't support me. What was Tim going to say? As if on cue. *Ding

Hey baby, party tonight I'll be there at 8. No excuses. 

He had really been so controlling. For reasons I didn't know why I just kept letting him. I mean I wasn't a battered woman. But he hadn't been very nice lately. At 8 he picked me up exactly like he said he would. I wasn't sure how I would hide the fact that I couldn't drink. I got in the car beside him. But I didn't say a word. I hadn't even decided what to do about this baby but I knew I couldn't drink while I was pregnant. s**t! I had already drank while I was pregnant. Oh my god, did I hurt my baby? I needed to see a doctor, that much was sure. When we got to the party he handed me a drink. I smiled, 

"Thanks baby." I said smiling at him and holding it to my lips. Pretending to sip. He smiled and downed a shot. Then tried to hand me one. s**t.

"No thanks, my stomach has been upset." I said to him. He shrugged. 

"Your loss." He said as he downed mine too. God these parties were dull when you weren't drinking. Everyone doing stupid s**t. I needed to pee, so I headed for the bathroom. Some guy was in there shaving his head bald. Jesus. So I headed to the upstairs bathroom. It was quiet. I went pee and I hid in there. Eventually I knew I needed to face reality. I stood up and opened the door. The party had started to move up here. There was a bunch of people in a bedroom to my left. I glanced in as I walked by. There I could see a dark haired man bent over a table. He had a rolled up twenty in his hand, sliding it down a mirror while he snorted a line of cocaine. Jesus christ, I needed to leave this place. He sat up, wiping under his nose and his eyes met mine. Connor. You son of a b***h. I hurried down the stairs. Away from him. Oh my god. When did this start happening? I could hear him behind me. 

"Liv, stop." He said, 

"Olivia, wait." He said louder. 

"f*****g STOP!" He screamed as I came out of the house onto the front porch. I stopped, he was faster, and stronger and high. I had to play this properly. He ran in front of me. 

"It was just one bump." He said, pathetically trying to explain himself. I wanted desperately to run past him. But I let him talk. If I didn't hear him out who knows what would happen. 

"Liv, say something." He said, what do I say? Do I be honest? I could try. 

"I'm not into this Connor." I said. Careful with my tone. 

"Well what I do doesn't really concern you." He said, stepping closer. 

"I don't feel good Connor." I said backing away. I want to go home. He shook his head,

"I'm not done yet." He said angrily. I nodded. 

"That's fine, I'll get Peyton to come get me" I said. I wanted to call Liam, but Connor would never ever in a million years let that fly. I texted her quickly. Sending her a pin for my location. 

Come pick me up please. 

I didn't want to piss him off, but I needed out of here. This may explain his mood swings. But was it really an excuse for him to treat me like such garbage? 

"Dammit Liv, why is this such a big deal?" He said, getting mad again. 

"I'm just sick Connor Ok?" I said. Finally he agreed. Peyton texted me back right then.

On my way

Thank god. He tried to get me to go back in with him. 

"No I think I need fresh air." I said, trying to pull myself from his arms. 

"Give me a kiss?" He asked, pulling me to him. I obliged, letting him kiss me. I could feel him becoming enlarged against my leg. Dammit, no not right now. I don't want this. He took my hand and tried leading me to the car.

"Baby, come here let's waste time until Peyton gets here." He said, no dammit. I don't want this. I don't want anything to do with him right now. I tried to resist. 

"Olivia." He said, there was a warning in his tone. Would he hurt me if I said no? I took a few steps but resisted again. He gripped me tighter and drug me to the car. I started to panic. Why was he doing this? 

"Olivia, I am warning you, you had better not be falling for that f*****g soldier again." He said angrily. s**t. This was his problem? He was threatened. Well he should be. Liam never treated me this way. He pulled me behind a bush and pushed me onto my knees. 

"No Connor." I said, and I meant it I didn't want to. He glared down at me. 

"Don't you love me?" He spat. s**t. If I don't do this he is going to hurt me. So I did it. I grasped his erection and sucked it into my mouth. But I didn't want to. I hated it. I prayed for Peyton to hurry up. I saw her car from behind the bushes before he came. But I knew I had to finish him off. I put a little more effort into it. Sucking hard on his length. Begging god to make him hurry up. When he came I spit it on the ground. Hoping he wouldn't notice. He didn't. He kissed me on the mouth after I stood, zipped himself back up and headed in the house. I ran to her car in tears. 

"What the hell did he do!" She asked when I got in. I didn't know what I should tell her. I didn't think I should tell her everything. So I didn't. 

"We just had a fight." I said, technically we didn't because I didn't start one. I let her drive me home and drop me off. Liam's lights were on. I should go home I told myself. I checked my phone. 10pm was it to late? I decided to text Chuck. 

Hey buddy, sorry I didn't answer. You busy? 

I waited a minute. 

Nope. Come on over :) 

I walked across the road, up the stairs and across the porch. Then I took a deep breath and knocked rather than ringing the bell. I expected Chuck to holler because Liam's truck wasn't in the yard. But instead it opened it and there he stood. God he was so perfect. I wanted to run into his arms and cry. Tell him how I Connor had been acting. But I couldn't. He didn't want to hear this crap. Instead I just smiled. 

"Hey!" I said, he stepped to the side letting me in. I walked into the living room where Chuck was. 

"Hey buddy." I said smiling at him. He shook his head at me. 

"Buddy? when's the last time I seen you huh?" He said, seriously. s**t. He's right. I've been neglectful. Then he laughed. 

