Phoenix Falling

Chapter 6

    I had to pretend that everything was ok between Connor and I. At least until I got those letters. I concocted a plan. I would get him to take me home to LA for a weekend. Pretending we should go see our friends from there. I would search for the letters and when I found them I would call him out on it. I just hoped he hadn't destroyed them. Liam had unblocked his phone number from my cell. I sent him a text the morning of the doctors appointment. 

    Morning, just checking in to see if you still want to come with me? 

It certainly didn't take long for an answer. 

    Of course, I will be right over. 

Tim had gone to work already, I heard Liam come in the front door. I met him at the bottom of the stairs. I was terrified. I took his hand, it felt warm. It felt comfortable. It felt like home. I led him to the garage and tossed him my keys. He hadn't drove my car in over a year. He slid behind the wheel moving my seat back. We pulled out into the sun and headed to the doctors. Please lord let it be a false positive. 

    We sat in the waiting room of the clinic.  It smelled distinctly of disinfectant.  It burned my nose with the scent of clean.  My palms were sweaty, my mouth dry.  I could sense that my breathing was laboured.  From somewhere in my subconcious I was somewhat aware of an elderly lady smiling at us.  We were in an OBGYN clinic.  I’m certain she knew exactly why we were there.  I hoped she thought we were married.  I wasn’t particularily traditional but I didn’t want to be known as the town tramp.  

“Olivia Dawson.” A nurse called, I stood up.  Liam remained seated.  I looked down at him.  With pleading in my voice I said, 

“Come with me please?” He stood up and followed me into the little room.  The nurse smiled at me. 

“What can I do for you?” She asked me politely smiling.  I smiled back weakly and then squeaked out a quiet.

“I think that I may be pregnant.” She nodded typing into the computer in front of her.  

“Ok Mrs. Dawson and did you take a test?” She asked me matter of factly.  I nodded at her.  Smiling she printed out a sheet, clipped it to a clip board and set in in the bin on the outside of the door.  Then she handed me a little cup with my name on it.  Directing me to the washroom. She said, 

“When you are done just set it on that silver tray on the counter ok?” I nodded at her and went to the washroom to do my business.  When I came back she smiled kindly at me.

“The doctor will be right with you.” She left smiling.  Liam seemed completely calm.  I gazed at him wondering what he was thinking.  Of course you are calm.  I thought.  It’s not your problem but I knew even as I thought it that he would help me with this baby.  

“Thank you for coming in with me.” I said to him, he nodded.  

“I’m assuming that you will have to get a pap smear, I didn't think you would want me in here for it.” He said it a little more quietly almost like a taboo word. My face must have looked afraid because he reached out and grabbed my hand. 

“I’ve never had one before Liam.” I said nervously.

“Don’t worry I’m here for you.” He smiled and I knew that he meant it.  We sat in silence for the few minutes that it took for the doctor to knock gently on the door before entering.  

“Good morning Mrs. Dawson.” She said smiling brightly at me.  Scanning my sheet of paper she said.

“Well we may be having a little bundle of joy? Let me just get the results of the urine sample ok?” I nodded.  She walked into the hallway and quickly returned.  Smiling brightly.  

“Congratulations!.” She said loudly, “You are indeed expecting a little one.” I stared at her not sure of if I truly comprehended exactly what she said to me.  No, No, No, I don’t want a baby.  She smiled more brightly, 

“We can do an ultrasound today if you would like? To find out for sure exactly when you are due.”  I nodded silently like a mute unable to bring words to my mouth.  She put a check on the paper in front of her.  

“Mrs. Dawson have you had any other symptoms with this pregnancy?” I thought to myself quietly for a minute.  Then I nodded. 

“Yes, actually I have had some nausea, vomiting, headaches, backaches, emotional break downs and joint pain.”  She nodded, checking all of those symptoms off on the sheet.  Then she smiled, 

“I’m really sorry that you have those symptoms Mrs. Dawson.  I will get you something to help with that ok?” She said, I smiled and nodded quite happy with that idea.  I finally found my voice.  

“Dr. I was on the depo shot, and I was under the impression that that is an extremely effective contraceptive?” She nodded. 

“Yes, it is.  But like anything it is not ever one hundred percent. If you and your husband weren’t planning on a baby I am sorry about that.” She wasn’t smiling anymore.  Liam took that chance to speak up. 

“We aren’t married, Olivia is just in University.  But I think that this is going to be a fun adventure that we can share together.”  He smiled at me and grabbed my hand as he spoke.  I couldn’t help myself I smiled back at him.  Nodding at him I said,

“Yea we should do anything we can to ensure that this baby is happy and healthy.  I have a very strong support system so this should work ok.” She smiled happily again and I was glad to see she seemed content that I wasn’t married. 

“Well then Miss Dawson let’s get that ultrasound going shall we?” She pulled a small case out of a drawer and then opened it up.  

