Phoenix Falling

Chapter 19

   ******** Olivia ********

Since I had gotten out of the shower I hadn't moved. I had laid in bed, silently sobbing and mourning the loss of my pregnancy. I couldn't understand why, but It hurt to exist right now. I had developed a bond with that baby and now it was gone. One minute I was fine, growing my child suddenly it was taken away from me. I heard a gentle tap on my bedroom door. I didn't move or answer. But I heard the door swing open. I tried to stifle my cries. I heard something set down on the bedside table. I smelled Peyton's perfume. She crawled into bed behind me and wrapped her arms around me. The cries shaking my body as they escaped me. I loved her so much. She was such a good friend. 

“Olivia, I am so sorry.” she said, holding me tightly. She didn't let me go until my sobs finally subsided. 

“Sit up.” she said, I did as instructed even though every muscle in my body protested. She handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. Then she passed me orange juice and a piece of toast. Yuck, the last thing that I want right now is to eat. I just want to lay down and cry. 

“Please Olivia. You need strength this journey isn’t over yet.” she said to me, I knew that if I didn't she would just keep nagging me so I took a sip. Then I nibbled lightly on the toast.

“Are you ok?” She asked me.

“No” I said honestly. 

“Peyton this is my fault.” I said, swallowing a dry piece of toast.

“What? No it’s not.” She said, responding to me.

“Yes, remember, I wanted an abortion.” I said. The tears threatening to spill over. 

“God, Olivia. How does that make this your fault? That was weeks ago. You were planning a nursery. We were going to do a registry for the baby shower.” She said. It doesn't matter, my mind had at one point been set on getting rid of this baby and nature had done it for me. 

“But Peyton I kept thinking how it would have been easier if I wasn’t pregnant. How this baby was ruining my plans. Ruining my future with Liam.”I said. She handed me some advil, I needed it. The cramps were killing my back. 

“Olivia. You can’t think that way. This has to be something you think of as just a thing that happens. It’s no one's fault. It just isn’t, you didn’t do it with your thoughts or anything you did. You will never mourn it properly if you think that way.” She said, I was sure she was trying to convince me of this but my brain wouldn't do it. I couldn't get over it. The memory of thinking that way spinning around and around through my head. 

“Want to come and meet Loki?” Peyton asked me. What? Whose Loki, I have never heard of a Loki. 

“Chuck bought me a dog.” She said happily. I smiled happily at her, I wanted her to be excited about this. I didn't want my sad life to drag her down. I hoped she couldn't see that my smile was forced. 

“Ok, just let me get some clothes on. I think I’ll feel a bit better if I get dressed.” I said. I nodded. I threw on some shorts and a tank top then I headed into the bathroom to pee. Blood still, it was like having my period. But with worse cramps. 

“How long am I going to bleed for?” I asked Peyton when I came out of the bathroom. 

“I did a bit of googling because I wanted to be able to help you if I could. It could be a few hours or a few days.” She said, I nodded. God please let it be just a few hours. I was done with this. 

“K. Let’s go meet Loki." I said, trying to make myself feel happier. But oh he was so cute. Those great big paws and those beautiful blue eyes. I want a puppy I thought to myself. Then I decided no I didn't that's not what I wanted at all. He kissed my face with his tongue distracting me. I pet his soft fur as we sat on the couch together.  

“He probably needs to go to the bathroom, do you want to come for a walk with us?” Peyton asked me. I smiled and nodded, yes I do. Outside might feel good. She put his leash on him and we headed out. 

“Well Liam and I can go get the keys for the house.” Chuck said, we all walked down the road. Oh crap the house. I had completely forgotten that their deal had gone through on that. 

“Can I see your house?” I asked her. I would like to see it. It was only four houses down. I was beyond excited about the fact that we were going to be neighbours. 

“Of course!”  Peyton said as we walked down the street to her house. Liam and Chuck were talking with the realtor. 

“You girls want to go in?” Chuck asked us.

“Yes please,” I said. We went in. The foyer was open and bright, similar to Liams but a little differently shaped. I like the big closet off to the side. 

“I like it, it’s similar to Liam’s but it’s unique too.” I said. Oh the fireplace, it had a nicer stone than our house. 

“I really like the tile on your fireplace.” I said, walking to look into the yard. 