"Just kidding baby. Get your booty in here. We are having beer and wings." He said pointing to the table. I didn't want beer. That was a no go. But I helped myself to the wings. I was oddly starving. Liam sat down on the couch across from me. I shifted. Uncomfortable in my own skin right now. We watched a comedy show. Laughing at the slapstick on the screen. But no matter how long we sat there, I just couldn't be comfortable. I had just been on my knees in front of Connor, I was sitting here, pregnant with his baby and I was going to be friends with Liam? This felt wrong. I sat in silence pretending to watch the movie. Brewing over my life and the wreck I had made of it. Chuck suddenly hopped up grabbing his crutches. 

"Welp, I am off to bed. See you guys in the morning." He hopped out of the room and I could hear him hopping stair by stair until his bedroom door closed. There was an awkward silence between Liam and I. The movie over, credits playing but neither of us speaking.

“So your seeing Anna now?” I blurted out. He looked up at me with a shocked expression on his face.  

"She's not my girlfriend if that is what your asking." He answered.  I looked around the room noting that Joe was nowhere to be seen.  I would have liked to have him put his head on my lap right about now.  In fact, I hadn't seen him at all since Liam got home. Liam raised his eyebrows when he noticed me searching the room for my favorite fur baby.  

“Don’t laugh at me.” I scolded.  He stopped and then said, 

“You have nothing to be jealous of.”  I didn’t know what he meant by that.  But it didn’t help change the fact that I was really jealous.  

“I should probably get home.” I said, rising to leave.  He jumped up beside me.

“You don’t have to go. We can sit here and watch another movie or something." He said, he obviously knew that I wanted to talk to someone. He always had that intuition.  I sat back down and he turned on the tv scrolling through netflix.  He put on some sappy, romantic comedy that I had no intention of actually watching.  I knew he wanted me to talk to him.  I knew that he wouldn’t judge me.  But I also knew that because of this baby a relationship between us would never happen again. But If I couldn’t have my soul mate for the rest of my life the least that I could do would be to have him as a friend and confidant.  

“I’m pregnant.” I whispered into the evening air.  He shifted slightly and uncomfortably but he didn’t look overly shocked.  

“I kind of thought as much the other day.  Have you been to a doctor?” He asked simply.  It startled me, how simple of a question he had asked.  But it was something that I hadn’t thought of.  

“Ummm…. No.” I answered.  He smiled.

“Love, sometimes store bought tests are not always accurate.  We should make you a doctor’s appointment so that you can get a true test done.” I smiled at him.  Feeling even more awkward.  This should be his baby that I’m carrying not someone else’s.  

“We?” I asked, thinking that he made a mistake of words in his statement. He nodded surprising me with how well he was taking this. 

“Yes, we.  If you want I will help you.” He said smiling.  I felt tears prick my eyes again and instead of fighting them off I let them flow freely.  I nodded,

“That would be very nice thank you.” I answered through my tears.  Then I started crying. 

“What?” He asked, concern flooding into his voice and face.  I sobbed and took a deep breath trying to steady my voice. I shook my head.  I couldn’t say it.  He got up, crossed to the couch I was sitting on. He put an arm around me and kissed my hair holding me like a brother would his sister. 

“You can tell me anything Love.  Go ahead.” I shook my head no.  I couldn’t tell him this it was far too embarrassing. He squeezed me a bit tight. 

“Olivia, what is it?”  He asked me again.  I took a deep breath and spit it out.

“This should be your baby.  Not his.” I said amazed at my candor.  I wasn’t quite sure exactly where my honesty was coming from but I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t want him anymore.  He smiled and pulled me close to him tucking me into my spot.  Breathing his scent in helped me to calm down I closed my eyes and rested my head on him. 

“Olivia, how come you didn’t answer any of my letters?” He asked, I looked up at him shocked at him question.  I hadn’t received any letters.  What in the world. 

“What letters?” I asked him honestly.  

“After you broke up with me I wrote you a letter every single week telling you that I loved you, that I was going to come home and marry you.” He answered staring into my eyes questioning me on if I was telling him the truth.  He must have believed me and he should have because I wasn’t lying.  

“Ok how come you didn’t answer any of my phone calls?” He asked me. 

“What?” I asked him again not sure of what he was talking about.  

“Liam I never got any phone calls or letters.” I said.  He looked at me oddly.  

“I tried to text you a few times to see if you were back stateside yet.”  I pulled out my phone and showed him the texts that I had received back saying the number was out of service.  His eyebrow raised and I watched him scroll up, months of texts like that.  Then he went into the settings.  

“Olivia why is my number blocked in your phone?” I shook my head in no, but under the auto reject list was Liam’s number and a bunch of international numbers that I could only assume were army bases.

“That asshole” I breathed, Liam looked at me funny.  

“He blocked your number!” I shouted.  Angry beyond belief.  

“I cannot believe that he blocked your number!” Connor had been controlling me even back then? I started to cry again.  Liam pulled me closer. When I had finally calmed down I began concocting a plan. I needed to go to California. Tim had been forwarding my mail. Connor had to have the letters somewhere. I was going to the doctor and then I was going to the apartment. I stood up. 

"I'll make a doctors appointment. I would love if you could take me." I said, not able to look him in the eyes. He nodded. 

"Of course." He said, standing with me. 

"Can we please keep this a secret for now?" I asked him. He nodded and hugged me. Then typical Liam way he walked me across the road my house. He didn't leave until I had closed the door behind me. I had to get those damn letters.