            “If you don’t mind slipping out of your bottoms, here is a blanket to cover yourself with.” She motioned Liam to move up towards my head.  He politely looked at posters on the wall giving me a little privacy.  I removed my clothing wrapped the blanket around myself and laid down on the examination table. The good doctor moved to the foot of the table and I heard some clicking before she pulled out two stirrups.  

“Ok Miss Dawson if you wouldn’t mind putting your feet into the stirrups here please.” She said pointing at the cold silver metal footrests.  I obliged quickly wanting to get this over with.  

“Liam.” I whispered reaching for his hand.  Terrified of what was to come.  She plugged a cord into a computer screen attached to the wall and moved the screen so that the three of us were able to see it.  She smiled at me again as if she knew that I was nervous. 

“Don’t be afraid dear.” She said, She had a small probe about two inches long in her hand.  

“This is an internal ultrasound this lets us see some of the youngest of fetuses. This will just take a minute.”  She lubed the probe up gently inserting it.  

“There’s no heartbeat yet….” She started to say and all of a sudden the computer began to emmit a sound.  Thump, thump, thump, thump.  Liam’s hand squeezed mine again and he lowered himself beside my head.  She smiled,

“Well I guess I can take that back.  So your baby is around six weeks old Miss Dawson.” I smiled at her, oh my god six weeks.  

“Call me Liv please” I asked her politely.  She smiled at me and nodded.  She pressed a button on the computer and gently removed the probe.  

“Liv can I have your permission to perform a pap smear?” She asked me. 

“Umm yes.” I answered.  My feet still in the stirrups, my lady parts open to the world she began digging through a drawer by my bottom.  She pulled out an odd shaped wooden stick, a tiny wire brush, a plastic tool that looked like a duck’s face, and a small micro slide.  She began to lube the duck’s beak and slowly placed it where she had originally placed the probe.  Then slowly she started to open it.  It clicked three times, each times I winced as it pinched a little more.  When she was done I felt her probing at me with the wooden stick and then with the wire brush. Both stinging my insides.  This was beyond awful.  I assumed that it was going to hurt but this was awful.  When she was done there was one more click on the duck’s beak and she eased it out of me.  She handed me a towel to wipe myself off.  

“You can put your pants on Liv.” She said turning to her computer.  Thankful that was finally over I let go of Liam’s hand and slipped my pants back on.  She printed something off of the computer and handed it to me.  A picture of my ultra sound.  I stared at it in disbelief.  For some reason the idea of this adventure as Liam had put it would maybe be fun.  She was looking at me again. 

“Ok Miss Dawson here is a prescription for a high quality prenatal vitamin and a medicine to help with your symptoms.  You need to take it as directed by the pharmacist.  Here is an informative book on the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy.  But my biggest suggestions are to get lots and lots of sleep, get some light exercise everyday, no raw meat including sushi, make lots of love, no hot tubs or sauna’s and do not clean any cat litter boxes.” She smiled at me as she said all of these things.  I noticed that she said to make lots of love, I would have liked that had Liam been the one I was making love with.  Taking the pamphlets from her I asked.

“When should I come back?” I asked her curiously.  Praying that this didn’t become a regular thing. 

“Around the 22 week mark would be fine Liv.  If there is anything that shows up on your pap I will call you before then.  When we hit twenty two weeks we can start making a birthing plan.  If you have any questions before that or any concerns don’t hesitate to call the office and make an earlier appointment.  Do you have any questions?” I shook my head, she had told me too much information already I was never going to remember it all.  She said good bye to us and we headed to the waiting room. I walked up to the secretary and handed her my benefits card that Tim had given me.  She printed me a receipt for $731.00.  Thank god he had third party insurance. That would have been killer. We headed towards the parking lot Liam holding my hand.

How was I going to tell Connor? Should I wait until after I had him take me back to LA?

"How do I tell him?" I asked, really not asking anyone but Liam answered. 

"Well you just do. Will he be happy?" He asked me. We had reached my car. I got in the passenger side. 

"I don't know." I said quietly as he sat in the driver side. He was quiet. 

"Liam what should I do? This is bad." I said, my options spinning around in my head. He looked at me. 

"You tell him, and if he doesn't support you I will." He whispered the last bit. I looked at him shocked. He would? Well of course he would this is Liam here. He would support me through anything. He told me he still loved me even though I had broken him. I was quiet the entire ride home. 

"Liam I applied to the University." I said, as we pulled into my driveway. 

"Really?" He asked me happily. 

"Yes," I replied. 

"Did you tell him?" He asked me. I shook my head no as the garage opened. 

"I need to go to LA and get my stuff. But if I am having Connor's baby, maybe I need to go with him?" I continued. Asking the question out loud but also to him. He nodded. 

"Maybe you should tell him?" He said, being honest with me. I nodded. He headed home after he parked. As he was walking away I shouted. 

"Thank you!" At his retreating back. 

"Anytime love." He shouted back. I smiled as I walked in the house. Things were different. We couldn't be lovers again. But friends I was now certain we could be.