“No freaking way. You have a pool. I didn’t know any of these homes had a pool!” Dammit what a cow. I wanted a private pool so bad and neither Liam nor Tim had one. 

"Well now you won't be getting rid of me." I said to her smiling. I meant it too. 

“Is upstairs the same as Liams?” I asked. Both homes were slightly smaller than Tims. I assumed this one would have almost the same floor plan. Except the garage was built into the home not off the side. She shook her head no and led me up the stairs. 

“It’s really nice Peyton. I’m so happy for you.” I said, I meant it too it was perfect. 

“Does Chuck have any furniture?” Peyton asked me. I shrugged, honestly I had no idea what was his and what was Liams. I didn't know if Chuck had lived with Liam before he had been sent onto active duty or if he had been alone.  I heard the boys come in downstairs. We walked out onto the balcony off the master. 

“Yea this is really nice. You’ll be within walking distance of me. I love it. I feel like we need to move all our friends into the complex.” I said, smiling. I nodded. We needed Norra to move here. I hadn't spent enough time with her lately. 

“This is really nice Peyton.” Liam said.

“Ummm. Chuck do you have any furniture?” Peyton asked him. Probably hoping he had more than the four forks Liam had. 

“I have a bed, a dresser and some clothes.” He said. He pulled out his wallet and handed a card to her. 

“I paid 440 for the house with a budget of 500 so you can buy furniture on this.” He said. 

“You up for some furniture shopping?” She asked me, I was hoping that she didn't mean today. This was seriously mentally exhausting me. 

“I would love to help you, but can I have a few days?” I asked. She nodded. Of course she would be understanding I deserved a little time to mourn and heal. She pulled me into a tight hug. 

“I love you Olivia. Call me if you need me. We’re going to move Chuck’s stuff over. I might grab a few small things for the house and Loki. But we’re around.” She said. I hugged her back. I needed her. She was my best friend. 

“I love you too Peyton.” I said. Liam held the door open for me as we walked back into Tims house. 

"I feel like that was good for me." I said to Liam. He smiled. It was about 11 am. I wanted to go have a nap. I hadn't really slept much the night before. Tim was snoring on the couch. Obviously he hadn't slept much either. I smiled at his sleepy face. I took Liam's hand and led him up to my room. 

"Let's have a nap." I said to him. He smiled, 

"I would love that. I didn't get any sleep last night." He said. I nodded. 

"Me either, and I don't know if I can, but I feel the need to try. I'm mentally drained." I said. We curled up in the big fluffy bed together. 

"Am I going to be ok?" I asked him. Curled up in his arm. He squeezed me and took my hand bringing it to his mouth. 

"hunny, eventually you will. But you need to mourn." He said. I nodded, I was quiet for a bit. Staring at the boarded up french doors. 

"Man, I sure made a mess of our lives didn't I?" I asked him. He chuckled. 

"I'd say you made them interesting more than anything." He said. His thumb was stroking my shoulder. I loved it, it made me feel sleepy. 

"Liam, do you think I should talk to a counsellor?" I asked him. He was quiet for a bit. Then he turned so he could look at me. 

"If you feel like you would like to speak with someone I think that is a wonderful idea. Chuck and I have a counsellor if you want to talk to him. I haven't seen him in a long time, but Chuck goes once a month." He said. I was surprised. Why hadn't he told me about this. 

"I think I would like that Liam. It might make me feel like a human sooner." I said. He nodded and pulled out his cellphone. 

"Dr. Porter, Hi it's Liam Wilson." He said, He was quiet while the person on the other line

“Yes it has been a long time. No I don’t need an appointment, but I would like to get one for my fiance please. She’s been through a rough time lately.” He mouthed at me, 

“How is tomorrow morning?”. 

I wanted to say no, but I shook my head yes. The sooner the better I assumed. 

“Tomorrow morning is great. I think it would be ok if I come in, if not I’ll wait in the waiting room. No big deal either way.” He said, the person on the other line talking again. 

“Sounds good, we will see you tomorrow.” He said. When he got off the phone he smiled, 

“there you go and he’s going to run it through my VA benefits so there’s no reason to worry about money.” He said. I nodded. He wrapped his arms around me. 

“Can we please sleep now?” He asked me. I nodded and drifted off into a deep sleep.